Writings On Tumblr - Tumblr Posts
It’s starting to feel the same again..
Like a tightness in my bones that threatens to snap them if I move just one more inch.
Like a pressure forcing me down into the bed, sinking me slowly, ready to suffocate me at another breath.
Like these words are lodged in my throat, choking what little life I had left out of me and my hands are too numb to pull them out.
Like the person down on one knee in front of me is offering far worse than a ring and the damage is irreversible.
What do I do when it starts to feel the same again?
S.Lilobell (Save me from this eternity.)
I’m just a tool on one of your endless hooks.
Hung to show that everything has a place
And as long as I stay in mine..
I can be loved.
S.Lilobell (Do not love outside of the lines.)
La Fleur
“He loves me..
He loves me not..”
One by one the petals fall.
The flower becomes bare.
The answer’s apparent,
Though heartbreaking.
And the stem hits the ground
On the last
“He loves me not..”
-S.Lilobell (What does a flower know anyway?)
Someone once told me I was made of galaxies.
Since then I have not stopped being a home for dying stars.
-S.Lilobell (This void feels like love.)
Your name has dripped from my pen more times than I can count.
In gorgeous, leather bound journals and on the back of used up receipts.
You are everywhere and yet no where at all…
This is what it means to be a memory.
-S.Lilobell (Things I would rather forget.)
Never mine.
You belong to the earth.
You will breath it in and out
And it will become part of you
For the rest of your existence.
And I will be there too
But you do not belong to me.
You belong to the scars
Deceptively scattered on your body.
The remnants of a war
You were forced into as a child.
I have those too,
But you do not belong to me.
You belong to your emotions.
The gut wrenching anger
Used to throw words like knives
Because you were taught hatred.
And I will be your target,
But you do not belong to me.
You belong to yourself.
Safe and sound behind walls
Built from your disassociation
Because control is easier than surrender.
And I will belong to you too,
….but you do not belong to me.
S.Lilobell (…And maybe you never will.)
“Maybe I wanted the world to see me because I’m still waiting for you to.”
-S.Lilobell (Am I beautiful to you yet?)
I want to kiss you
Until all you can see
Is a land full of stars
And a sky full of galaxies.
-S.Lilobell (Only then will you know what I mean when I say “I love you.”)
Heart shaped bruises
And lullaby tears.
Whisper more excuses
So no one can hear
All of your broken screams
And mangled up fear.
Call it LOVE
But the damage is clear.
-S.Lilobell (Abusive words are more sincere.)
“I need someone to understand that I get incredibly cold sometimes and it’ll take more than your warmth to pull me from those depths.”
-S.Lilobell (An ocean of thoughts and I’m drowning.)
It was you.
In the middle of the night
With only a sigh in the air,
It was you.
-S.Lilobell (How could it ever be anyone else?)
“His kiss tasted of warm vanilla and bloody tea leaves. Intoxicating to the mind but deadly to the soul…
… And I let him devour me.”
-S.Lilobell (Poison is just love, coated to perfection.)
Make Believe
Let’s pretend that you’re never like this.
That self loathing and pity
Aren’t the only things riddling your mind
Come morning time.
That by nightfall you’re not a
Boiling pot of hatred and disgust for the day.
Let’s pretend that you don’t exist
Just for the negativity to eat away at you.
That somewhere along the way you don’t
Expect everything to go up in flames
And for people to leave you as fast as
The ash in the wind does.
I know it’s hard to pretend to such extremes,
To act like the world isn’t against you
And every action isn’t meant to break you.
But for one moment let’s just pretend,
That some day you can be whole again…
That some day you’ll find yourself again.
-S.Lilobell (We’re all just playing make believe anyway.)
“I am roaming in a lost world, hoping to find something that doesn’t exist.”
-S.Lilibell (I will look for you everywhere.)
To The Marrow
Despite this scorching water
There’s a chill that cuts straight to my bones.
Maybe I’m hollowed out
And that’s what brings this lucid coldness.
Just a ghost living in a lifeless corpse.
The only skeletons left are the ones in your closet
And I wonder if you think of me
When you dance with them.
-S.Lilobell (Or have you moved on to warmer bodies?)
Ocean eyes staring back at me and all of a sudden I feel the water in my lungs, drowning me in your “love”.
-S.Lilobell (These waves are pulling me under.)
“You won’t find my name at the bottom of that bottle…”
-S.Lilobell (Nor is it on the lips of those strangers you kiss.)
“I don’t lose things, I lose people.”
-S.Lilobell (A seven word story.)
I clung to you as though your love was the only thing my lungs wanted to breathe in.
But you got claustrophobic within my arms and took a step back,
Fearful that my fire would engulf your soul if given the chance...
...And you weren't ready for that.
-S.Lilobell (This is what a dying flame feels like.)
“You looked at me and suddenly my pen had a voice…
…And I had lost mine.”
-S.Lilobell (Oh the kind of magic in those eyes.)