Small Vent

small vent

its insane how when my ed first developed, my dream was 120 lbs. I always told myself that once i reached that weight, i would stop. unfortunately, when i hit that weight, i craved more. it slowly went down to 115, to 100, and now to 95. deep down, i know it will never be enough. but i dont care, i wanna be perfect, in control, disiplined. and to me, starving is the highest form of self disipline.

ok so i’ve managed to fake eat some stuff and got away with a rlly low cal dinner (basically chicken breast and green beans) so rn my day total is at ~586 c4ls. it acc angers me sm that without the coke it woulda been closer to like 350 or smt ughh fml

my biggest fear literally just happened. i had a normal coke instead of a fucking coke zero. i fucking hate myself how could i be so blind and stupid??? that’s like over 200 extra cals. and i was doing so well today and was at only around 230 or smt idk. i fucking hate this. now i’m at 400 and something and im still gonna be forced to eat dinner and smt after. i need to find a way to get out of this ughhh

I just knew I was going to get termed, good thing I had my backup account <3

Reasons to NOT binge

1. You gain weight.

2. It often leads to uncomfortable bloating and indigestion.

3. It can increase your risk of diabetes and heart problems.

4. You feel guilty or ashamed afterward.

5. It usually involves unhealthy food choices.

6. It can leave you feeling sluggish and tired.

7. It can make anxiety or depression worse.

8. It disrupts healthy eating habits.

9. It can mess with your hormones and mood.

10. Your self-esteem suffers.

11. It makes portion control harder in the future.

12. It puts extra stress on your digestive system.

13. You lose touch with natural hunger and fullness cues.

14. Food as emotional comfort is so dangerous.

15. It raises the risk of literal de@th.

16. Your skin could break out from too much sugar or processed food.

17. It’s hard to stay active or exercise after overeating.

18. Over time, it can mess up your metabolism.

19. It can get expensive to overeat all the time.

20. glow down

using a fasting tracker app is such an underrated tip cuz once that timer starts i literally can’t eat anything. like i legit will not allow myself too cuz then im gonna have physical evidence that i have no self control (like imma have to actually admit and accept i broke my fast) which i js can’t have

it’s stopped sooooo many possible binges

my mock exam is tomorrow guys aaaararrrgghh