Abuse and trauma survivor - these are my stories in no particular order. Content warnings and triggers everywhere. Adult blog; 18+ only.
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Approximately 24 Hours Out From Discovery And I Can Talk About It A Little. There Were Two Things I Felt
Approximately 24 hours out from discovery and I can talk about it a little. There were two things I felt in particular that I was ashamed of:
Jealousy - this lasted for no more than 5 seconds, but it was still the first one I felt. Can you really hate someone if you're jealous of the person they're with, however fleeting that emotion is?
Doubt in my own experience - it hits so subtly, but like a freight train at the same time. If she likes him and wants to marry him, he can't be that bad, right? Was everything I felt and experienced real? Or was it al in my head? Did I invent it all to justify being a bad person?
It's been seven years, and I still don't trust my own brain.
He's getting married to someone I am about 3 or 4 degrees of separation from (depending on your definition).
It's not a full spiral, but there's definitely some things I need to talk to my therapist about. Some emotions that ranged from mild and controlled to shameful.
But generally, I think I'm doing ok. I'm currently eating my feelings at nearly 3am, but I've had worse nights.
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More Posts from Enoughdonegone
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In the early stages of healing I used to trauma dump.
It was fucking WILD the shit that would tumble out of my mouth to people I barely knew. To combat it, I put a vice grip on it. I under shared to try to curb the habit.
It worked. Too well. And it appears to be permanent.
I have no idea how to share about my life now. This was a message I sent to my very best friends:
I haven't followed up.
He's getting married to someone I am about 3 or 4 degrees of separation from (depending on your definition).
It's not a full spiral, but there's definitely some things I need to talk to my therapist about. Some emotions that ranged from mild and controlled to shameful.
But generally, I think I'm doing ok. I'm currently eating my feelings at nearly 3am, but I've had worse nights.
The idea of a 'soulmate' kept me with him.
"I was put here to love him. If not me, then who?"
Turns out, it's someone else's gig (Pixies, protect her), and I get to choose to love my partner, who's awesome, every day.
I love soulmates but also this-
My car just died.
The first thing I did was call my partner. Without hesitation.
Do you know what it feels like to be able to do that?