Cried Most Of The Day After Work Today. No Idea Why; Jut A Lot Of Weeping. But I've Made A Sizeable Dent

Cried most of the day after work today. No idea why; jut a lot of weeping. But I've made a sizeable dent in the laundry I've been neglecting for the last month.

So... Solid D+ day I'd say.

Or what?!

On rare occasions, I would take the tiniest step toward defending myself.

“Please don’t talk to me like that.”

The response was always the same.  

“Or what?!”

“Or nothing? Just don’t.”

He did not know how to navigate a world without threats.  I didn’t use a threat to establish a boundary and he interpreted that as a green light to continue the behaviour. He thought I offered nothing of value if I didn’t see it as something to withhold.

Don’t get me wrong here.  There are consequences for your actions, and repeated disrespect in a relationship probably should end in its termination. But a constant tit for tat situation is petty at best, and that’s not the type of partner I am.

So I never took that bait and I think I disappointed him with my response.  He had probably rehearsed a nasty retort to  “Or I’ll leave you” that he never got to use. Pity.

Daymare where I am in court because he's trying to get some money Ive come in to. He's telling the judge how terrible I am, and I'm just trying to explain that I just want to be left alone.

Aaaannnd I'm crying over the pancakes I'm making.

I’ve come to the conclusion that he must be painfully torn these days.

While the anti-mask/vax clusterfuck tends to also exude that xenophobic vibe that resonated deep in his poisonous soul, he had been telling me for years about how ‘man-made’ pandemics were coming and they were going to be deadly.

He’s probably showering in Lysol while jerking off to the PPC’s platform.  And then struggling with an identity crisis.  

Being sick is an Excuse:  Episode 3

I had mono about 9 years ago.  I was awake for 4ish hours a day, and just could not function for the rest.  He could have threatened me with a knife and I wouldn’t have woken up or moved.

I spent my 4 hours of consciousness taking care of him while he sat on his computer and played video games.  Cooked his dinner and lunches (I couldn’t swallow without immense pain, so I don’t think I ate?), did laundry, washed dishes, cleaned the bathroom, and then passed out.

Most people would help/comfort their partner.  Him? 

“Well if you’re going to be allowed to slack so much, you need to make up for it.”

Hindsight.

Weaponized incompetence my ass just weaponize it back. Once my dad tries to pull the “but I don’t know how to clean the counters as well as you” on my mom and she said “ok honey I’ll show you” and she made him stand in the kitchen and watch her clean the counters. Then she pulled out a bottle of chocolate syrup and proceeded to spray the entire kitchen in chocolate, hand him the sponge and said “okay now it’s your turn”