Spilled Truth - Tumblr Posts
In the depths of my mind, I am imprisoned. Not by bars of steel or chains of iron, but by the relentless machinations of thought. I am an overthinker, condemned to wander the labyrinth of my own mind, forever lost in the endless maze of possibilities and doubts.
Each day begins with the weight of the world pressing down upon my shoulders. Every decision, every action, every word spoken is scrutinized, analyzed, and dissected within the confines of my mind. What if I had said something differently? What if I had chosen another path? These questions echo endlessly, reverberating through the corridors of my consciousness.
It began innocently enough, this curse of overthinking. As a child, I was praised for my curious mind, for my insatiable thirst for knowledge. But somewhere along the way, curiosity transformed into obsession, and knowledge became a burden rather than a blessing.
As I grew older, my overactive mind only grew more restless. Every decision became a monumental task, as I weighed every possible outcome, every potential consequence. Simple tasks became Herculean trials, as I agonized over every minute detail.
And yet, for all my endless pondering, I found no comfort. The more I thought, the more lost I became. It was as if the very act of questioning only served to deepen the jungle of my mind, trapping me further in its intricate web.
But amidst the chaos, amidst the endless maze of my thoughts, there were moments of clarity. Transient moments, like rays of sunlight breaking through the clouds, where everything seemed to make sense. In those moments, I found peace, if only for a fleeting instant.
And so I continue to wander, to question, to overthink. For perhaps it is in the act of questioning that we truly come to understand ourselves. Perhaps the perplexity of my mind is not a curse, but a gift, a never-ending journey of self-discovery.
Perhaps one day I will find comfort in this labyrinth of thought, a way to navigate its winding corridors without losing myself in the process. Until then, I will continue to wander, forever seeking answers to questions that may never have been meant to be answered.
His Love Deception
In the hollow echo of his empty words,
I stand, betrayed, by the lies I've heard.
A man who professed love with a deceitful heart,
Left my soul shattered, torn apart.
His promises, like dust, scattered away,
Leaving me to grapple with dismay.
For in his facade of care, I found despair,
A cruel mockery, too much to bear.
He spoke of devotion, of endless grace,
But his actions spoke of another place.
For in his neglect, a bitter truth unfurled,
No warmth, no solace in this cold world.
I longed to feel his touch, sincere.
To know my worth, to hold me near.
But his affection was a temporary show,
A shallow stream that failed to flow.
Unseen, unheard, I faded away,
Lost in the shadows of his shallow display.
For though he claimed to care, you see,
His love was but a fantasy.
So now I walk this lonely path,
Haunted by the echoes of his shallow wrath.
For in his grasp, I never found,
The love and care that I had drowned.
Extinguished Flame
Despite the pain, I clung to the belief that you were destined to be mine, that our connection was written in the stars. Each time our eyes met, I felt a certainty that you were the one I had been searching for, the missing piece of my existence.
Yet now, as I stand before you, I am enveloped by a haunting emptiness. The flames of love that once raged within me have been extinguished, leaving only a hollow void in their wake. With a heavy heart, I realize that the tumultuous journey of our love has reached its inevitable conclusion.
In this moment of clarity, I am liberated from the shackles of uncertainty and pain. The emotional rollercoaster that once defined our relationship has come to a merciful end, leaving me with a bittersweet sense of closure.
Sanctuary Lost
“Go to church,” they said. “It will be fun,” they said. Well, guess what? I went for a while, and what a circus it turned out to be: creepy men practically stalking me, others desperate to marry me after a mere hello, abusive individuals, and a complete disregard for boundaries. Instead of making genuine connections, I found myself surrounded by people with malicious intentions. The women, who were supposed to be my friends, were quick to judge and ostracize me for simply wanting to look “pretty.” The constant gossip and rumors were suffocating. I'm tired of being around hypocrites. My faith in God remains solid, but the church environment is a breeding ground for toxicity. I want no part of it. I'll worship on my own terms, away from the drama and toxicity of those four walls.
Abu Bakr As-Siddiq رضي الله عنهused to say in his sermon:
"Where is beauty and the handsome? Where are those who were delighted by their youth and good looks?Where are the kings who built cities and fenced them with walls? Where are the victorious in wars? They all perished and ended in the depth of dark graves! Hasten and hurry up [to do good deeds]; but death is faster."
—[Al-Zuhd by Imam Ahmad (2/18)], Hilyah al- Alwiya (1/34) and Sifat al-Safwah (1/261)]
Abu Huraira (Allah ﷻ be pleased with him) reported:
"When any one of you gets up in the morning in the state of fasting, he should neither use obscene language nor do any act of ignorance. And if anyone slanders him or quarrels with him, he should say:" I am fasting, I am fasting.""
—Prophet Muhammad ﷺ // Sahih Muslim 1151a
Narrated by Abu Huraira (Allah ﷻ be pleased with him) :
"Whoever does not give up false statements (i.e. telling lies), and evil deeds, and speaking bad words to others, Allah is not in need of his (fasting) leaving his food and drink."
—Prophet Muhammad ﷺ || Sahih al-Bukhari 6057
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْاِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ ۚ حَمَلَتْهُ اُمُّهٗ وَهْنًا عَلٰي وَهْنٍ وَّفِصٰلُهٗ فِيْ عَامَيْنِ اَنِ اشْكُرْ لِيْ وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ ؕ اِلَيَّ الْمَصِيْرُ
"And We have commanded people to ˹honour˺ their parents. Their mothers bore them through hardship upon hardship, and their weaning takes two years. So be grateful to Me and your parents. To Me is the final return."
— Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى || [Surah Luqman:14]
A silent but catastrophic storm drew near and blew all the happiness that could be merely attained by possibly cherishing the right that has been gifted to me by the one who loves me the most in this entire world. An excruciating pain shoots across my head which directly leads to my heart, leaving my brain and heart both paralyzing and dazed. The noise of shattering echoes in my mind. Shattering of what you ask? Shattering of dreams, self confidence, self love, trust, compassion and above all, love. A love that was nothing but a delusional chase that horribly turned into a terrifying nightmare which altered the subtle yet sublime track of my nerves. Yet still, there is a spark of hope that resides in every cell of my body which believes in the course of life—which will prefer my happiness over anything in this temporary hostage. The suppressed tears, the long gasps of air, the stone cold heart, the screeching voice of my heart which limits itself to myself because the world is immune to the pain of others. I am humiliated by my own thoughts. The ocean of thoughts that drown me in the miseries of my choices. However, this won't last forever. The sun will shine and the darkness will fade. With that hope, I move forward.
"Are you letting yourself be led by fear or by love?"
In a 2021 musical film called Tick Tick Boom, Michael asks his friend Jonathan this question. Two years later, in the early hours of the morning, I ask myself the same thing and the answer is always the same: fear.
I think that for a long time, I lived out of fear for my emotional well-being, my mental health, and my physical safety. I've come to realize that I am no longer in danger. I've come to realize that I cannot dwell on what I cannot control. I've come to realize that I have more power than I thought, but my answering isn't changing.
I thought that if I healed, then I would be fine. But I am not fine. I am directionless.
- @annetries-towrite
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May you attract someone who understands your language.. so you don't have to spend a lifetime to translate your soul..
