Dear Tumbler Diary

Dear Tumbler Diary

This to me, will always be a dream. I have been told by the Goddess of "self love" herself. That I would always have issues with love. I honestly do not know how to unravel that per-say. But! if I had to guess. I would say that the ball will always been my court and I have such an awareness that. I should always do what's best for me. & if I don't then the issue is mine, because I know better.

And like 23 year old me would say. "If you know better! Then you should do better"! Now I see that's not completely true. Then I spoke with the mindset of someone who did not have what he has now. I spoke with privilege and arrogance. I spoke like I knew everything. I also think that's why I'm still single. Because I think I know everything. I can also see how that's a major turn off. I myself am turned off by it. I can see how others are too.

When It comes to love I'm very delusional and I know I cannot be trusted. My head and heart are always fighting about what they want and what they need. The modern gay is too free and uneducated on how to court and love one another. We have many examples of how to fuck and have safer sex. But! not too many examples of how to love yourself or how to love the same sex or gender. How to have a successful healthy relationship. That's why I think we as gays and we as non whites have an issues. The stigmas and history surrounding homosexuality and What love is supposed to be. Even what main stream religion says how we’re to love in our organic environments. They won't let it happen. & if it does. Someone, somewhere for the sake or morals and beliefs. Sacrifices something! It does not always have to be grand or even a big sacrifice. But! There's always something given up.

One of the ways homosexuals sacrifice love is, by doing what’s expected of them. Listing to people who probably mean well, but don’t walk in the shoes of us. Happiness is the of the worse sacrifices to make. When stripped of it. Resentment and self loathing kicks in like over watered roots of any house plants. From the inside out it rots. It decay’s. Over time killing the person of all that would have and even could have made them better! Better people and bette for there community.

When I though I had found the love of my life. I was lost in desire. Love spells or attraction spells are dangerous because, they need to be done by people who are of sound mind. To me, if you do not have a strong foundation of self awareness, aware of your own imperfections and well as your blessings. Then you sorta cursed yourself to be with someone who you! Become dependent on.

One night in my early years of adult hood. I took it upon myself. With my half baked mindset. To cast into the universe to bring to me the qualities in a man that I hold dear and desired. This man was a man who had the eye of everyone. But! who came home to me! He was wealthy in love and energy. And yada yada yada. So I wrote these qualities down on a paper bag. Written in devil blood ink. On the night of a new moon of blessings. I took my deck of tarot. "This is where I fucked up" and placed the Lovers first followed by the Six of cups. Here! is where I FUCKED ME! and hard too. Followed by other suits. It was a while ago. So forgive for not giving too much detail. I had a red votive candle blessed and charged the night before. I placed it directly on my deck and anointed the space with Freshly cracked black pepper and willow leaves from Central Park. I love working with willow. And yes of course the tincture was blessed and anointed by HECATE. So not only did I call out to the Universe. I called HECATE too. Which was not really a good Idea. because I did not offer her the things I was supposed to. And back then I was depressed and was looking for a way of escape. In that time of my life. Sexual pleasure was my way out. "Who says being a slut isn't fun!"

Now! fast forward many years later A child of Yemaya and of the other Orisha, I know more now. Even better! I should have not only respected myself. But! my craft. Looking back now I can say I disrespected HECATE. writing this I see I have a debt to pay! She too has always been good to me. Blessed me with all wishes i asked for. Now, i take into account of how I cast spells and what for. Not all things can be completed with magic. But! It sure helps. Lol to be honest a natural love. And health and bountiful love will come to me. I just have to be sure to be ready for it. And welcome it with light and love in my heart, money on the bank and foundation so strong. That even when the earth quakes, moves and cries we are undisturbed and unaware of the fires that are outside our door!

serve your plate first before serving others.

He asked me when I fell in love with him and I knew it sounded dramatic to say the moment I saw him, so I told him this story of my grandma who had Alzheimer's- she forgot her name and the words for fruit and food, she forgot her address and how to use the washroom, all her life lost to the disease. The only thing she remembered was her son's name and when that began to fade, the one thing she always remembered was that she loved him, even in illness, even in insanity. She saw this 6 foot 2 man with a scrubby beard and she didn't know him but she said she trusted him, she asked him to hold her hand when she died. When does memory end and love begin? All I know is- she loved him before she remembered him.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire

It's Internet Explorer's last day, so it's mandatory to post this relic.

This is the cutes thing ever!

Pike recently has become obsessed with the nebula light in our livingroom.

OH!! how the Siren calls.

Lately I have been taking more in to account of how I behave. I see how people respond to me. I can say this is a good and bad thing. I'm usually on the extreme ends of the pendulum. Ether too good or not good enough.

This falls in the relm of me advising people. Being the Reader that I am. I have to choose very carefully how I say things, when I need to advise people. Because they actually do listen to me. One of the people I'm talking about is my dearest sister witch! The Enchantress. The Enchantress and I have been friends for a while. We first met in Harlem. When I starting to phase out of 20's in to my more mature adult phase of my life. She and I, like in the movies met at a coffee house. Sparked conversations over how I was feeling that day. Having felt stuck at a job that did not appreciate me. I could not quit because at that time I was just finishing up my associates. It would have been more challenging to quit while I was focused on my school work.

I nicked named her the Enchantress, because all who meet her are so spell bound by her beauty and her softness. It's something you just have to experience. Words cannot justify the feeling you get when being around her. How as an individual, she radiates more than a group of 10 people. It's just a delight to be around her. I can say I lost my breath by her friendship by how she's influenced my life. To give a better understanding of what she''s about. She's a young woman in her early 30's late 20's that has a career in construction as a safety coordinator. Among the city of New York, she walks all through the city. Strutting her petite curves and her sister locks. Enchanting all who lay eyes on her.

The Enchantress is what I like to call a desire. A love witch. SHE does glamours and love spells. Not that she needs to. But! these are the areas of expertise. It's just what she like to work with. Me! I like to know shit before hand. I don't like to know things last min. You know, things will fall apart and others will make you look like a joke!

When Muggles can tell. That you're different from them, they'll treat you bad. And that's been the case for me. Like Sofia said in the color purple. " All my life I had to fight." " A fem child is not safe in a house full of mens" I mean hey I paraphrased the last part. But! it still holds weight. I'm writing about her because I would like for you all to know of her before. I tell you things about what I experience with her. that also effect me too. This is a story that needs to be told.

.................To be continued!!

The Rose Of Jericho, Desert Bloom Of Abundance

The Rose Of Jericho is a tumbleweed species that has the ability to help attract abundance & prosperity. This plant also soaks up negative energy in the immediate area so it can be a lovely addition to an altar or placed by the front door as a friendly green greeter.

When you first receive your Rose Of Jericho it will be very dry and shriveled up. Put a tiny amount of water on a plate, just enough that you can place the roots on the bottom of the plant in the water, leave it alone for 24 hours. When you come back your Rose Of Jericho will have brightened and opened up. Take whatever water is left in the bowl after the Rose Of Jericho has had a drink and use that to bless yourself, your family members or as a wash on your altar. Give the Rose Of Jericho a little bit of fresh, clean water to replace what you take.

Make sure that every couple weeks you give the plant about a week without exposure to any water so it can dry out. This species doesn't handle constant moisture very well and the last thing you want is to have to throw this precious plant away because it's covered in mold.-Zwahk (Image from www.farmergracy.co.uk)