Unfiltered Thoughts - Tumblr Posts
I love checking my statistics. It's like a little game.
Yesss little graph show me those numbers. This will not at all have bearing on how I feel for the next hour.
Sanctuary Lost
“Go to church,” they said. “It will be fun,” they said. Well, guess what? I went for a while, and what a circus it turned out to be: creepy men practically stalking me, others desperate to marry me after a mere hello, abusive individuals, and a complete disregard for boundaries. Instead of making genuine connections, I found myself surrounded by people with malicious intentions. The women, who were supposed to be my friends, were quick to judge and ostracize me for simply wanting to look “pretty.” The constant gossip and rumors were suffocating. I'm tired of being around hypocrites. My faith in God remains solid, but the church environment is a breeding ground for toxicity. I want no part of it. I'll worship on my own terms, away from the drama and toxicity of those four walls.
Free At Last
The morning light filtered through the curtains, casting a gentle glow across my room. I lay there for a moment, savoring the quiet, the stillness, the absence of dread. For the first time in a long while, I felt at peace. This was freedom, a feeling I had almost forgotten.
My journey to this point was anything but smooth. For years, I had been ensnared in a web of toxic relationships that had drained my energy and distorted my sense of self. Friends who thrived on drama, a partner whose every word was a calculated blow to my self-esteem, and family members who viewed my boundaries as a personal affront. Each day felt like a battle for survival, where merely getting through was the goal.
The decision to cut these people out of my life didn’t come easy. It was a gradual realization, creeping in through the cracks of countless sleepless nights and anxiety-ridden days. I remember staring at my reflection one evening, the weight of constant stress etched into my features. That’s when I knew something had to change. I couldn't keep living in survival mode.
The process was painful. There were heated arguments, accusations, and tears. My phone buzzed less and less as I distanced myself from those who brought nothing but negativity into my life. At times, the silence was deafening, and I questioned whether I was doing the right thing. Was it really worth the isolation?
But slowly, as the days turned into weeks, I began to notice a change. The constant tightness in my chest started to loosen. I no longer woke up dreading the day ahead. Instead, I felt a growing sense of lightness, of possibility. I began to reclaim pieces of myself that had been lost in the chaos.
I started each day with a simple ritual: a cup of tea on my porch, watching the world come alive. No rush, no immediate demands. Just me, my thoughts, and the soft morning breeze. I rediscovered hobbies I had abandoned—hiking, reading, writing—and found joy in these small, quiet moments. They were mine, untouched by the toxicity that had once consumed my life.
I found myself laughing more, genuinely enjoying conversations with new friends who brought positivity and support into my life. These relationships were based on mutual respect and understanding, not manipulation or control. It was a stark contrast to what I had known, and it felt like stepping into the sunlight after years spent in a dark room.
One evening, as I sat on a park bench watching the sunset, I realized just how far I had come. The vibrant colors painted across the sky felt like a celebration of my newfound freedom. I was no longer in survival mode, constantly bracing for the next attack. I was living, truly living, and it was a revelation.
In this new space, free from toxic influences, I could breathe. I could dream again, set goals, and work towards them without the constant drag of negativity pulling me down. I learned to trust myself, to value my own worth, and to surround myself with people who uplifted and inspired me.
As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a golden glow over everything, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude. I had fought hard to remove the toxicity from my life, and the reward was more than I had ever imagined. I was no longer a prisoner to the demands and manipulations of others. I was free to be myself, to pursue my dreams, and to live a life that was truly my own.
For the first time, I understood what it meant to thrive, not just survive. I had reclaimed my life from those who sought to control it, and in doing so, I had discovered a world of possibilities. This was my life, and I intended to live it fully, joyfully, and without apology.