Gay Things - Tumblr Posts
Shakin' in the elevator.
I kinda hope we get stuck.
Brad and Chris flipped out. How could they play gay bingo if neither of them knew what number came after forelorn? Dr Ruth was right. Sex was fun but everything else was confusing.
@bestofshirtless
@beautifulandhotguy
Brad was about to take a selfie when he realized he was on lunch. Oh gosh. Was it WORK or WERK? Brad didnât know.
Until Chrisâ lecture about heterosexuals, he didnât even think WORK was a real word. It still looked funny. Not funny ha ha either. More like an EWWWW! Yeah. That kinda funny.
Apparently, itâs written in lowercase letters as well. Double EWWWW!!! He def wasnât there yet, but Brad knew one day with tons of effort by other people it may just be possible. Social efficiency was still underground. The trees were smart to live there so he did too.
Brad then looked at the selfie and the clock. 1:30pm on the dot. He typed âWEEERRQQ!!!!!â & hit send. Suddenly, he was feeling statuesque.
Boxed lunch.
Chris was on overload. First, florals for menâs winter swimwear. That could take two years to unwind. Second, no one was at the beach. Like no one. Vacancy always problematic. Third.....well, he couldnât remember. Thatâs when Brad interjected & said Chris should consider auditioning 4 headache commercials.
No one liked Lukeâs new boyfriend Mark. He claimed he didnât own a speedo & his out of control beard felt more than suspicious. Markâs antics were ruining Eqypt. What was the point of traveling 1000s of miles if they couldnât enjoy the bounties of the river?
Chris gave the relationship two, maybe three days. Theyâd all be home by then. Brad asked Chris if maybe Mark was in chastity. Lukeâs âlostâ the keys before making his boyâs act all strange. Chris said that was unlikely. Mark used excessive punctuation in his text messages and was 22.
After reviewing conversations with Mark on both of their phones, Brad enacted a plan to strategically âbumpâ into Mark from behind to cup a feel for a belt. While the first attempt yielded nothing, a second and much slower go from the back dictated evidence that Chris was indeed correct. Unexpected, Luke was likely versatile.
When Brad and Chris asked Luke about playing multiple fields he replied ânoâ then motioned to the water around them. Brad said Captain Obvious couldnât touch that with a 6 foot pole. Chris then told Brad he could touch his pole. Just like that, Luke was back on top. Then Mark walked in wearing a speedo.
Enlightenment wasnât what anyone expected. You could see everything, and oddly it took nothing away.
Something was up. Chris just knew these things.
Chris wasnât really disappointed. Pink was never really totally gay to begin with. Pank. Well, thatâs a different story. Hayyyyy!!!!
Chris didnât want to answer the question. Then he found himself saying fat instead of puffy. That shoot ended quickly. Y didnât he say puffy?!? ARG!!!
Chris stopped to look around. Whew. No gay pirates. He really didnât need this day 2get anymore awkward. At least he jumpstarted sensitivity training 4 the Tampa shoot. There would be no puffy coats there either. Thank god. They really freaked Chris out.
BTWs - the best part about Tampa... inexpensive earrings. Ohhh thatâs a âJust The Fashion Tip.â Someone text that somewhere.
Trevor Signorino by Marco Ovando 2020
Gustavio seemed a little full of himself. Neither Brad or Chris ever wore a watch. They didnât have a tv nor felt it necessary to make weather people feel insecure about their jobs more than they already were. They did haute coture runway just as well if not better. So what if they were from America.
While Brad and Chris gallented in greener pastures, Gustavio furiously ran every red light. Admittedly, a feat in itself on an island without a single traffic signal. Now why did we start talking about this goon?
Oh yeah. Heâs like REALLY HOT. Allegedly also a person just like us, Brad and Chris. Don't worry. We hold our doubts about us too. Namely whoâs who. We can't tell ourselves. Thatâs how we know somethings real. Whut exactly is real TBD. TBA or just the T. Sometimes Y.
Whatev. Just horny right now. HEY. Who's THIS GUY?!?! He is... UGGHHH! Gustavio.
How the hell do eyes have corners anyway? Can we just NOT?!
Bradâs speedo was once again money. Wasnât there something he was supposed to loathe about that? Recycled fashion was redundant. Or was it reductive? Damn that Lady Gaga. Her relevance antics kept throwing Brad off. Tea sounded nice. âYes. Raspberry beret. Thank u.â
It was curtains for Chris. He barely outbid Brad at the Lambda Legal auction for the historic window trimmings. To think a piece from the original Golden Girls set was set right over his piece really something else.
What âdid it allâ mean? Was it every position? Every person? Was it even related to sex?!? Was there anything that wasnât? Chris began to wonder if he might just be too low maintenance.
The Obvious twins didnât read âCaptainâ to Chris and Brad. Now what?!? Auditioning for BOX underwear awkward enough.
Chris felt fat. Maybe he was on organic overload. Until he was sure, eggs were officially back in the âbadâ court along with all the other flip flop foods.
Chris then wondered if eggs were included in the ban on thongs at the beach. Eggs were not explicitly mentioned on the sign. Then again, in this time and age ANYTHING could b explicit. U canât even sneeze!
..Wait! Was THAT Y Chris felt fat?!? Looking back, Chris hadnât sneezed once during the whole pandemic. He wasnât like Brad who snotted every time he laughed really hard.
Ok. Heâd def text Brad to c if FTD delivered. First, he needed 2 ask Siri if there were still enough bees 2 make flowers.
Chris REALLY didnât want to get his new shorts wet.
Luke didnât have a number squared away yet for the fit. It could be a no less than a seven and maybe even a ten. It was certainly right up there. Maybe one more tug would settle the scoreâŠ
Ahhhh. Who was he kidding? Everybody in!
Chrisâ was getting upset. He just bought those swimmers too.
UGH! They werenât easy to find the first time. If it werenât for the sale sign, Chris never would have never seen them at the Speedo Plant Print Plant Factory Store.
The weirdest part was his unit was also missing. How the hell did that fall off? And, how did he not feel something like that?!?
Mystery abounded.
Chris tried to remain calm. What he needed to do was come up with a plan.
After taking two deep breaths Chris decided to give himself two more minutes of searching. If his suit or his balls didnât show up then heâd call in his boyfriend Brad for help.
Chris then looked up at the sky, crossed his fingers, and hoped to Cher. Sure enough, Chrisâ swimmers showed up less than a minute later when he stood up in the shallows and put his hands on his hips.
Ta-da!!!
