Enoughdonegone - It's Not Fine.

Im so tired. This life has made me just so damn tired.

Fears

I’m concerned that I can attribute some of my recent progress to being with someone else.  I worry this makes the steps forward I’ve made “artificial” and if she and I should ever split I would crumble and regress.

Ah.  Some things haven’t changed

During social engagements I am either:

A) scrambling to find something to say.

B) wondering why i am/chastising myself for talking too much.

There is no happy medium. Whatever i have done is incorrect.

Some if it you never get back, either.

I think all of us who went thru long term abuse we were unable to escape from had to tear out pieces of ourselves, of our mental health, physical health, emotional health, our integrity, our personality, our life, just to stay alive, we had to trade parts of ourselves for our life and that is not something you ever forget or recover from.

Hush.

I can't stand listening to people try to have dialogue about abusive relationships and why people stay.

The pseudo psychological jargon and the fake-sympathy-but-actually-condesending-as-fuck-tone they use is maddening.