Stigma - Tumblr Posts
HIVampirism
It's said that stigmatization is the number one barrier to effective HIV treatment and prevention. That's true, and if I were in a position to care passionately about prevention then I suppose it'd be more of a concern to me.
Since I myself am more in the treatment boat, I admit that prevention measures are really just something that I look on as a part of my civic responsibility, not something that I'm deeply concerned with. Today I want to speak to those living with HIV, not to a frightened negative culture desperate to avoid the disease.
If we can acknowledge that 1 in four sexually active persons are going to contract HIV, maybe the time has come to acknowledge, unequivocally, that those people are more than a statistic after the point of infection and that we have a great deal to contribute.
I've dated a number of guys living with HIV who were still new to the experience, and on the one hand my heart goes out because I remember the feeling, but on the other I'm tired of it. I'm tired of meeting people who have it in their heads that life has come to a screeching halt. I'm tired of dating guys who would prefer instead of a picnic or a movie that I take them to a funeral parlor.
The damage to a persons ego- perhaps the core of their identity even- related to HIV diagnosis cannot be overstated.
It's very much akin to dying, or maybe more like un-dying. The HIV patient in the public eye is a lot like the vampire, existing in a status of regard somewhere uncomfortably between the living and the dead.
Some of this is left over fear and remorse from people who lived through the 1980s and early 1990s. The gay community has never really gotten over the mentality of The Plague Years. Many evenings I've listened to horror stories about virile, strong young men struck down and reduced to withered husks of the people they were.
It's not just a fear of death that's being expressed here, these men are recalling tales of the destruction of an identity, the loss of male potency in the most severe fashion. To a community that has struggled to reassert their right to be called proper men for the past 60 years, that's a terrifying fate.
What I'm saying here is that you've got HIV so you might as well come to terms with it. I don't suggest however that you accept the diminishing of your life. You have here a unique opportunity to defy and transcend death.
That's perhaps what makes the HIV patient of today so extraordinary.
This brings us back to the loss of identity. For me, self expression is like air. I need it. I need to be me, at all times, everywhere I go, for the most part without filtering. As far as I'm concerned it's the only sensible way for anyone to live. To hide your status from everyone diminishes your life because a part of how you must live is now hidden from everyone around you. You will be compartmentalized and incomplete for as long as you let this go on.
Why should I, or anyone else living with HIV be ashamed of the fact? It's a weird thing to moralize over, if you mean to go in that direction. For one thing, there is no behavior short of celibacy that ensures protection from HIV. It's a risk that you take whenever you engage a new partner, because when you get down to it you frankly don't know that person as intimately as you might suppose. Finding someone you can trust is precious, but in the end it's a lottery.
I'm sure that there are people who will disagree with me on this point. Months or years long screenings of a person and their life and habits will not reveal to you everything going on up there. That's half the fun anyway, what's the point dating someone who hasn't got any surprises left to share?
Now obviously, you want good surprises but they can't all be good, but that's the difference between people and Father Christmas. Oh wait! Father Christmas brings coal as well! Even fairy godfathers will disappoint from time to time so it's absurd to ask for 100% from your lover.
But that's for another discussion ultimately.
Whether from shame, loss of identity, or sheer remorse and sadness, the freshly minted HIV patient is enduring one of the hardest parts of their lives. For my part, I went straight to do pullups after my diagnosis. From the first moment they told me I was positive I determined with myself that I wasn't going to allow the virus to dictate my life. I had things to do, all that this means in the end is that I need to be more efficient and get things done faster.
It's been more of a partnership really. I take the virus out to Dayton for my visits with the doctors, the virus and I stop at a steak and shake along the way, each time, and have Frisco Sliders. I advertise the virus when I'm internet dating, it determines who I can attract and also does me the favor of screening through the assholes for me- why disclose face to face when I can just include it as a part of the initial screening? Every once in a while you get some loser who tries to make you feel like you're less in emails, but let's be candid here: it's always fat dudes who I'd never touch and they're just upset that being a lard ass is still a bigger cock block than having a terminal sex virus. As it should be.
By the way childe, keep working out. Your ability to get dates will still be 80% looks, the virus is just like a lousy credit score when it comes to keeping guys these days. Some people will not commit to being with someone who they can't land a house with and some people will not commit to being with someone who they can't have worry free bareback with. Facts of life. Neither one will bother even looking if you let yourself go though.
In the end, the HIV patient must decide, on their own power or with help, that they have chosen to be alive. The alternative is to live like a ghost of regret, haunting other people's lives. This is actually one of the reasons I never became heavy into HIV activism. I'm here to live my life, not to rattle my chains and insist that Ebeneezer start wearing condoms.
On the other hand, I have to make the concession that sex with me is inherently risky, undetectable virus load or not. That means good practices and a certain kind of discretion. Sometimes even if I wouldn't mind fooling around with someone I'll ultimately pass on it. Sex with me a good time, but it's not so integral to anyone's life that I'll let them take a risk needlessly. The concession with HIV here is that I've gotten particular about which ones I prefer to sleep with.
Other HIV patients are a good bet for you most likely, but at the same time there's no guarantee of compatibility, and to top it off you may very well be a person living with HIV who has chosen to be alive and they may be people who have chosen to be ghosts. There is no compatibility that is possible there.
I've never understood the bug chaser community. I figure if I read enough Twilight it'd start making sense, but the price of that being reading Twilight, I've decided to allow it to continue being a mystery for the time being.
When I get with someone who's negative, I end out taking an attitude like Gary Oldman's Dracula in the bed scene with Mina. Not to say that I haven't had partners where I end out going more in the Lucy in the Garden approach (usually with older gentlemen who know what they're doing) but the concession is a sense of responsibility. I don't get how there are people who don't feel that responsibility.
The bug chaser, to me, is nothing at all unlike the human asking for vampirism. They have no idea what they're asking for and they're just not qualified to make a rational decision about it. So we have to make it for them and say "no."
Think of it like the Third Tradition in VTM. Siring of progeny is prohibited, but somehow it keeps happening, usually by younger vampires who haven't accepted their responsibilities under the Camarilla yet. Of course, I could just be spouting more Malkavian nonsense. But you have to admit, somewhere in the whimsy there's a spark of truth.
The negotiation in the end is that you choose to live, but not recklessly or at the expense of others- that's the lesson that you ought to look to take away if you've been recently diagnosed. The alternative is that you may choose to die, either literally or in the most horrible figurative sense.
Please don't die figuratively, it's awful. And it will cost you dates with people who would otherwise take an interest. It's a brave new world childe, people are less afraid of the HIV in your blood and more concerned with the consuming sorrow in your heart.
When you beat that sorrow, things inevitably feel better because you've come back to life- to real life, not just clocking in but properly living, having hobbies and creating and inventing and expressing and being vibrant, undefeated, vindicated, quixotic and alive. That's the opportunity that's before you. The chance to laugh at death.
And let me tell you, guys get turned on by that.
Outside looking in.
A woman at work confided in me that her daughter is in an abusive relationship. She’s telling me all of the things that I don’t want to hear myself:
“She knows better,”
“ I don’t get it, why won’t she listen”
“Why would she be with someone who called her a cunt?”
She kicked her daughter out of the house in an attempt to make her ‘wake up.’ While I think this was the wrong decision, I can tell that she loves her daughter very much and is just at her wit’s end.
I know that people like me are difficult to love. I also know that loving me takes a toll on the people who do.
I had no words of comfort or advice to ease her mind.
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author’s note: any and all creations made by user: btsydtrash (also known as haveagreatday on ao3) are works of absolute fiction. nothing mentioned should be related to the boys in real life. respect the privacy of the members and enjoy fiction as fiction. thank you, cuties!
any questions about story lore or headcanons, just shoot me a dm and we can talk about it, if it doesn’t give spoilers for later content. also, any stories marked [complete] will not be edited or added to.
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So....
Today my mother my big sister n her bf were making ableist jokes....
And I called them out for it but got ignored.
Then after a bath confronted my mother about her ableist language and jokes she made.
Of course ableists get defensive when called out.
YOU ARE NOT A ALLY OR SUPPORTER OF SPECIAL NEEDS / DISABLED PEOPLE IF YOU MAKE JOKES ABOUT RUNNING YOUR CHILD OVER IF BORN VISUALLY DISABLED YOU ARE NOT!!!! 🚫👎🏻❌
Today is “7 Years With Stigma”, Taehyung’s first solo song, showcasing his raw talent and most impressive vocal range.
BTS V Stigma - Lyrics
Note: has Taehyung’s relationship with his brother and sister evolves these past years? If yes, how?
I've been hiding it I tell you something Just to leave it buried Now I can't endure it anymore Why couldn't I say it then I have been hurting anyway. Really, I won't be able to endure it
Now cry It's only that I'm very sorry towards you Again, cry Because I couldn't protect you
Deeper, deeper, the wound just gets deeper Like pieces of broken glass that I can't reverse Deeper, it's just the heart that hurts every day You who was punished in my stead You who were only delicate and fragile
Stop crying, tell me something Try saying to me, who had no courage Why did you do that to me then I'm sorry Forget it, what right do I have To tell you to do this, or that
Deeper, deeper, the wound just gets deeper Like pieces of broken glass that I can't reverse Deeper, it's just the heart that hurts every day You who was punished in my stead You who were only delicate and fragile
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, my brother Even if I try to hide it Or conceal it, it can't be erased "Are you calling me a sinner?" What more do I have to say I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry my sister Even if I try to hide it Or conceal it, it can't be erased So, cry, please, dry my eyes, ooh
That light, that light, please illuminate my sins (Oh) Where I can't turn back The red blood is flowing down Deeper, I feel like dying every day Please let me be punished Please forgive me for my sins Please
Mental Health and Family
I told my parents about the suicide case in my school. At first, I thought they are going to be sympathetic to my fallen orgmate but i was wrong.
“Mababa ang EQ.”
“Ang hina ng loob.”
“Ironic. She’s a psych major.” (Though the person is not a psych major. They assumed it.)
“Puro academics lang.”
I told them the story to test the waters. To know what are their thoughts about mental health disorders and suicidal tendency. Hearing those words made me think twice, if I’m going to tell them about my condition.
That, I, their daughter were advised to seek a psychologist because of my anxiety. Will they also tell me that I am too weak? I can see their disappointment if they will read my suicidal notes written in 2015.
Their statements are enough to be more adamant on my stand in breaking the stigma in mental health.
Fuck villains with DID. I want a superhero with DID. Like they finish saving the day and an alter comes out of dormancy and fronts. Everyone's just like "thank you for saving us, [superhero name]" and the alter's just like "What the fuck have you guys been doing?"
Wings, album by BTS
Note: I am a baby Army. I recently discovered BTS Wings album and I think it’s phenomenal. This album is what you call art. Apart from the hyped Blood, Sweat and Tears, I think each member’s solo songs were great too, since they were too personal to them.
1. Begin
“When you cry, I want to cry instead”
How surprising it was when I found out that Jungkook said his only struggle in life was seeing his hyungs’ suffering. It proves two things: 1. Jungkook is selfless and 2. His hyungs’ are caring. I love their bonds so much more now.
2. Lie
“The me from before is still here but the lie that’s gotten too big is trying to swallow me up”
Let me first appreciate this song’s music and Jimin’s angelic voice. It gave me chills down my spine. And when I saw the lyrics I totally fell in love. Jimin’s struggle to express his true self while this whole world expects him to be perfect is something we can all relate to.
3. Stigma
"Are you calling me a sinner?"
Stigma; a mark of disgrace. Probably the most mysterious song of the album, it has some deep meaning which can be interpretated in many ways. I personally think it has something to do with Taehyung hurting his siblings in some ways. Hence producing the song as an apology to them.
4. First Love
“I will get to meet you again no matter in what form, greet me happily then”
This was the first song I heard among these seven. And believe me when I say this, I literally cried. Falling in love with music had saved Suga at the most difficult time of his life. I wish I had something like this to hold on to.
5. Reflection
“I wish I could love myself”
Who doesn’t love themselves? That’s a statement we are all used to. But if we think carefully, it should be the other way around. Once we grow up and see the fault within, we slowly start to hate ourselves, don’t we? Namjoon can really make the most relatable lyrics.
6. Mama
“You are my eternal placebo”
It was so heartwarming to experience something so beautiful, as the relationship between Hoseok and his mother, through this song. No wonder Hoseok has such a motherly aura around him.
7. Awake
“I can't fly like the flower petals over there”
Jin really went through a phase thinking he was walking while the other members flew like flower petals. He was always underrated and people failed to see the talent inside him. I can tell, Jin’s thoughts are far from the truth.
To every gamer who has ever sent death threats, SWATted innocent people, DDOS'd companies they dislike, or hacked anyone's accounts to ruin their reputation--
To every Christian who has asserted that all non-Christians are evil, or gone to extremes to get their point across--
To every white person who has harmed another because of their color, or has encouraged supremacy to harmful levels--
To every male who has abused, raped, or maliciously attacked another human being--
To every extremist under every label in every group--
I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR ATTEMPTS TO TARNISH THE NAMES OF INNOCENT PEOPLE.
Every time you selfish idiots commit these acts of malevolent terrorism, I get associated too, and so do all males, gamers, Christians, or whatever else you call yourself. In fact I'm so tired of this that I'm sick of having these labels, simply because they have such a stigma attached to them. All thanks to you. Perhaps no one is perfect, but you've taken it well beyond the line of simply being a misstep.
I hear of your exploits in the news every single day. I know I'm not alone; thousands of people hear about this stuff and feel the same way I do now. Congratulations, you got your attention - your 15 seconds of fame - and now you've ruined life for the rest of us.
Oh that's right, you don't care, do you? Not as long as you get your little laugh in and feel all self-righteous about everything, like you won something. I hope you get what you deserve, because your tirade has hurt far more people than you realize. Even after you have been called out and served justice, the rumors will spread, and the associations will linger, simply because you only thought of yourself.
I'm tired of labels and stigmas and biases and drama. Simply call me a counterexample.
Watch "BTS (방탄소년단) WINGS Short Film #3 STIGMA" on YouTube I'm so in love with this man's acting and voice
I'm diagnosed aspd/ non npd, autistic, ptsd, c-ptsd with extreme dissociation, dissociative amnesia and dissociative fugue, anxiety disorder, ocd ( chaotic) , mdd, depression inducuced agoraphobia.
I was dx a plethora of other things along the way, but everything else has been taken off the table the last year/ year and a half.
I'm open about everything except my aspd. Few people know about that because of the stigmatization and so many people just clumping it with npd? They are different disorders.
Like most cluster b disorders, they are trauma and environmentally induced. YOU CAN GET TREATMENT FOR THE SYMPTOMS.
- What it's like for me? I'm very emotionally flat. Or I definitely was a lot more before treatment. I didn't understand empathy, compassionate. I had to Google that one. It's very rare that I feel bad or remorseful for anything I do. I don't see the point. I made the choice to do it. It's very hard for me to connect to the emotions of other people. I mostly just do not care, though I've learned that is inappropriate. It's rare that I find interest in friendships, companionship, a partner. I do get bored easily. Becoming I don't understand emotions, I find life to be quite meaningless. Hence the MDD. I do have horrible intrusive thoughts, but again, I'm in treatment. I'm currently going through hormonally treatment to treat the dangerous symptoms that accompany aspd. With all cluster b, it's a reason but it is not an excuse. You have to put in major major work to undo what caused it to begin with.
If you have other questions feel free.
A genuine question for people with ASPD or/and NPD
People with ASPD (antisocial personality disorder) or/and NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), I am genuinely curious about what you believe is the core part of aspd and npd, and how you see the world. How does it feel to have these disorders? How do people treat you? How do you treat people? How can one understand how it must be like for you?
These disorders are VERY stigmatised. Even actual medical journals and sites perpetuate this stigmatisation, and there's this whole thing of "narcissistic abuse" or that all people with antisocial personality disorder are serial killers. I simply refuse to believe this, it's not nuanced enough, and I genuinely seek to understand. And maybe other people may find this thread of posts and also understand.
So people with npd/aspd, add on, explain anything you wish people knew about your disorder.
Coming from a fellow person with a highly stigmatised disorder (schizophrenia) who wishes to understand.
Wow I’m upset
cw/tw: mental illness stigma, slurs, swears
So I was just in the middle of writing something about my depression and instead of using the term “mentally ill”, which I do not feel is an appropriate term for me specifically and my experience, I wanted to do a quick search to see if there were any other phrases/words out there that I felt resonated better with me.
And like the first thing I clicked on was a thesaurus site and I just. I can’t believe my eyes.
The words listed were so incredibly insensitive, ill-informed, gross...
Words like “d*ranged”, “d*mented”, “d*maged”, “ps*cho”, “cr*zed”...
And then I instantly couldn’t help but think about how terrible a contribution to the discussion of mental health that things like this function as...
And right now I feel very triggered and just like started crying and I feel so disgustingly shitty about it.
I was so surprised by my own emotional reaction to it too, because normally I’m not so easily effected but I just don’t know how to process this information, that that’s the kind of language associated with me/people like me, and how horrifying that is. I just thought about how there’s so much stigma around mental health issues and how things like this are exactly why I don’t talk about my own experiences or feelings basically ever except with three specific people.
I’m also feeling angry that a) this is the sort of stuff that gets spread around and people who don’t know any better would just read that and think it’s true, and b) this misinformation which is already toxic towards me has now also made me feel so terrible and insecure about myself that it’s not only affected the larger system at work but now also specifically my life and my night and
I just want to disappear right now.
taetae storie icons 🥴🐯💜
my acne has cleared i am no longer ugly the sun is shining birds are chirping life is beautiful
A genuine question for people with ASPD or/and NPD
People with ASPD (antisocial personality disorder) or/and NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), I am genuinely curious about what you believe is the core part of aspd and npd, and how you see the world. How does it feel to have these disorders? How do people treat you? How do you treat people? How can one understand how it must be like for you?
These disorders are VERY stigmatised. Even actual medical journals and sites perpetuate this stigmatisation, and there's this whole thing of "narcissistic abuse" or that all people with antisocial personality disorder are serial killers. I simply refuse to believe this, it's not nuanced enough, and I genuinely seek to understand. And maybe other people may find this thread of posts and also understand.
So people with npd/aspd, add on, explain anything you wish people knew about your disorder.
Coming from a fellow person with a highly stigmatised disorder (schizophrenia) who wishes to understand.