It's Scary Seeing Myself Fall In Love. Like, Healthy Love. The One Where I Work Really Hard Not To Become

It's scary seeing myself fall in love. Like, healthy love. The one where I work really hard not to become obsessed and make him my favorite person.

And it works, I like and love him, but I don't suffer if he is gone. I can totally live without him. I don't need him, but ai want to be with him.

It's scary because I don't know this kind of love. But I like it.

Do you think we'll get a happy ending?

I hope so. I think we would deserve it. Waking up next to each other, cooking and cleaning and raising pets as we laugh and cry and live together.

Tw: mention of sh

I wish I could curl up and sleep forever. I really need some rest. I just want a break from all of this.

I want to cry in his arms and be held until I fall asleep. I want to wake up, my head buried in the crook of his neck and feel safe.

Or I could relapse, that is like a really satisfying feeling. Just slicing through skin and seeing the beautiful blood that seeps out of my fresh wounds.

God it's hard to stay sober😭

Tw: mention of sh

I relapsed again and told my boyfriend and I'm justs o scared that he won't like me anymore because if it.

Which is not even logical because he also struggles with sh, but still.

I just know that noone loves broken people and I am shattered into 1000 different parts...

Tw: ed

I think it's kind of funny that the chain in disordered eating behaviors is prominent in my family.

Like, my mother learned from her mother and I did from her. We pass our fears and regrets on to the next generation.

If I survive and decide to raise children, I'll try to break that chain.

It will be hard, generations of making food the enemy is not easy, but I will do it.

Tw: suicide ideation

Tell me how to end this and I will. What is left on this planet for me? I want to stumble over a cliff and fall. Be free.

I want to be something different. Let me become stardust again.