I Am Ashamed - Tumblr Posts
Nobodys spotify wrapped is as bad as mine
Approximately 24 hours out from discovery and I can talk about it a little. There were two things I felt in particular that I was ashamed of:
Jealousy - this lasted for no more than 5 seconds, but it was still the first one I felt. Can you really hate someone if you're jealous of the person they're with, however fleeting that emotion is?
Doubt in my own experience - it hits so subtly, but like a freight train at the same time. If she likes him and wants to marry him, he can't be that bad, right? Was everything I felt and experienced real? Or was it al in my head? Did I invent it all to justify being a bad person?
It's been seven years, and I still don't trust my own brain.
He's getting married to someone I am about 3 or 4 degrees of separation from (depending on your definition).
It's not a full spiral, but there's definitely some things I need to talk to my therapist about. Some emotions that ranged from mild and controlled to shameful.
But generally, I think I'm doing ok. I'm currently eating my feelings at nearly 3am, but I've had worse nights.
My secret guilty pleasure👇
Watching Tom X Jerry videos on yourube
Anyone else beginning to understand your diy style and techniques? And thus looking back at your very first attempts and wanting to vomit? I ruined perfectly fine pieces of clothing. They spent their days hanging on racks in stores waiting to be loved, were bought for undoubtedly unreasonable prices, loved well and eventually donated to a thrift somewhere... only to be absolutely DEFILED by a chubby baby punk with a pair of scissors and a bag of safety pins. Yes, they were originally boring and basic, but my attempts to spice them were largely failures and one hundred percent lacked any vision or skill.
And yes, everyone starts somewhere! First DIYs were an important part of the process to mature us into our current skill level.
Anyways, I just threw away two shirts.
My heritage is the Vikings. But where the heck are my muscles? Where's my height? Where's my... Shape? All I got was a desire to burn things to the ground! I want a refund.
