Underwear Model - Tumblr Posts
The 2021 Parka Jacket.
Chris really was a TERRIBLE driver. As a pile driver, well, he wrote the book and made the video. Well, technically their neighbor Luke shot and edited the video and Chris made Brad's day then the next two sore. The book itself was typewritten on his iPhone...
Chris stopped himself there.
Hmmmmm… writing captions for promo photos more challenging than expected. It was always difficult for Chris to understand where and when people needed details and clarification. If it were up to him this post would just say “Chris. A great lay.” Even that rang redundant. Didn’t the picture say that?!? Rain forms on the leeward side of that thing.
Well, maybe he’d write it anyway. If Madonna could pass off the obvious and overtly sexual as art, so could he.
“Chris. Honey. Listen. I got to go. This bed is floating again….”
(garble on the other end)
“Yep. Ok. Yeah. I know. I miss you too. Can’t wait to get back. I would like to be in our bed with you. It touches the ground.”
(Brief phone garble)
“Totally agree. I don’t get it either. I really thought future technologies would be more helpful. I mean, one too may hair dryers plugged in at this hotel, and you move from a gentle hover to a very rude whiplash of a wake up call in the space of three feet. I’ll tell you what’s really messed up tho…This phone has a cord.”
(Phone garble)
“For real for real. Yes. I could die by strangulation at any second. You know what?This hotel is on a crash course for one hell of a lawsuit. I can see four, maybe five people getting killed before someone with enough money and connections to go to court comes along. The place is spendy but not exactly regal.”
(Phone garble)
“Well listen, its been full on with this crap for all of us since 1945. I’m all for global therapy. It’s just needed.”
(More phone garble)
“Yep. With you there. Whatever critics say, Cold War is still war. It’s literally right there in the name. Denying that is even more ridiculous than climate change. Who knew we could exceed in all the wrong places? We’ve got quite a bit to work thru huh? I see how we call it the ‘work’ now. Ok. Listen. As I mentioned, this bed is on the move. I’ve got to go. Wish me luck. Love you. Will text to let you know I survived in the morning ok?”
(Brief phone garble)
“Ok. Lots of love then. Good night Chris. I will text in the AM. I love you Brad Bradly.”
Chris hung up and let out a sigh. Saying it outloud did it no favors. There was no way Chris was taking that name in marriage.
Luke came back to Brad and Chris after conducting reconnaissance on the new guy.
Chris so called it.
He was all the same age, from Massachusetts, also an underwear model like Brad and Chris, and in the middle of a shoot as a body double for Macho Man the movie. He was playing the construction worker for the stripper scenes as the actor can’t keep his weight in check. Of all things, his name was Harry.
Brad then said he thought it would be almost funny if Harry’s last name was Lucille or Spotter.
Luke didn’t have a number squared away yet for the fit. It could be a no less than a seven and maybe even a ten. It was certainly right up there. Maybe one more tug would settle the score…
Ahhhh. Who was he kidding? Everybody in!
Brad didn’t need anything on his toast. He had all this manspread. Did you need some because the jar was leaking.
Before the shift manager said anything, Brad sounded off.
First, the shirt was too small, the tie was practically a string, and there were holes in the underwear suggesting to Brad they might have a moth problem. To top it off, the lady at wardrobe didn't issue any pants! This was officially the worst first day with a catering company ever. Who exactly were they catering to anyway? Brad was prettty certain the city health inspector wouldn't be a fan of someone barely dressed running around a ballroom with a gigantic meat platter.
Brad would learn the term 'softcore' in a phone conversation with his new talent agent not five minutes later. It was at the end of that revealing chat where Brad remembered his boyfriend Chris warned him that it was a little weird to sign with anyone new at 3:12am on a Tuesday in the Hollywood Hills. The thought spurred itself sporadically when his agent mentioned his new pair of Gucci sunglasses were misplaced so he needed to cut things short to find go them. It was the only accessory that ever worked for him.
That was easy for Brad to relate to. He couldn't even find pants in the moment. Luckily this wasn't the worst personal crisis in his 22 year history. Brad rarely wore more than a thong as it was. On the other hand, It was very difficult for Brad to believe someone as generous and attentive as his new agent would take advantage of him. After all, it was the fresh representation who patiently waited 45 minutes at the party while Brad tried to figure out which Speedo to wear in the hot tub. If it wasn't for the suggestion to just ditch the swimmers all together, he'd probably still be there. His new agent was a hero.
The guy on the phone said Brad had a good point.
After ever so briefly thanking him for the validation, Brad mentioned it was funny he said that as his new agent said the same thing probably a dozen times while trying on swimmers. What was really surprising to Brad was that everyone in the hot tub agreed when he recounted the thoughtful episode. No one ever listened to him. It was one of the natural pitfalls of being both 22 and so damn attractive. Few took you seriously.
At that point, Brad was promptly asked to drop the pants, hang up the phone, and return to work.
And that everyone is how the Meat Platter softcore stripper series was born.
IG: @rainbow_guillotine
IG: @rainbow_guillotine
IG: @rainbow_guillotine
IG: @rainbow_guillotine
IG: @rainbow_guillotine
IG: @rainbow_guillotine