Candles

Candles

It's his birthday today. I nearly forgot.

Fears

I’m concerned that I can attribute some of my recent progress to being with someone else.  I worry this makes the steps forward I’ve made “artificial” and if she and I should ever split I would crumble and regress.

There are nights when I'm lying in bed next to her, where I'm safe and cozy and I should be happy.

But I'm not. I'm restless. I'm angry without purpose. I'm stressed. I'm sad.

She brings me so much joy, but he steals it.

Mother's Day has been an interesting time each year since my abortion. I'm in my 30s, so people often wish me Happy Mother's Day.

This year it didn't hurt.

Reminder to any of you out there facing a difficult decision: sadness and regret are not the same thing.

Sad Things.

I found a list of names. If things had been different and I had a girl, we would have called her Alice.

Bewilderment

I saw a musical recently; a tongue in cheek comedy based on a cult classic.

One of the characters was a real unsavory person - a liar, a pusher, a rapist and abuser. At the same time, he also facilitates some of the comedy, so it was not uncommon to laugh at one of his lines. One, however, really threw me off.

“I could kill you, you know!” he says to his lady companion who was pushing his buttons.

The audience laughed. I held my breath.