IT WAS THAT BAD

IT WAS THAT BAD

When we were working on the basement last summer, he got some concrete work done. So there was  some time where the floor in the basement was all broken up.  He told me if I kept upsetting him he’d bury my body there and cover me up with concrete.  

No one would ever know.

I knew it was abuse when I would silently panic at the sound of his car pulling in the driveway.

_______________

send me the thing or things that made you realize it was abuse

I am not the lies my brain may tell me.

Taking time to affirm and appreciate yourself everyday is so important.

Outside looking in.

A woman at work confided in me that her daughter is in an abusive relationship.  She’s telling me all of the things that I don’t want to hear myself:

 “She knows better,”  

“ I don’t get it, why won’t she listen” 

“Why would she be with someone who called her a cunt?”

She kicked her daughter out of the house in an attempt to make her ‘wake up.’  While I think this was the wrong decision, I can tell that she loves her daughter very much and is just at her wit’s end.

I know that people like me are difficult to love. I also know that loving me takes a toll on the people who do. 

I had no words of comfort or advice to ease her mind.

Her point:  His opinion of me is still in my head and dictating.

Me: I ruined my mother's birthday. I completely lost it on my brother, I'm the worst actually, and caused a scene in a restaurant.

Therapist: What happened?

Me: *explains how a local club does not allow women to be on their board of directors or have a vote regarding how the organization (and a shitload of their own money is spent) is run.*

Therapist: This is a reasonable thing to be angry about. How did this affect your behaviour?

Me: My brother defended the decision stating we lived in a democracy and they could do whatever they wanted. I challenged this - can a business dictate who they serve and don't serve based on skin colour or religion? How about sexual orientation? Gender-identity? Which my sister in law (who I feel particularly betrayed by) dismissed as "semantics" *EYE ROLL*

Therapist: So this got heated.

Me: Yeah. My brother said this was the same thing as businesses that run a women only. I said it wasn't at all, and he dismissed me. I lost it.

Therapist: What did you do?

Me: I yelled "YOU HAVE A FUNDAMENTAL MISUNDERSTANDING OF EVERYTHING!"

Therapist: ... so you called him stupid in a polite way?

Me: ...

Therapist: When he was saying something stupid.

Me: ...

Therapist: And this is you being "the worst"?

Me: ... well, I yelled. In public. On my mom's birthday.

Therapist: ... OK. Maybe not your most shining moment but if this is what you consider "the worst" I feel like you might be shocked by the things that happen when my family gets together...