I Want To Spend A Lazy Day With Someone.

I want to spend a lazy day with someone.

And when I day someone I mean him.

Getting up late, I'll cook breakfast and wash the dishes while he watches YouTube or even better plays guitar and we are just lazy together.

Bathing together. Rubbing his back and braiding his hair while watching some stupid movie.

Baking together and telling each other off for eating thr dough. Little top of the head kisses and then I'll cook us a good dinner and when I clean he is there hugging me from behind.

We go to bed, maybe reading a boon to one another and just existing together.

Cuddling and living.

Tw: suicide

One of the friends I made while I was in the mental ward killed himself.

He was also a trans dude pre official name change or hrt. He was a few years older than me.

He loved art. He was really good at it. I got to draw into his sketchbook.

I didn't know him well but I did look up to him. I thought that maybe at his age I could also start doing better.

Now he is gone. He is dead. He will never get to have his own art gallery or feel right in his body.

I'll try for him now. And for all the other people that couldn't continue.

I'm glad I got to know him...

The world is moving so fast, I wish I could just sleep for a while.

Preferably in his arms. Safe and protected. Just taking a break from the world for a few days.

My body feels so heavy and my mind is drowning in thoughts. I just want some peace, even for just a few minutes.

I want attention. Any kind of attention.

I don't care how bad I will feel after, but now I need someone to make me feel loveable in any kind of way.

And if I am only used for money, my body or to vent to me. It would be better than this.

I have to keep myself distracted.

I think my biggest sin is that I wanted to be loved.

Creatures like me never get a happy ending.

I love the smell of hair dye. It has saved me so many times already.

So yeah, since autumn is starting I went red again :)