Never Ending - Tumblr Posts

esto es un trabajo en progreso que nuca termine (y de los primeros que hice) y estoy casi segura que nunca terminaré que tiene que ver con una idea de fanfic que escribí y se quedo en hiatus pero me arte de que este muriendo en mi compu y acumulando polvo ... así que ... disfruten? ------------------------------ This is a work in progress that is never finished (and the firts I do) and I am almost sure that I will never finish that has to do with a fanfic idea that I wrote and it went on hiatus but I know that it is dying on my computer and collecting dust ... so ... enjoy?

si eres de los pocos seguidores que tengo o te dio curiosidad puedes preguntar sobre la idea ...

If you are one of the few followers that I have or you are curious, you can ask about the idea ...

a racial oddisee

blue and tan color a white man. black and red another nigga dead. wack is this you know the allusion. way back before a prophetic conclusion.

I am organizing and shredding paperwork today. It's an insurmountable task and it makes me sick to my stomach. It's the only chore that gives me irrefutable proof of failures and horrible memories.

I have found so many things with both of our names on it still. Every time I think I've got it all, I find another stash.

I feel a strong and sharp energy flow through my brain

That quickly opens my tired eyes and I’m awake again

I must think about all the people I could be hugging tonight

If it hadn’t been for me, disappearing from their lives

I swallow the pain and it goes back to my brain

And to avoid for the loop to endlessly repeat itself

I tell myself, that I’m ok

That I have to be alright

And finally, I fall asleep with all my muscles tense as fuck

Part of my poem “Lonely nights thinking about hugs” which is about physical and emotional loneliness :)

Despite death or end is painful and shattering heart, it is a bitter truth and is much better than a meaningless false.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

how did it all change? how did it become so complicated? we live under the same roof and we fight constantly. we keep going at it, a never ending feud. u know i hated u; i think a part of me still does. it's just that our situations are so complicated now. i feel confused and you sure don't make it any easier for me. you constantly keep undermining me and pinning me onto the wall and blaming me. I've tried. oh how hard I've tried but there is no way to untangle so many year's rift all thrown together into this thing we call a relationship. do i wish that it was non existent? of course i do. i wish it every single day. i wish our relationship wasn't as broken and messy as it is now. i wish i could openly hug u and kiss you and say you how much i love you. but here's the thing. i do not love you. i do not know what i feel towards you. years of conflict and hate muddled my senses. it's like my brain tells me that i am programmed to love you but there's this glitch which makes it hard to feel that certain feeling and since i can't really over ride my biological programming, i can't hate you either. i most surely do not nothing you to be honest on a certain level. we fight and throw tantrums and you accuse me of things i haven't done and at the end of the day we still talk about stuff. i admit that there will never come a day when i will openly admit to you how conflicted i am about how i feel about our relationship but i guess the only thing to do is admit that this dysfunctional thing is what we are. we are not going to get past it. we crossed that threshold a long time ago, some scars don't heal properly. but may be some scars were meant to be etched into my skin, into my heart and into my brain and some scars were meant to be etched into yours. Nonetheless, Happy Mother's Day mom.