I Wrote This Post In The Early Weeks Of Freedom. Nearly Three Years Later I'm Still Discovering New Impacts

I wrote this post in the early weeks of freedom. Nearly three years later I'm still discovering new impacts of the damage.

Rinse, repeat.  Rinse, repeat.

I have started writing a number of my posts with “The worst thing about an abusive relationship is….” and then having to erase it because it isn’t true.  I can’t call this particular aspect or experience the worst thing.  It’s all the worst thing.

This is what day one feels like, btw.

I am organizing and shredding paperwork today. It's an insurmountable task and it makes me sick to my stomach. It's the only chore that gives me irrefutable proof of failures and horrible memories.

I have found so many things with both of our names on it still. Every time I think I've got it all, I find another stash.

I wrote this years ago, and finally had it in me to search for the article properly. Apparently I was a little off on the title, but I remember the content well enough.

He read this as a list of accusations that he applied to me even when they didn’t. He should have seen me for my rotten core.

There is nothing of substance or value here; likely a severely misogynistic incel's fantasy world. So many trigger warnings, but if you're curious:

here it is, an article from 2013 written by a person who hopefully never breeds.

I need a breather

I was composing a post regarding him sending me snippits of an article ( generous term, since I seem to recall it being a reddit gem) entitled ”How to Know You’re Dating a Slut.”  It’s as charming as it sounds from what I remember but details will have to wait for another post. 

You see, I made a horrible, horrible mistake: I tried to search for the article.  Like, by typing the title above into Google.  

You should try it.  Actually don’t; it’s horrible. The results you get are just…. ludicrous.  I’m barely keeping myself from drowning in my own guilt and self loathing, and it was too much.

So that project above is on indefinite hiatus.  The internet is an awful place.  Who knew.

I've started a new job teaching English to new Canadians. It is the first time in my life I am actually making Good Money and feeling like I am doing something worthwhile.

It's also a problematic job for me. As my mother ( a highschool teacher) says about being a teacher : congratulations, you've won an excellent job that will make you insecure in your abilities and your effectiveness every day forever.

What have i done?