"How Am I Supposed To Say I Miss You And I Love You When You Ruined My Life? How Am I Supposed To Morn

"How am I supposed to say I miss you and I love you when you ruined my life? How am I supposed to morn you when you were my monster, controlling me like a puppet that I wasn't. I'm free, and yet here I am, still confused. Are you family or a foe? Am I supposed to miss you or forget you? Am I even supposed to have these thoughts?"

- Dreaming of Wolves//Dark 3AM Thoughts

I'M DOING AN EXPERIMENT

To prove something to a friend, please

REBLOG IF YOU THINK ASEXUALS BELONG IN LGBTQ+ SPACES

LIKE IF YOU THINK ASEXUALS DON’T BELONG IN LGBTQ+ SPACES

"She's going to sit alone. Right at that same table where she built it all. Her happiness, her courage, her perseverance, but most importantly, where she met all of her friends. Now it's all crumbling down to her fingertips. She closes her eyes and tries to dream herself away into a reality where all of that still exsists, but she can't. It's all blank without the real thing... Without the real them. Complete nothingness. She can't even remember their voices. Everything is fading away from her. And everytime, she blames herself for something that she couldn't control. They've all left now; her friends. The girl lifts her head and stares at them. They're all happy. They all prance around, discussing random topics she used to talk about with them all of the time. She even sees her crush holding hands with her best friend. They don't even notice her. All of them go sit at their new table, completely forgetting about what once was. She weakly smiled as tears fell down her cheeks. Her heart ached for them. For someone. But she had no one. She put her head back down and waited for an escape. She pulled her sketchbook and poetry journal closer to her. They may only be objects, but they are all she has now. She pours her heart out crying. She couldn't hold it in any longer. Her fears were reality, and she somehow had to stay strong in this. But how could she stay strong when she wasn't going to be remembered by any of them? Was it all pointless to make memories in the first place? She just wanted to disappear. She then heard whispers all around her. It sounded like her friends, but that couldn't be. She lifted her head up and rubbed her eyes. A boy with a pretend smile and a sympathetic gaze pulled me into a hug.

"You're going to be okay, we're all going to be okay. I promise."

She cried into his chest until they all gathered around her and tackled her into a group hug.

Her friends.

They were here.

"I'm sorry for the mess I've created," She shyly whispered, "haven't you forgotten me, yet? I would've."

"How could we forget about you?" A raven haired boy asked, "We've been right here the whole time."

- Dreaming of Wolves//Vent

(I just... Sobbed while writing this.)

A List of Things That Signal I'm Sad or Feeling Something Very Deeply (But I Won't Ever Tell You-):

- I start being very short with you. Instead of thoughtful sentences, you only get (Oh. Oh cool. Ha. Etc.)

- I start having a very pessimistic drop in my tone

- I start changing the convo

- I start changing the topic to you rather than me

- I take longer to reply

- I use hhhhh a lot

**In irl**

- I avoid your eyes

- My posture drops

- I start fidgeting

- I stay silent

- I rest my head and just look like someone who got stabbed

Things I Needed To Hear But Never Did:

- You are enough. No matter what, you are enough.

- It's okay to not be okay.

- Never stay in toxic relationships. Run away as far as you can from them.

- People break your heart. And it's okay. And it's okay to feel like you will never live again. You'll survive. I promise.

- You deserve the love you give others too.

- You deserve to be protected.

- It's okay to be vulnerable.

- Opening up to others is beneficial. Not every person will be as untrustful as the first. You can trust some.

- You deserve love. You deserve affection. You deserve a personal connection.

- Someone misses you somewhere.

- You don't have to be perfect. Perfection isn't the key to everything.

- Apologies may fix it in words, but actions are what really matter.

- Love yourself before you try and love anyone else.

- They're not staring at you. They don't hate you. Breathe. It's okay. You're okay. Everything is okay. No need to panic.

I'm scared to form friendships because I know I'm going to give it my all. I'll be loyal every single time. I'll stay up with them until 3AM if they just need to talk. I'll never abandon them. I'll comfort them and give them letters. I'll do everything. But for me? They'll be interested for a little bit. Then they'll drift away and abandon me. They won't care. They won't even think of me. This is why I don't make friendships; because I'll get hurt all over again and I need to protect myself.

- Dreaming of Wolves//Memoir