Before The Shift Manager Said Anything, Brad Sounded Off.

Before the shift manager said anything, Brad sounded off.

First, the shirt was too small, the tie was practically a string, and there were holes in the underwear suggesting to Brad they might have a moth problem. To top it off, the lady at wardrobe didn't issue any pants! This was officially the worst first day with a catering company ever. Who exactly were they catering to anyway? Brad was prettty certain the city health inspector wouldn't be a fan of someone barely dressed running around a ballroom with a gigantic meat platter.

Brad would learn the term 'softcore' in a phone conversation with his new talent agent not five minutes later. It was at the end of that revealing chat where Brad remembered his boyfriend Chris warned him that it was a little weird to sign with anyone new at 3:12am on a Tuesday in the Hollywood Hills. The thought spurred itself sporadically when his agent mentioned his new pair of Gucci sunglasses were misplaced so he needed to cut things short to find go them. It was the only accessory that ever worked for him.

That was easy for Brad to relate to. He couldn't even find pants in the moment. Luckily this wasn't the worst personal crisis in his 22 year history. Brad rarely wore more than a thong as it was. On the other hand, It was very difficult for Brad to believe someone as generous and attentive as his new agent would take advantage of him. After all, it was the fresh representation who patiently waited 45 minutes at the party while Brad tried to figure out which Speedo to wear in the hot tub. If it wasn't for the suggestion to just ditch the swimmers all together, he'd probably still be there. His new agent was a hero.

The guy on the phone said Brad had a good point.

After ever so briefly thanking him for the validation, Brad mentioned it was funny he said that as his new agent said the same thing probably a dozen times while trying on swimmers. What was really surprising to Brad was that everyone in the hot tub agreed when he recounted the thoughtful episode. No one ever listened to him. It was one of the natural pitfalls of being both 22 and so damn attractive. Few took you seriously.

At that point, Brad was promptly asked to drop the pants, hang up the phone, and return to work.

And that everyone is how the Meat Platter softcore stripper series was born.

Chris always opened up when it came to his thoughts his thoughts on mansplaining.

With his own famed fashion label coming online, Gustavio was in it to win it. Handsome, charming, and built like a rock, the Euro heartthrob made making pie as easy as love.

Wait… something’s feels off here. Let’s just hope it’s his shirt. Oh.

It took Chris twenty minutes to piece together his boyfriend Brad's knock knock joke. It clicked after their neighbor Luke pointed out Brad meant 'glad' not GLAAD.

Yes. Brad and Chris lived deep inside the heart of the gay bubble where the teeth were white and the butts were tight. Despite the demographic’s high gloss factor tho, ‘orange’ still didn’t rhyme with ‘range’ or ‘strange’ just as anywhere else.

While the disconnect in pronunciation ironically kept things real in the gay bubble, it only highlighted Brad and Chris’s estrangement from all. For Brad and Chris, oddball orange was right up there with the two pronunciations of ‘read.’ WTF was that about? It sure as H-E double hockey sticks was no accent.

Neither was any phonetic version of tear, bass, or close for that matter. Brad and Chris found the same spelling/different word factor especially confusing. Context was everything here, and in a world of information overload, it was seemingly more often than not the one thing missing.

Oy!

Well… That’s heteronyms for you.

What Chris really needed to know was if this orange number came in a thong.

A few minutes later he would find out it did. It would also turn out the pouch was too small. Should not sales clerks know thier regular customers size and product? The fashion gays were known world wide for being on top of things and this was clearly unprofessional.

Why no one at Gay! Gay! Gay! Underwerks told him about this stuff upfront would irk Chris for days. He finally chilled out when his boyfriend Brad suggested the guy who helped him with the thong might be a bottom. A lot of things happened behind the scenes there so it was impossible to ever really know exactly what might be going on with them. It was likely the mystery that made them so damn attractive so it was often best to just let things be what they were.

To the other end, Chris’ orange thong side cleavage would occupy the sales clerk’s smartphone for several weeks. No one gets ahead in retail without taking calculated risks, and this bet paid off big time in more ways than won. That store clerk is now the company’s top performing regional manager and about to launch his own line of underwear appropriately named X-S.

The news there is that he hasn’t decided yet if the dash will remain silent. Unsurprisingly, La-a already voted against any thread of silence. She was Becky’s friend from when she was a cheerleader in South Africa. It’s Brad and Chris’ guess the two may have been the only cheerleaders to ever exist there. You’ve seen Mean Girls right?

Well… There you go.

Brad further pleaded to his boyfriend.

“So what Chris? Sure it’s 72 degrees and sunny. Wasn’t this everyday in LA?”

After five seconds of silence Brad had it. Things were about to get real.

“Listen Chris. You can’t wear that jockstrap and think I’m not gonna want to stay inside.“

Turns out their neighbor Luke felt the same way. He let himself in through the back door after seeing Chris in the picture window under the assumption it was an open invitation.

According to Chris “it wasn’t but it was tho not entirely accidental nor really intentional either.”

Brad thought things read more happenstancial then questioned if that was even a word.

Luke said “it just was what it was, so that made it a ‘why not just go for it’ kind of a thing.”

They went for it.

Ahhhh…. Boys. They do change but only out of clothes to get laid.

The internet was still happening, right? Someone said it was still on the other week. ....I think. It's just been really busy with all this himbo yellow business.