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Wanda: All in all, a 100 successful trip.

Y/N: But we lost Pietro.

Wanda: All in all, a 100 successful trip!

Nat: *walks into the kitchen, ignoring everyone*

Wanda: Hey, Nat, how was your day?

Nat: *picks up an onion and bites into it, staring at Wanda* Hell.

Y/N, watching this unfold: *whispers* Who hurt you?

Ned: Did you bring Y/N?

Shuri, gesturing to Peter: No, but I brought the next best thing.

Ned: Peter? The next best thing would be MJ.

Peter: I would be offended, but MJ is freakishly strong.

Loki: What’s your biggest fear?

Steve: That I’ll never be good enough for anyone.

Stephan: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.

Peter: Zombies.

Steve: ...

Stephan: ...

Peter: BUT they can open doors.

Sam: There's a spider! Quick!

Bucky: *grabbing rolled-up newspaper* Where? Where?

Sam: Right ahead of me! Get him! Get him!

Peter: Hey- What?

Sam: There it is! There it is!

Bucky: *smacks Peter*

Loki: What's that?

Peter: Chocolate.

Loki: What's chocolate?

Peter: Candy. Do they not have candy where you're from?

Loki: Yeah. Grapes, nuts.

Peter: No wonder you're so bitter.

Y/N: Self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath or putting on a lot of make up if you like that, or taking a nice warm nap and stuff like that basically.

Peter: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you. self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists. self care is the fear in your enemies eyes.

Loki: Self care is stealing someones birthday cake just to eat the frosting.

Peter: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

Peter: *yawns*

Y/N: Yeah, being that pretty must be tiring.

Peter: Then you must be exhuasted.

Loki: Will you two shut up? Some of us are lonely.

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*

MJ: Thanks fam!

Harley: Oh no.

Peter: *cries* I love you too.

Ned: Sounds fake, but okay.

Y/N: *A flustered mess*

Shuri: Can I get a refund?

Peter: Your lover doesn't have the mental strength to caramelize onions.

Y/N: Your lover thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions.

MJ: Who's fucking caramelizing onions? Have you sociopaths forgotten that apples exist?

Ned: Do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions.

Bucky: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Sam: Not if they consent to it.

Y/N: Depends on who your stabbing.

Steve: YES??!!?

*The squad over at Steve’s house*

Thor: Ohhh, we each get our own oven?

Steve: …N-No…

Steve, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???

Thor, motioning to the kitchen: Three, I thought!

Bruce: I see a—

Steve, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.

Thor: Oh, well I—

Steve: Hey wait, wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*

Steve, amazed: It’s got a bake setting!

Clint: Ohoho, you learn something new everyday!

Tony: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?

Steve: Now I’ve just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don’t need to roshambo nothin!

Steve: I am someone who owns four ovens…

Steve, louder and way too happy: I am someone… who owns FOUR OVENS…

Steve: I didn’t know I was so rich with ovens…

Natasha, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!

Steve:

Thor: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!

Steve:

Steve, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS

Stark!Reader: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it…

Tony: Just rip the bandage off.

Stark!Reader: It's Loki.

Tony: Put the bandage back on.

Y/N: What’s something you’re better than Bucky at?

Sam, without hesitation: Everything.

Peter, after a brief moment of thinking: Mario Kart.

Steve, sadly: Emotional Vulnerability

Kate: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Peter: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Y/N?

Y/N: Probably “road work ahead”.

Bucky, confused af: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

Store Worker: Would Miss Y/N L/N come to the front desk?

Y/N, arriving at the front desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker: *points to Sam and Bucky*

Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?

Sam and Bucky, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Y/N: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me—

Y/N: JAMES!!!

Bucky: First name, could be fine.

Y/N: BUCHANAN!!!

Steve: Middle name, not looking so good!

Y/N: BARNES!!!

Steve: You’re in trouble.

Y/N: YOU TOO, STEVEN GRANT ROGERS!!!

Bucky: *smirks*

Steve: …Shit…

Y/N, to Sam: My life is in the hands of an idiot!

Sam, motioning to himself and Bucky: No no no no no, TWO idiots!

Peter, randomly: I wish I was a cat, but not in a furry kinda way, more like a “I can sleep all day and hit people with no consequences” kinda way.

Y/N: *gasps* OH MY GOD SAME!

The Avengers, watching with concern for their youngest members:

Peter: DID WE JUST BECOME BEST FRIENDS!?

Y/N: I THINK WE DID! QUICK WHO, ON THE TEAM, IS THE HOTTEST MAN THAT YOU WOULD, WITHOUT A DOUBT, LET RAIL YOU!? ON THE THE COUNT OF THREE!

Peter: One…

Y/N: Two…

Peter: THREE!

Peter and Y/N, in unison: LOKI!!!

The Avengers, gasping in shock and muttering: what the fuck!?

Loki sitting there, confused as to what the word ‘rail’ meant, but still with a smug and cocky af grin:

Peter: Do you want to go up to my room and blast ‘I’m a Gummy Bear’ just to annoy the hell out of the tower!?

Y/N, scoffing playfully: Who doesn’t!?

The Avengers, sitting around the room, watching their two youngest members run off, still in shock as well as concern:

The Avengers having realized what you guys were about to do, groaning in sync:

Loki, sitting there, thinking: What does this ‘rail’ mean?

Tony, facepalming: I don’t think we should tell you…

Loki:

Loki, arubtly standing from his place on an arm chair: Very well. I shall go use this ‘Internet’ the two younglings have taught me to use.

The Avengers sitting in comfortable silence for a moment before realizing what Loki was going to do, and shouting: LOKI! NO!!!

Bucky, after a nightmare about his time at HYDRA: How are you still holding yourself together?

Y/N: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.

Peter: …Mood…

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-

Peter: No returns.

Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad...

I relate to this on a whole new level…

Natasha: All of your existences are confusing.

The Team: How so?

Natasha: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you upsets me.