Okay, I Texted Him.

Okay, I texted him.

He is still alive.

:))

I'm okay again. Pretty funny how much I worry about him...

He played guitar today, I love when he plays guitar, it makes me happy.

He is really good at it, and his voice is beautiful too.

He looks so right when he is making music. He seems to be doing better and feeling stuff.

I like him, hehe.

I really do :)

I texted him and it was okay :)

I thought he had been angry at me, but apparently he actually wasn't. I should stop interpretating everything.

I like himmmm.

Ahhhhhhh

Thinking about this one guy on summer camp which made me feel right.

He would sing to me. He would hold me when I was to drunk to walk. He would stargaze with me. He would go on midnight swims with me. He would build little gobling houses out of stickes and stones and moss with me. He would hold and cuddle me for hours.

He was everything.

He made me feel like I didn't have to pretend.

He showed me unconditional kindness. I asked him how and why and he hugged me and explained that I deserved it.

I miss him. I'd really like to be in his arms and have him sing to me right now.

I named the fly in my room Larry, he landed on my hand and I think that is the closest that I have felt to another living thing in days.

I think my biggest sin is that I wanted to be loved.

Creatures like me never get a happy ending.

Tw: slight mention of sh, ed and suicide

I love my boyfriend. I am also very much worried about him. But he told me not to try and help him, if that's what he wants, I'll respect it.

I trust him.

If he needs to leave me because it gets too bad, he should.

I have come to terms with people doing what they are doing. I can't make my friends stop their unhealthy behaviors.

I've given up on making them eat or stopping them from cutting or keep them from death.

It's their life. I can't control it, I can only respect what they want.

I want attention. Any kind of attention.

I don't care how bad I will feel after, but now I need someone to make me feel loveable in any kind of way.

And if I am only used for money, my body or to vent to me. It would be better than this.

I have to keep myself distracted.