I Can't Lose You Again (Part One)

I Can't Lose You Again (Part One)

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Requested - Yes - Anon - Loki x reader where the reader is being held prisoner at the TVA because she knows Loki better than anyone else - the rest is up to you. Thank you!!!

“Who was she?” Loki asked as the reel came to an end.

He had just witnessed his entire life play out before him, ending long before it should have and having accomplished nothing he thought he wanted. He recognised nearly everyone shown, his mother, father, the Avengers, Thor…but there was a woman that he had no recollection of, clearly not yet meeting her but important enough to his future self for her to be included.

“She was one of the few people who saw the good in you. One of the very few people who thought you could be more than the villain, who saw the potential in you.” Mobius said, causing him to screw his eyes shut and shake his head.

“As if there could ever be such a person.” Loki scoffed. He knew what he was, the film reel only highlighted that.

“Her name is Y/N. Thor brought her to Asgard during your time spent there as prisoner. She wandered down to your cell despite being told never to go by Odin. She was there for the battle, saw all the destruction and chaos but still she asked you for your side of the story.” Mobius said, pausing as Loki interrupted him.

“Why on Earth would she ask for my side of the story?” Loki asked bitterly, his eyes still wet with tears.

“That’s exactly what you asked her.” Mobius smiled, “You dismissed her, told her to leave but she didn’t listen. She stayed and sat with you in silence and continued to do so as the days went on, sometimes she brought books and read to you. Eventually you caved and told her your side of it. Somehow she decided that you weren’t all bad.”

“Then she is a fool.” Loki snarled, finally turning to face mobius.

“A fool,” Mobius chuckled fondly, “I don’t think so, I think once upon a time she was the villain and she was given a second chance. I think that made her kinder. Besides, she’s a fool you love more than anything, she’s a fool you lived for, a fool you would’ve died for without hesitation.”

Loki stayed silent for a few moments, processing the information. It seemed utterly impossible for anybody to love him, the thought of it was ridiculous. How could someone see good in him, he was the villain…he was always destined to be the villain.

“What happened to her?” Loki asked eventually.

“After Thanos was defeated and the Avengers brought everybody back, she hoped you’d be brought back too. When you weren’t, she was lost, broken. She had lost the one person who truly believed in her and she couldn’t deal with it. She used the time machine and went back to the moment before Thanos attacked you, she tried to warn you, she tried to change the future but that future couldn’t be changed.”

“What happened to her?” Loki asked again, this time more harshly, a dangerous edge to his tone.

“The TVA stepped in; she was to be pruned but then the decision was changed. We’ve been looking into you for a very long time, needing information and trust me when I say nobody knows a Loki better than Y/F/N Y/L/N.” Mobius said with a smile that Loki didn’t understand.

“She’s here?” He asked instead.

“She’s here.” Mobius confirmed.

“You dare to hold her here, for what? Because she knows me? Let her go.” Loki ordered, stepping close to Mobius who just chuckled in response.

“If it makes you feel better, she hasn’t given up any information about you. Refuses to speak to any of us, so they put her in a time cell hoping that’ll convince her to talk but I don’t think it’ll do any good. Even when she knows you’re dead, she’s still protecting you, consequences be damned.”

Loki thought she sounded foolish, to you he was dead, why wouldn’t you bargain for your own life? Give them information and make them let you go. A small part of him was pleased though, loyalty like that was almost impossible to come by.

That small part of him wanted to know you but he knew that was impossible.

Loki sighed, too quiet for Mobius to hear, before taking a seat on the step.

“I can’t go back, can I?” He asked, knowing the answer. He was never going to get to experience the things he’d seen. “Back to my timeline.”

Mobius looked at him, he really did sympathise with the God, watching how you had held up against the interrogations for him, well he must have been worth it.

In a moment of weakness, Loki confessed everything that only he knew…well things he hadn’t told you yet at least. He admitted that he didn’t enjoy hurting people, didn’t enjoy being the villain, admitted how weak he felt so conjured fear to feel powerful, he explained everything to Mobius, he explained the illusions, how he wanted to control.

“You do know yourself.” Mobius said, pleasure in his voice.

“A villain.” Loki admitted in defeat.

“That’s not how I see it.” Mobius said, watching as Loki looked down, not giving away what he felt about that statement. “That’s not how she saw it either.”

“I can’t offer you salvation,” Mobius told him, “but maybe I can offer you something better. Like I said we’re holding Y/N here because she knows Loki’s better than anybody.”

“What do you mean ‘Loki’s?” He asked, it hadn’t occurred to him that the plural had been used earlier either.

“A fugitive Variant’s been killing our Minutemen.“ Mobius told him, causing Loki to raise his eyebrows.

"And you need the God of Mischief to help you stop him?” He asked as he stepped closer to Mobius

“That’s right.” He nodded.

“Why me?”

“Because” Mobius began, “the Variant we’re hunting is you.” Loki’s eyebrows raised in confusion at this.

“I beg your pardon?” Loki said, they were hunting him?

-

Loki agreed to help and was quickly tasked with watching educational videos about the TVA, their policies and protocols but his mind kept wandering back to you. You were here somewhere, risking your life by withholding information. He admired you more than he wanted to admit and knew he had to meet you.

“Hey.” Mobius greeted as he walked up to his desk to see Loki sat with his feet up.

Before he could say anything else Loki spoke:

“I went to see her.”

It wasn’t a surprising statement to Mobius, in fact he’d been waiting for Loki to ask since he first heard about you. After the first outing with Loki to track the Variant down, he admitted he was growing fond of the God, so despite restrictions he nodded.

“I thought you might want to. Leave it to me, I’ll sort something out.”

-

You sat on the floor, eyes dry as you’d long ran out of tears.

It isn’t real.

You kept repeating the statement to yourself, not wanting to forget. It was so easy to forget that this wasn’t real. If you let yourself you could pretend Loki was alive, you could give in and lose yourself forever in this fake world they had conjured up for you.

Somehow you resisted, though as the days dragged on it was getting harder.

Every few minutes the scene would reset itself when you didn’t play your part.

Loki would stroll in through the door, calling out for you.

You remembered the moment they were playing for you, you were supposed to meet him at the door and he would bring you in for a soft kiss. He had had a long day at the Grandmaster’s side, playing his part so the two of you could escape.

It had been weeks since you had first arrived, breathing a sigh of relief when Loki stood in front of you. You were welcomed immediately once the Grandmaster found out you knew Loki and since then he had been working his way up in the man’s good graces.

After the two of you pulled away from each other you were supposed to go over to the sofa where Loki would wrap you up in his arms, tucking you in so your head rested under his chin. He’d place soft kisses on your forehead and let his fingers dance along your skin.

It was a moment of peace for the pair of you.

Then the scene diverged from how it should of continued, instead Loki told you how you were merely a pawn in his game, you had run your course and he no longer needed you, he told you how glad he was to be rid of you, how you were a villain just like him, he told you to stop playing the hero, reminded you of all the people you’d hurt, all the lives you ruined until you couldn’t take it anymore.

Right now, Loki was berating you, you wanted to cry, you wanted to scream and punch the walls and beg him to stop. You had done all of that in the early days and it made no difference, the scene always played on no matter how much you begged.

They said if you told them about Loki they’d let you go but you refused to talk. He might be dead but according to them there were other Loki’s out there and whilst none would ever come close to your Loki, you wouldn’t betray any of them.

You didn’t know how much time had passed, it could’ve been mere minutes or years, but the orange light appeared in the shape of a doorway and a man was stepping through.

Mobius.

You liked him. He was always nice to you even though you knew it frustrated him when you wouldn’t give any information up, he never hurt you like the others.

“Hello Y/N.” He said, his voice soft and smile friendly.

“Mobius.” You greeted, voice empty of emotion.

Mobius hated seeing you like this, he really did. He remembered you when they first brought in, so full of fight and spirit. Seeing you this broke didn’t sit right with him.

“C’mon.” He said, holding out a hand for you to grab, frowning when you flinched.

After an awkward pause you did take the offered hand and let Mobius take you through the doorway.

“No.” You said as you stepped out, turning to go back through the door but it was already closed.

“Y/N,” Mobius began, his voice changing to resemble that of how someone would talk to a frightened animal.

“No, not here, only in there,” you said, gesturing to the empty space where the door was only moments before. “He’s never here.”

“Y/N, this is Loki.” Mobius tried again but before he got the chance to give you an explanation, you exploded.

“My Loki is dead, Mobius!” You yelled pushing Mobius away, the fight you had thought long gone coming back stronger than ever, you felt the anger build inside of you, it felt like it was going to burn you alive. You hadn’t cried in a long time but the tears came pouring down rapidly now. “He’s dead, I watched him die! So don’t stand there and tell me he’s my Loki. Whatever kind of torture this is, it won’t work. You hear me, I hope the Loki your tracking finds you first, I hope he burns this place to the ground.” Despite the anger and the yelling, Mobius couldn’t help but smile as you echoed some of Loki’s first words to him.

“Y/N, is it?” Loki said, taking a hesitant step towards you.

You turned away from him, refusing to play whatever game Mobius had set up.

“I’m afraid I don’t quite know what to say, it feels like you know everything about me and I so little about you.” Loki confessed, he really was at a loss but seeing you so sad, so broken, so tortured…it pained him.

“You’re not my Loki.” You whispered harshly, though it sounded like you were trying to convince yourself rather than him.

“No, I’m afraid I’m not, for I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting you yet. Though I do envy my future self for having got so much time with you but perhaps it was better that way, I don’t think you would have liked this version of me as much.” Loki was shocked to find he believed the words wholeheartedly.

“You’re not my Loki.” Was your only reply.

“I know.” Loki repeated. “I am from your timeline though. I’m the Loki that just lost to the Avengers in New York.” Here he watched as you looked to Mobius, who gave you a sincere smile whilst nodding.

Then you turned to look at him.

“2012 Loki?” You asked, wiping at your eyes.

“Yes. I was captured and Thor was ready to take me to Asgard when the tesseract was released and I made my escape.” He watched as you played the information over in your head, matching it up with events you remembered.

“That’s when the TVA got you?” You asked, hesitant to believe it but Mobius was the only one who hadn’t lied to you yet.

“That’s when the TVA got me.” Loki confirmed, shooting you a small smile. “I heard they got you because you tried to save me.”

“Tried being the key word,” you scoffed, “I was so close, but they whisked me away and reset the timeline. I’ve been here ever since.”

“Staying loyal to a dead man?” Loki asked, causing you to smile.

“My Loki might be dead but there are other Loki’s out there, I refuse to betray any of them, especially one causing the TVA so much trouble.” You said, missing the way Mobius grinned.

“Your Loki must have meant an awful lot to you to inspire so much loyalty.”

“My Loki meant everything to me.” Was your reply.

There was a pause in the room and Mobius was quick to gesture to the chairs around the table. You hesitated for a moment which Loki noticed and he moved to pull a chair out for you. You couldn’t help but smile at him, the gesture was something you had become so used to, God you missed him.

“So, this Variant?” Loki asked, looking away from you to Mobius.

The three of you spent the next few hours going over the information the TVA had on the Variant and if Loki moved closer to you…well who could possibly blame him?

-

“Oh, my goodness. Don’t tell me the Variant ambushed and killed another team of Minutemen?” Here Loki paused to let out an exaggerated gasp causing you to laugh silently into the palm of your hand. “And stole their reset charge as well.” You couldn’t help but let out a snort of laughter causing Loki to grin widely before the two of you were shushed.

You both froze as you locked eyes with Loki, you raised your eyebrow at him causing him to smirk. Slowly he turned around to see the librarian and shushed her back.

You couldn’t have wiped the smile off of your face if you tried.

-

“Wait, I’ve got it!” Loki exclaimed after a long silence were the two of you continued reading the files Mobius had left.

“What?” You asked, looking up at him.

You watched as Loki scooped the folders up before reaching a hand out to you, you didn’t hesitate as you took it and let him pull you along.

“Where are we going?” You laughed.

“To show Mobius.” He told you, looking back to smile at you before hurrying over to Mobius who was sitting with a lunch tray.

“I found something.” Loki said, placing the files on the table and taking a seat, dragging you into the seat next to him, so close your knees brushed together.

Mobius ignored his words as he replied, “No, I said don’t bother me until you’ve read all the files.”

“We have read them all.” You and Loki said together, pausing to look at each other with small smiles and turning back to Mobius who watched the two of you with a raised eyebrow.

It wasn’t long before you were hiding a smile as Loki demonstrated how his theory worked using Mobius’ salad as Asgard and another worker’s drink and some salt. One of the many things you loved about Loki was how expressive he was when he was explaining something, especially when it was something he was passionate about. The hand gestures, the demonstrations, even just how elegantly he spoke…you loved watching him talk like this. There was an ache in your chest at seeing this again, but you managed to push it aside.

“There’s the apocalypse.” Loki said with a proud smile.

“That’s the apocalypse?” Mobius asked looking down at his, now ruined, lunch.

“If everything around you is destined to lead up to that one moment then whatever you do won’t have an impact,” You said looking from the salad to Loki who was nodding at you with a pleased expression, “right?”

“Exactly!” He exclaimed. “So, the Variant hides out in these apocalypses,”

“And nobody would ever know because whatever that Loki is doing can’t affect anything, whatever they do doesn’t stop the apocalypse.” You finished and Loki looked so pleased as he turned to face you.

“Not bad.” Mobius said, causing you and Loki to quickly look away from each other, making Mobius chuckle.

-

As Loki and Mobius tested the apocalypse theory out, you were forced to stay behind. Whilst you were allowed to help out with the research work, Renslayer had denied you access to leave the TVA.

You were sort of glad for the opportunity to be alone. Seeing Loki again was hard, he was so much like your Loki which made sense because technically he was your Loki just an earlier version of him. His mannerisms were so similar that sometimes you had to pause to catch your breath as the ache in your chest grew.

Sometimes Mobius sent Loki on a task when he saw you were getting overwhelmed and in the few minutes of Loki’s absence, Mobius would sit with you and talk just above a whisper, sometimes he praised you, sometimes he told you stories, whatever he did always grounded you and you were so thankful to the man.

Some days it was almost like the time cell they had you in were you just wanted to pretend that he was the Loki you knew, pretend that he knew you too. You wanted him to wrap his arms around you and just let the world fall away. It would’ve been so easy to do it but you pushed through it and carried on with the helping find the other Loki.

-

“So, tell me where you’re going again.” You asked Loki as Mobius spoke with somebody.

“Earth, more precisely Haven Hills, Alabama, 2050. It’s a corporate town owned by Roxxcart until it’s wiped out by a hurricane.” Loki told you.

“And that’s where you think Loki’s hiding?” Loki looked at you watching as you nervously bit your lip. He frowned seeing how worried you were.

“Hey,” Loki said, placing his hand under your chin and guiding you to look up at him. He let his palm rest against your cheek. “What’s wrong?”

You sighed as you let your eyes fall closed. You didn’t know what was wrong, you just knew something didn’t feel right.

“What if something goes wrong?” You asked instead of answering.

“It’s going to be fine.” Loki assured you with a small smile but you just shook your head before moving away from him to pace.

“You don’t know that Loki, you don’t know it’ll be fine!” You exclaimed, causing Loki’s eyes to widen in concern.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Loki whispered as he reached for you, pulling you close so that your head rested on his chest. He felt you tense up for a moment before relaxing into him and he let his hand rub comfortingly up and down your back. “Tell me what’s wrong, darling.”

That seemed to be the final straw for you and before Loki knew it you were sobbing into his chest, gripping him tightly like he’d disappear if you let go.

“It’s ok, you’re ok.” Loki continued to whisper soothing words into your hair as he held you.

Mobius turned to call Loki over, the task force ready to leave but when he saw the two of you huddled together he gestured for everyone to move away to give the two of you some privacy.

“Tell me what’s wrong, love, so I can fix it.” Loki said after you began to calm down. He pulled you away from him, frowning as you whimpered but relaxed as he just wiped your tears away, keeping you close the entire time.

“The last time I…” You trailed off, taking a shaky breath, “The last time I lost you, you told me everything would be fine. You were lying of course; you knew you were lying but I didn’t. I didn’t know just how bad it would be and now you’re going to face another Loki, one who has been avoiding and killing minutemen for longer than I’ve been alive. I can’t lose you again, I can’t lose you.” You rushed out, your voice breaking at the end as another round of tears fell from your eyes.

Loki paused for a moment and just watched you, feeling his heart clench in sympathy. He hated his future self for dying, for leaving you alone but he also knew how much he loved Thor, he’d rather the both of you live without him than him having to live without either of you. Maybe that made him selfish but he could see why his future self had made the sacrifice.

“I’m sorry, darling,” He said as he pulled you back into his arms, “I’m so sorry that you were left alone, believe me if I could change it I would no matter what I had to do but if it comes down to you or me, I’m always going to choose you. I know that after only knowing you for a short amount of time so the Loki you spent years with….well I can see why he wouldn’t hesitate. You can come with us, I’ll convince Mobius, if it’ll make you feel better, but everything really is going to be ok.” Loki promised as he placed a kiss on the top of your head.

As he turned his head, he saw Mobius who gestured that they needed to go. Silently, he pointed to you and then to Mobius, pleading with the man to let you go. He watched as Mobius frowned before looking down the hallway and back to the two of you before reluctantly nodding and mouthing “quickly.”

“Let’s go.” Loki said as he linked your hands together and led you to the task force.

Mobius smiled at you softly and you mouthed a thank you towards him before you were all being ushered through the doorway.

-

The rain was…well it was apocalyptic. You watched as Loki looked up at the sky as it thundered dangerously with a small smile, your Loki did that too, just looked up at the sky and thought of Thor when the weather was stormy.

Once the task force was inside Loki used his magic to dry the two of you off causing you to jump slightly, it had been so long since you’d been around magic.

“Thank you.” You said and Loki just smiled down at you.

“The hell was that?” One of the agents asked, causing Loki to grin cheekily.

“That was me using magic to dry our clothes so we don’t announce ourselves with every squeaky footstep like the rest of you.” You couldn’t help but snort, causing Hunter B-15 to glare at you.

“Take both teams and sweep the storm shelter.” She said to the rest of the task force and everyone was quick to move.

“Loki and I are gonna check out the Green House. We’ll meet…” Mobius began but was quickly cut off by Hunter B-15.

“No.”

“No?” He asked in confusion

“You go with D-90 and take Y/L/N with you. He stays with me.” She said, causing Loki to glance first at Mobius then you, you watched him with a concerned look but eventually nodded.

Mobius and Hunter B-15 bickered back and forth before Loki cut in.

“Mobius, it’s fine. It’s fine. You can trust me. I understand I have to earn that, so, I will.” He said, again looking from Mobius to you. You smiled at him, causing him to smile back.

“Why is it the people you can’t trust are always saying, “Trust me”?” Mobius muttered to you before turning to Hunter B-15, “Okay, try to hang on to your Time Collar this time. We’ll see you in the showroom.”

And with that everyone went their separate ways.

-

“You can trust him, you know.” You told Mobius once you were far away enough from the others.

“No, you can trust him.” Mobius said with a fond smile. “Me however, well we’ll see.”

The two of you walked behind the group following as they led you into a room full of people seeking refuge.

“Check the bag for reset chargers.” One of the hunters said and everyone was quick to set to work as the people around you panicked.

“Hey! These people are scared.” Mobius snapped at one of the hunters who was being particularly vicious towards the people, looking at him now you recognised him as one of your harsher interrogators.

“They’re about to die. They should be scared.” He snapped back causing your eyes to widen in horror at the harshness.

“Not of us.” Mobius said calmly.

“Please we’ve got women and children.” A man said as he gently grabbed your arm and pleaded with you. You looked at him with tears in your eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” You whispered before Mobius led you away. “You’re really going to let these people die?”

“Our job isn’t to save them.” Mobius said sadly, sympathising with you. The first few missions are always the hardest.

“No,” You scoffed as you moved away from him, “your job is to make sure they die.” You hissed before stalking out of the room.

Tears made their way down your face as you left the room but you angrily brushed them away as you tried to find Loki. You had always thought something seemed off with the TVA but seeing their work up close made you nauseous.

A thud snapped you out of your thoughts and you peeked around a corner just in time to see Hunter B-15 hit the floor. You spared her little thought; Mobius would find her and instead you followed Loki.

You saw Loki standing alone but talking to somebody.

“I see, that’s your plan, lure us all here so you can blow the place up.”

You watched as a giant of a man came from nowhere and kicked Loki in the chest sending him flying backwards. The man, a Loki perhaps?, just thanked him for helping stall for time before hitting him again sending him further back. Loki used his magic but still the man showed no signs of slowing down.

“Stop hiding.” Loki commanded, causing you to raise an eyebrow. More than likely the Loki variant then, hiding in the bodies of refugees.

A sick feeling suddenly came over you as you watched the Loki variant choke Loki, images of Thanos and Loki invaded your mind and it took everything for you to stay quiet.

You breathed a sigh of relief as he let Loki go though it was short lived as Loki went flying again, smashing into one of the stands.

The Loki variant’s eyes turned green before the man hit the floor with a laugh, suddenly there was a hooded figure with glowing green hands standing behind him. As Loki’s voice bounced around the room, the Loki variant pulled his hood down.

There stood a woman. Loki in her true form.

“This isn’t about you.” She snarled.

“Right.” Loki said, sounding dubious before the power shut down. The last thing you saw was a smirk on the Loki variant’s face.

The lighting turned red as the Loki variant picked up a tempad, you watched as the familiar orange doorway appeared and that bad feeling you had about Loki coming here grew painfully.

This wasn’t going to end well for anybody.

She waved at Loki before stepping through the doorway and moments later Mobius, Hunter B-15 and another Hunter where running down the hallway shouting for Loki to stop.

“Loki, wait!” Mobius pleaded and Loki actually looked torn before shaking his head and walking towards the door.

“Loki!” You yelled, finally stepping out from behind one of the isles.

Here Loki paused before turning to you, his eyes were wide as he looked at you and, in that moment, you knew what would happen.

“Please.” You whispered and he looked crushed.

Mobius was near him now, nearly within distance to grab him, to push him away from that damned doorway but he was too late.

‘I’m sorry darling.’ Loki mouthed before he ran through the doorway.

The orange faded to nothing just as Mobius reached it and you could do nothing but stare at the doorway with an aching heart.

Read part two here!

The Best Day

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MGG Taglist -

Prompt - ‘I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.’

Requested - @pumpkinfriend

Notes - This is my first time writing MGG so I apologise if it's OOC.

—————————————————–

Despite having never met your name and Matthew Gray Gubler’s name often went hand in hand together. It started when you said in an interview how much you admired the man and how big a fan you were of his latest work. That in turn led to Matthew being asked about you and him admitting he too was a fan of yours - that was the extent of the two of you mentioning each other in interviews though interviewers and fans alike did try their hardest to get you talking about one another.

The two of you, however, did give both your fanbases something - when you first started following each other on Instagram people found out pretty quickly, you still weren’t sure how they realised so fast. From there, there wasn’t much for a while but once Matthew liked the newest picture you had uploaded, social media went into a frenzy speculating what this meant - were you dating, how long had you been dating? You admittedly found it hilarious, one little like on a normal instagram post and two fan bases had gone crazy.

After that Matthew, himself, uploaded a post, again a normal post for him, just one of his drawings with a halloween theme to mark the beginning of October, and you liked it and left a comment - ‘now that is a ghost👻.’ And again, who knew one little thing could cause such an outburst?  Matthew too, thankfully, thought his comment section was quite funny, the number of people convinced that your simple comment could mean a hundred and one other things.

From there on it had become a sort of unspoken joke as to who could cause the bigger frenzy. Without fail people took notice of every comment you two made but so far Matthew seemed to be winning with ‘Maybe we should get August onto Criminal Minds, I can see her and Spencer getting along very well;).’ He had commented on a picture of you dressed in the character of August who was your character on the show you were currently working on and that comment had caused the biggest commotion so far, speculations of crossovers and love interest began to fill people's feeds and timelines.

Though there had been a considerable amount of comments shared back and forth via the instagram comment section, neither of you had actually messaged the other privately yet. You had considered it a few times but you barely had two minutes to yourself with your current filming schedule being pushed forward.

Months passed and at some point the comments turned from friendly to flirty. You couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment things have turned but you did know that whenever you saw Matthew’s name pop up on your phone an involuntary smile made its way onto your face. You knew it was foolish, how could you possibly have feelings for this man considering you’d never actually met him? But you also couldn’t deny the butterflies you felt.

Matthew was feeling the same way, every notification that altered him to a new post or comment from you had him feeling more giddy than he would ever admit. He still declined to mention you in his interviews, skillfully skirting around the questions whilst trying not to let too much show on his face about his growing feelings for you.

Matthew was thankful to have some time off from filming and spent his first day of just relaxing. Thoughts of you continued to cross his mind and he picked his phone up multiple times before throwing it down in frustration. He really wanted to meet you, wanted to get to know you and see where things went. The months of back and forth weren’t enough for him anymore. He knew the two of you were in the same state, not too far from each other either as he recognised the backgrounds of quite a few of your posts.

With a sigh he sat down and grabbed his phone before opening a direct message with you. For a while he just stared at the blank page, pondering over how to start. He didn’t want to be too direct but he also wanted to get his intentions across as early as possible to give you time to decide whether he was what you wanted.

‘Hi, I’ve really enjoyed talking with you these last few months and wanted the chance to talk to you without thousands of other people reading our every word.’ He wrote and rewrote this one sentence four hundred times before deciding that sounded good enough. ‘I’d love to get to know you better, maybe we could hang out together soon?’ Was that too forward? Should he even mention meeting up with you so soon? Why was this so complicated?

Before he could overthink the message anymore he clicked send and tried to ignore the feeling of dread. He found himself constantly checking his phone, every time the screen lit up he himself lit up only to deflate when he didn’t see your name. I need to do something, he said as he stood up and moved over to the desk ready to lose himself in his art.

-

You sighed as you finished up your last day of filming, you loved what you did but you were thankful for the two or so months you had off. Filming a movie and then the series back to back had exhausted you. You grabbed your bag, not bothering to check your phone, before leaving the set and heading home.

Filming for your show was great though as you got to film it in your state meaning you didn’t need to worry about housing as you could stay in the comfort of your own home. You had greatly missed being home, spending over three months in Canada filming the movie.

Letting out a long exhale, you collapsed into bed after changing out of your clothes and shut your eyes for a minute before pulling your bag close and taking out your phone. You scrolled through the many notifications before pausing at one that caused a smile to spread across your face.

It was a dm from @gublergram.

With slight feelings of nervousness you clicked the notification before outright grinning at the message he had sent.

Taking a breath, you started typing out your reply.

‘Hey Matthew! I’ve really enjoyed talking to you too. Honestly I’m relieved you messaged me, as much fun as causing the internet to break down has been I did want to talk to you more privately. You caught me at the perfect time actually, I’ve just finished filming and have two months free, if you’re around we should definitely hang!’

That seemed casual enough, you thought as you sent the message and dragged yourself up to get ready for bed. By the time you’d finished your night time routine and were tucked up in bed there was a message waiting for you from Matthew.

‘Didn’t you just shoot a movie too? You must be excited for a break, I know I am and I’ve only shot one series! Who knew a few comments here and there could cause so much speculation? Perhaps, if you’re up for it, we could maybe meet up in a few weeks?’

A few weeks was both very soon and yet somehow still so far away. Nerves started creeping in but you tried to brush them aside. Matthew didn’t mean anything by it, surely? Yeah, you’d traded flirty comments here and there but there was no way Matthew could be interested in you…right?

‘Beyond excited! No spoilers, I’m still catching up 😂 For real, did you see the theory about us getting married in Vegas because we were both there around the same time a year ago? These fans are crazy but I think it’s hilarious. I’m totally up for meeting up, I know October’s your month so I’ll leave the plans to you.’

It was like the tiredness that you felt earlier had just disappeared, you and Matthew stayed up til well after midnight talking back and forth. He assured you he had something in mind for when you guys met but he refused to tell you what it was. You found yourself eagerly awaiting the day you’d meet.

-

Everything about this man was intriguing to you, the way he was so unapologetically himself was something you greatly admired about him. It was easy to start falling for him, how could a person not? As you got to know him more over the course of the next few weeks you found yourself liking him more and more. The way he always brought a smile to your face, the way the conversation flowed like you’d known each other forever. Everything was amazing and to think you hadn’t even met each other yet.

You continued to send messages to each other, getting to know more about his life and him yours. You were thankful you didn’t have work for the foreseeable future as the two of you often stayed up late talking to one another. The conversations covered many different topics, sometimes you sent him screenshots of new theories flying about regarding the two of you, he sent you pictures of his drawings, talking to him came naturally.

Eventually the day arrived in late October. Matthew had assured you that dressing casually was just fine and you found yourself applying some makeup with nervous bubbling below the surface. They were good nerves though, it wasn’t like you didn’t want this but more the fact you couldn’t really believe it was happening. You’d been talking via comments for months and only a few weeks privately but it felt like so much longer.

Just as you slipped your shoes on you heard a knock on your door and knew it was Matthew. Two or so days ago he had texted you asking whether you’d be comfortable with him picking you up or if you’d rather meet him at the location, you hadn’t needed long to ponder over the answer and texted him back telling him you’d like him to pick you up if he didn’t mind.

You took a deep breath before standing up and making your way over to the door. When you opened it you couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face as the nerves you were feeling faded to make way for excitement.

He was even more stunning in person, standing there with his own smile plastered on his face, cheeks flushed, from the cold or from seeing you, and eyes bright, holding a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

The two of you stood there for a moment, just taking the other in before he cleared his throat and spoke.

“Hi, you look,” here he paused to clear his throat again, “You look beautiful.” He told you, causing you to blush slightly. “These are for you.” He said, holding the flowers out towards you.

“They’re beautiful, thank you.” You pushed the door open wider and invited him inside whilst you put the flowers in a vase and grabbed your jacket.

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going yet?” You asked as the two of you left your house and walked towards his car. Matthew just grinned at you whilst shaking his head causing you to let out a laugh.

“Here, let me.” He said as he quickly moved around you so he could open the car door for you.

“Thank you.” You smiled.

It wasn’t long before the two of you were chatting away to each other, the initial nerves seemed to leave the both of you and it definitely didn’t feel like the first time you were in each other's company. You were able to pick up where you left off with your instagram message, slipping into easy conversation whilst you occasionally tried to get him to tell you where you were going to which he just laughed and said you’d find out soon enough.

Before long Matthew was indicating into a car park causing you to look around for any clue as to where you were. Your eyes widened and a grin spread across your face as you saw the sign that told you that you were at a pumpkin picking patch. You turned to face Matthew, unable to contain the joy written across your face which caused the man to let out a relieved sigh at his plan.

The two of you made your way in, your eyes trying to take everything in. Naturally there were pumpkins everywhere but in the distance you saw some children playing with animals at the petting zoo section, and not too far from them seemed to be horse drawn carriages, the carriages filled with hay bales.

You laughed as Matthew made a comment about an oddly shaped pumpkin. Matthew was everything you’d thought he would be and so much more, walking alongside him, you couldn’t help but smile as he rambled on, hands gesturing around unconsciously, he was so animated when he spoke.

“Oo, look at this one!” You exclaimed, making your way over to an impressively large pumpkin. Matthew grinned as he watched you struggle to pick up the pumpkin, you tried a few times before pouting over at him causing him to laugh.

“Maybe we should get a wheelbarrow.” You were quick to agree and pretty quickly the two of you found an abandoned wheelbarrow.

“Your carriage awaits, milady.” Matthew said whilst gesturing to the wheelbarrow, you raised your eyebrow at him but grinned as you sat down in it. Matthew couldn’t help but pause, you looked so beautiful, face flushed with the autumn air, grinning up at him.

God, one date and he was so gone for you.

He smiled back at you as he pulled his phone out causing you to laugh and pose.

Matthew was still laughing as he began pushing you over to where the pumpkin was and the two of you managed to heave it into the wheelbarrow. From there the two of you strolled around, Matthew pushing the wheelbarrow and you sneaking glances at him.

“I’ve never been to a pumpkin patch.” You admitted to him, watching in amusement as he gave you an incredulous look.

“How have you never been to a pumpkin patch?” He asked with over exaggerated shock, causing you to giggle.

“I don’t know, I mean I always wanted to but it wasn’t something we did as a kid and then as an adult I’m usually working so I never had the chance.”

“Well, I’m honoured to be the first person to bring you here.” He smiled softly and you couldn’t help but think how you wanted to spend many more falls with him.

Matthew turned the wheelbarrow towards a group of kids who were playing ring toss with the top of pumpkins.

“Care for a game?” He grinned as he left the wheelbarrow and stepped forward to pick up a couple of rings, waving them in your direction. You couldn’t help but grin as you took them from him.

“You’re on, Gubler.” The two of you were definitely the oldest people playing the game but neither of you cared to notice, so absorbed in your own little world that everyone else just ceased to exist.

Thankfully Matthew was just as terrible at the game as you were so there was no time for embarrassment at your tragic aiming skills, just room for laughter. You watched as Mathew let out a defeated groan as his ring completely missed the pumpkin again despite the fact he swore this was the one.

“I don’t think either of us are winning any prizes anytime soon.” You grinned as the pair of you walked away.

“I thought I was better.” He pouted, causing you to giggle.

The two of you had a nice collection of pumpkins, mostly the oddly shaped and huge ones with a few mini ones here and there,  and Matthew suggested putting them in the car before grabbing some food from one of the many stalls. You agreed and soon the two of you were sitting at a picnic table with food and hot drinks in front of you.

“Thank you for bringing me here.” You said during a moment of comfortable silence that formed after you’d both finished eating.

“I’m glad you let me.” Matthew replied, a soft smile gracing his face. There was a slight pause, Matthew opening and closing his mouth, before he spoke up again. “Is this a date?” He asked, he wanted it to be a date so much and he was picking up the same intention from you but the last thing he wanted to do was make you uncomfortable.

You smiled down at the table before looking back up at him, “Yeah, yeah it is.”

Matthew tried but he couldn’t stop a grin from forming and you easily mirrored the expression.

The two of you stood, clearing the table, before heading off towards the other end of the field to where the horses were. You hesitated for a moment before linking your arm with Matthew’s, waiting for him to show if this was ok and when he smiled down at your linked arms and tightened his grip slightly you grinned to yourself.

The two of you talked amongst yourselves, still happily oblivious to the rest of the world, and when you arrived at the horse-drawn hayrides, Matthew offered his hand to you, helping you up before taking a seat next to you.

“Please tell me you’ve at least been on a hay bale ride?” Matthew said as he turned to face you, watching as you smiled sheepishly before shaking your head. “I have so much to show you!” He exclaimed, causing you to playfully roll your eyes.

Part way through the ride you shivered slightly, pulling your coat tighter around yourself. Matthew watched the movement and paused for a second before he wrapped his arm around you, just leaving it to rest there and letting you decide if you wanted to lean into him or not.

You bite your lower lip in order to hold back a smile and let yourself relax into Matthew, missing the smile on his face as you did. The rest of the ride was spent in a comfortable silence, the two of you content to just be with each other.

-

On the car ride home, Matthew held your hand in his, absentmindedly brushing his thumb against it every so often. You couldn’t help smiling softly down at your joined hands, never had you felt so comfortable with a man, especially one you had only met today and yet here you were feeling like you’d known Matthew Gray Gubler forever.

Matthew was thinking pretty much the same thing, he knew that dating was serious to him. He couldn’t casually date, dating had always been a big deal to him and you were…you were wonderfully rare. The woman he had dated in the past had been so uniquely amazing that he was intrigued but you, you were captivating, from that first conversation that led to the two of you sitting here, hands entwined together after spending hours in each other’s company…he had known straight away you were special but after actually being with you that fact was solidified. He wanted more Octobers with you, he wanted to take you to all his favourite places and he wanted to visit all the places you held near to your heart.

As Matthew pulled into the driveway of your house, the two of you climbed out of the car and each hauled a few pumpkins up to your front door which you managed to open whilst balancing several pumpkins.

You both placed them down and Matthew turned to face you, standing in your doorway.

“I had a really great time today.” Matthew told you, sincerity shining in his eyes.

“So did I.” You replied, you really had had the best day with him and could only hope for many more to come.

“Can I take you out again soon?” He asked you, smiling as you nodded.

“I’d really like that.” The two of you, much like this morning when he picked you up, stood there for a moment, just taking the other in, before Matthew leaned down and placed a soft lingering kiss to your cheek.

“See you soon then.” He said quietly as he pulled away.

“Can’t wait.” You replied back, matching his tone and leaned against the doorway until his car disappeared from view.

-

You fell into bed that night with the biggest grin on your face, still riding the high from your date. You hadn’t had a chance to check your phone much since you’d gotten home but now that you were done for the night you pulled it out to open Instagram and began scrolling through your feed before switching to the explore section to scroll through some random pictures.

Whilst you scrolled aimlessly you paused at a set of pictures that had been uploaded three hours ago. There was you and Matthew, picking pumpkins, him pushing you in the wheelbarrow, the two of you leaning into each other laughing with flushed cheeks and finally a picture of you and Matthew during the hayride, you resting your head on his shoulder and him smiling down at you. When you clicked the comments you saw the fans were absolutely ecstatic.

Though you were slightly annoyed at whoever this person was for uploading what were clearly private moments, you also knew you didn’t have the privilege of privacy and neither did Matthew. You couldn’t help but smile down at the pictures though, they were cute and you couldn’t resist screenshotting them, the last one made you soft though, the expression on Matthew’s face…it was like he couldn’t believe you were there with him which was silly because if anyone should be in disbelief it was you.

You pressed the share button and then clicked your private messages with Matthew to send him the pictures before sending another message.

‘I think after this we’ll definitely break the internet.’

It didn’t take long before Matthew messaged you back.

‘We really should’ve had bets on how long it would take to get online. I do like the pictures though.’

‘Yeah, me too. Thank you today, Matthew, I had an amazing time. I can’t wait to see you again.’

‘I had a wonderful day too, I’m excited for our next date.’

‘Do I get to know what we’re doing this time?’

‘Hmm…nope! Have you got plans for Halloween?’

‘No, I’m free’

‘Can I take you out then? I have such a good idea!’

You laughed out loud as you read his message, his excitement seeping through the screen.

‘I’m looking forward to it.’

‘You’re going to love it, trust me. I have an interview early tomorrow morning so I should get to bed. I really did have a great time with you today, Y/N. I look forward to seeing you again. Goodnight.’

‘I had an amazing day, I can’t wait to see you again. Goodnight Matthew.’

State of Grace

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Prompt - ‘I never saw you coming and I'll never be the same.’

Notes - We're celebrating Red (Taylor's Version) here and I'll be doing imagines for each song on the album so if you have a request (any fandom I write for) send it in!

You never saw him coming. It was like one day the universe had decided it was going to stop screwing you over and finally give you something good. Everything about him was so amazingly unique, he was everything you’d wanted in a person, everything a person should be and somehow he had decided you were something special too.

That morning you made the short walk to the cafe you frequently went to before work, passing a blur of cars only slowing down as the traffic lights changed. The streets were busy despite the earliness, shades of red painted the sky in the morning hours and birds could barely be heard chirping over the noise of the cars.

Despite the music in your ears your thoughts were on the failure of last night's blind date. It was one of many, your friends determined that you needed a partner but after your last relationship, dating was honestly the last thing you wanted to do but you relented and went out with the guys they found. Your last boyfriend had been horrible. He was sweet in the beginning but as time went on… You’d tried to leave the relationship so many times but you just couldn’t. Eventually you had managed to leave, packing your bags and leaving for good.

And now you were stuck being set up because your friends thought a relationship would help, it had been long enough they had told you. Sure they were right, it had been a while since you left your ex but each date they set you up on was just…boring. None of the men were able to hold an intellectual conversation, all of them were just very plain. The last guy was a creep to say the least, something about him made you feel very uneasy. It wasn’t even anything in particular he said but just a feeling, the way he looked at you…it set all the internal warning alarms off.

Thankfully you were able to politely decline his advances for him to come to your house and get back home safely. You had told yourself that was the last date you were going on and that’s when he came into your life and you’d never be the same again.

-

“Excuse me,” A soft voice said, interrupting you from the page you were reading. Looking up you saw a man, his eyes were bright and kind and there was a gentle smile on his face. He looked down at you, fidgeting with the bag on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry to disturb you, I was just wondering if it would be ok if I sat here?” He asked, gesturing to the empty seat across from you.

You scanned the cafe quickly, taking note of how it had filled since you’d walked in before turning your attention back to the man in front of you. He was a handsome looking man, with sharp cheekbones and long hair that looked soft. He was wearing a suit and you guessed he was on his way to work and, like you, was early enough to enjoy a hot drink in the small cafe. He seemed kind, there was something about him that seemed trustworthy.

You smiled up at him and gestured towards the seat, “Of course.”

“Thank you so much.” He smiled, shrugging his bag off and sitting down opposite you.

You didn’t want to stare at him, you tried to turn your attention back to the book in your hands but it was near impossible. Biting your lip, you risked a glance up and saw he was looking out of the window at the different people passing, his drink warming his hands, before he turned in your direction. You were quick to look away but he continued to look at you, glancing down at the book you had been reading.

“Sherlock?” He asked, a grin spreading across his face.

“My friend suggested that I read it,” You smiled back.

“What do you think so far?” Somehow, just from looking at the man across from you, it didn’t surprise you that he was a reader, of course you wouldn’t know yet just how much he read but right now it just made sense.

“I’m actually really enjoying it. I was a little apprehensive considering it was written so long ago but it’s really good.”  You watched as his face lit us as you spoke, eyes wide as he listened to yours words, nodding along with you.

“I think Doyle’s writing, despite being written in 1892, is very much still readable to this day. That’s one of the many great things about his writing…” And with that the man began to ramble on about how the writing style, the use of imagery and how well the plot develops.

You rested your chin on your fist, leaning forward in your seat as the man spoke. You couldn’t help but smile as his hands gestured widely in front of him, the passion he spoke with was beautiful to watch. The man before you was so unashamedly expressive in sharing his thoughts and opinions with you and you could do little more than listen, captivated by him, nodding along as you took in his words.

Your eyebrows knitted together as he cut himself off abruptly, his cheeks turning red as he looked down at his lap.

“I’m sorry, usually people stop me when I start rambling. I’ve already distracted you and here I am now not letting you read-“ He was saying but you cut him off.

“Hey, I was actually enjoying listening to you. Not many people are able to hold a conversation about classic literature, yet alone with the passion you have.” You told him, smiling softly as his cheeks flushed some more but the frown was gone and a smile made its way back onto his face. Good, you thought, he looks so much better when he’s smiling.

“Yeah,” He said with a bashful laugh, “I quite enjoy reading, though I rarely get a chance to talk about the things I’ve read.”

“Same here,” You told him, though you doubted you liked to read as much as him, the man seemed like the type to have full bookcases and then more books scattered throughout his house.

The man went to speak but was cut off by the ringing off his phone, he shot you an apologetic smile before fishing the phone out of his pocket.

“Hey,” He answered, the smile dropping from his face as the person on the phone spoke. His face grew serious as he nodded to whatever information he was being given, “I’ll be in soon, alright, bye.”

“Sorry about that.” He said, turning back to you.

“No problem, I should get to work too.” You smiled and began to pack your phone and book away. The man stood when you did and the two of you walked out of the cafe together, you smiling as he held the door open for you to step out first.

“Hey, um, I don’t,” the man began, clearing his throat and he shuffled on his feet, “I don’t normally do this, ever,” here he paused to let out an awkward, breathy laugh, “but would it maybe, and totally say no if I’m overstepping, but would it be ok if I gave you my number? I’m really curious to see what you’ll think about the book.”

You couldn’t help the soft smile that spread across your face. The man in front of you was charmingly awkward right now, making it obvious that his statement of not doing this much was true. Though you had said you were done with guys and dating, you wanted this one to give you his number and you wanted to speak to him again.

“I’d like that.” You told him honestly, laughing as he looked at you in slight shock for a second before nodding. You pulled your phone out and let him enter his phone number.

“It really was great meeting you…” He said before trailing off, looking at you curiously.

“Y/F/N, Y/F/N Y/L/N.” You told him, watching as he smiled before repeating it to himself.

“It was really great meeting you, Y/N. I’m Spencer Reid by the way.” He told you with a dimpled smile.

“It was great meeting you too.” You said, shocked by how much you meant it. The two of you stood outside of the cafe for a moment, just smiling at each other before you cleared your throat. “I should let you get to work.”

“Right, right, you too!” He said, still making no move to leave causing your smile to grow.

“I’ll call you.” You promise, watching as he nodded.

“I hope so.” He said softly before wishing you a good day and heading in the opposite direction to you.

You had never saw him coming and things would never be the same.

-

You called Spencer that evening, filling him in on the latest chapters you’d read, him happily listening with a grin on his face and adding his own thoughts and opinions throughout. You were surprised with how easy it was to talk to him, it felt like you had known him for your whole life, like meeting an old friend who you had fallen out of touch with before being thrown back into each other's life again.

The two of you spoke for at least two hours, both with wide smiles on your faces and butterflies in your stomach.

As the time began to dawn on the two of you, you both began to say your goodnight but before you could hand up the phone Spencer stopped you.

“Wait,” He said, louder than either you had been speaking, causing you to raise an eyebrow. “Would you like to go out for dinner?” The way he asked made it sound like he was shocking himself.

You couldn’t help but smile to yourself. You had meant it this morning when you said you were done with dating, the men your friends had set you up with were either dreadfully dull, only there to get in your pants or creeps…or a mix of all three. But Spencer, there was something about Spencer that immediately put you at ease, his non threatening demeanour made you feel safe around him and, as shown through the two and a half hour phone call tonight, he was anything but boring. The way he spoke, even across the phone, was lively, it was endearing and you found yourself wanting to see him again.

“I’d love to.” You told him honestly.

“Oh,” he said, causing you to laugh, “that’s great, really great. Um, I’ll let you know when I’m back and we can figure something out if that’s ok with you?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” you said before pausing, titling your head in confusion, “Wait, where are you?”

“I’m in California. I work for the FBI’’s Behavioral Analysis Unit.” He told him, causing your eyebrow to furrow together before it clicked.

“You’re a profiler?” You asked.

“Is that ok?” He asked back, knowing that this could be the dealbreaker and he’d understand, he really would, this job was dangerous and he knew that would take a toll on any partners.

You thought it over for a moment, as dangerous as the job seemed, you wanted to get to know Spencer.

“Let me know when you’re back in town.” You said, causing him to smile widely to himself.

“I will,” he told you softly, “Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight Spencer.” You before hanging up the phone and throwing yourself back onto your bed with a grin.

Spencer had a smile on his face that he could wipe off if he tried and he held the phone tightly in his hands. He was sitting outside, the sun had just been setting when you had first called him. He was in his hotel room with Derek but upon hearing your voice he excused himself to go sit outside the hotel he was staying at, a jacket thrown over his shoulders to combat the slight chill of the autumn air.

He sat there for a few minutes before he made his way back to his room, fully prepared for the grin that Derek shot him as he walked in. Derek let Spencer go about his nightly routine and waited until the younger profiler had sat down on his own bed before speaking up.

“C’mon kid, talk to me.” He exclaimed, watching as Spencer rolled his eyes but a smile worked its way onto his face, “Who’s the girl?”

Spencer debated it for a moment before sighing dramatically causing Derek’s grin to widen, if it were possible.

“Her name is Y/N, I met her this morning before we got called in and I’m taking her out when we get back.” He told Derek who let out a laugh of disbelief.

“Spencer Reid, my man!” He laughed, standing to clap a hand on Spencer’s shoulder.

Spencer couldn’t help but grin up at Derek. They both knew how something like this was not something Spencer did…ever but it felt right with you. He wanted to get to know you, even if it meant stepping outside of his comfort zone.

“She must be one hell of a girl.” Derek said, making his way to the bathroom with a grin firmly in place. He was happy for the kid, it was about time he got a break.

Spencer didn’t disagree with Derek’s statement as he settled into bed, already planning on what to do for your date.

-

“Wow,” Spencer said, feeling speechless, “you look stunning.” He said, finally causing you to blush widely.

“Thank you,” You smiled, looking him up and down, “You’re looking pretty stunning too.” You told him, watching as his own blush spread across his cheeks.

“Thank you,” He smiled shyly, looking down before looking at you, holding an arm out for you to take before leading you to the car and holding the door open for you. You smiled softly at him before climbing in, smoothing your dress out nervously as he made his way to the drivers side.

It wasn’t long before the two were seated, conversation flowing easily between the two of you.

“He gave your number to the press?” You asked through your laughter, Spencer sat opposite you laughing himself, dimples on full display.

“Yeah, gave them my name and everything and Morgan’s a, he's good with women so obviously my phone was ringing constantly.” He continued, watching as you smiled brightly as you laughed along.

“Did you at least get him back?” You giggled watching as Spencer smirked.

“I went to MIT and let’s just say never wage a prank war on an MIT graduate.” He laughed, causing you to groan.

“What did you do?”

As Spencer continued to tell you about his and Derek’s prank war you couldn’t help but laugh along. You couldn’t remember the last time you had this much fun, though you tried to pretend you were happy when you were with your ex you knew, if you were being honest with yourself, that you were lying. You wanted so badly to make it work that you managed to fool yourself for a long time, bending over backwards in order to please him and it still wasn’t enough. No amount of effort was enough.

But here, now, with Spencer…you felt so much better than you had in a long, long time. It was like a weight had been lifted off you, a weight you didn’t know you were still carrying. Sitting here with tears of laughter in your eyes rather than tears of anger, tears of sadness…it was a feeling you had long forgotten.

“I had a wonderful night, Y/N.''  Spencer smiled, once he had pulled back up to your house he was quick to open your car door, taking your hand delicately in his before leading you up to your door.

“Me too.” You told him sincerely. It had been so long since you’d felt this genuinely happy, you were shocked with how easy everything with Spencer was, he really did have a way of soothing your nerves, making you feel safe and calm around him, like you had known him your whole life.

You hoped that he was sincere when he said he’d had a good time because you wanted to see him again. God, did you want to see him again. Everything about him was so unique, he made it easy to be yourself, made you want to be yourself.

“Can I see you again?” He asked and you beamed up at him, the smile one that you couldn’t hide even if you tried. Spencer mirrored the expression, taking it as a good sign.

“Yeah,” you said with a giggle, Spencer's grin fading into a soft smile as he brushed a piece of hair behind your ear. “I’d really like that.”

He took a moment to just look at you, the soft light of the moon and the street lamps created an amber glow making you look beautiful.

Spencer leaned down, slowly to give you time to move, before he pressed his lips gently to your cheek, letting them linger for a moment before he pulled away.

“Goodnight Y/N.” He said softly, not wanting to break the atmosphere between you two.

“Goodnight Spencer.” You said, smiling softly and matching his tone, before turning to open your door and waving him goodbye.

-

You may not have saw Spencer coming into your life but you were so glad he had. As time went on and the two of you went on several more dates you could feel the armor, the walls you’d built up, beginning to fall with each conversation, each text through the day asking how you were, each night he walked you to your door, kissing you softly, each time he listened to you, each time he let you be yourself. It was so different to anything you had ever experienced before.

Right now you and Spencer were in his apartment, your head resting on his bare chest with his arm around your waist, fingers absentmindedly drawing patterns against your skin. The air was hot but a window had been opened, letting fresh cold air in.

Being with Spencer felt like the slate was clean, you never thought about your ex anymore, you didn’t feel the bone aching sadness you tried to deny, you just felt…happy. It was like being in a state of grace. Your heart was broken after the pain and suffering at the hands of your ex but being with Spencer, it was like your heart had healed itself, all the pieces slotting back together to create a mosaic heart.

You knew you were in love with him, it would be impossible not to be. Spencer Reid was everything good in this world, even though his experiences were enough to turn anybody down a dark path, he stayed good, he stayed honest, he stayed a genuinely decent person.

Here and now, listening to Spencer as he read to you, voice low, the sound of his heartbeat in your ear…you knew love could be a ruthless game, you’d been hurt before but if you played it good and right you knew this relationship could be the best thing in your life. So far everything was going great and you didn’t intend for that to change.

It was like fate had brought the two of you together, both of you had gone through so much, you with a borderline abusive relationship and Spencer with all the horrors and torments he had gone through on the job, all that and fate decided to give you a break and bring you into each other's lives.

Your relationship with Spencer was like the golden age; it was great, it was happy and it gave you both a sense of peace. Being with each other, it was easy, sure there were arguments and there were struggles but it was a worthwhile fight to end up with each other.

Spencer looked down at you, eyes closed and lashes resting upon your cheeks. You looked beautiful despite your messy hair and flushed cheeks that remained from your earlier activities in the bed. He had known how he felt about you for a long time now but he kept putting off saying it aloud, he wanted it to be perfect. He wanted everything to be a certain way when he finally said those words. It was only after a conversation with Rossi that he realised it would never be perfect, it just had to feel right to him.

And here in this bed, you tucked against his side, this was right. This was what he wanted for the rest of his life. He wanted you. And wasn’t that an overwhelming thought at first, wasn’t that a thought that drove him into Rossi’s office to begin with, utterly panicked because he had never felt like this before. But wasn’t it an amazing thought, wasn’t this what most people spent their lives only thinking about and here he was, somehow lucky enough to find you, somehow lucky enough that you wanted him too. Wasn’t it a breathtaking thought?

Spencer had paused abruptly, causing you to look up at him. He was already looking at you, his eyes soft and a smile playing at his lips. You raised your eyebrow up at him in curiosity.

“What are you thinking about, Spence?” You asked quietly, reluctant to break the peacefulness that had settled between the two of you.

Spencer remained silent for a minute, pondering whether or not he should tell you. You watched as he raised his hand, running his knuckles along your cheek softly before turning his hand so his palm could cup your cheek, his thumb running along your cheekbone.

“I love you.” He said softly, watching as your eyes widened before a smile took over your face. He could feel your entire face shift under his hand, could feel your cheeks heat at the words.

You leaned up, softly letting your lips connect with his. Spencer didn’t hesitate in kissing you back, his other hand coming up to cup your other cheek whilst your arm lay across his waist. The kiss was slow, soft lips moving against each other, the two of you completely relaxed in each other's hold.

Though the kiss was soft and slow the two of you pulled away breathless.

“I love you too.” You confessed before attaching your lips to his again, trying to convey just how much you meant those words.

Again the two of you pulled away, breathless. Spencer pulled you against him, letting his lips rest against the top of your head before he turned and let his cheek rest there instead.

“I still don’t know how I got this lucky.” Spencer told you quietly, causing you to tighten your hold on him.

“I’m the lucky one,” you chuckled, “The day I met you I had sworn off dating, I never saw you coming and I’ll never be the same again because of you.”

Spencer pulled back, looking down at you with bright, shining eyes.

“God, I love you.” He murmured before pressing his lips to yours, the complete opposite to how he had before. This kiss was like the best kind of fireworks going off all at once, it made you hot and you kissed back with as much passion as he was given.

Thankfully both of you had the day off and spent that time showing each other just how much you loved the other.

You’d never intended to fall into a relationship again, you had thought you weren’t ready, thought you were too damaged but Spencer Reid had come along exactly when you needed him and showed you how wrong you were.

-

-

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Half of a Whole

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Prompt - ‘We would be together and have our books and at night be warm in bed together with the windows open and the stars bright.’

—————————————————–

Falling in love with Spencer Reid was the easiest thing in the world.

You felt like you had known him your whole life and loved him even longer. From the minute the two of you were introduced nobody could deny the chemistry, you always joked that you must have known him in another life.

Never had you felt so comfortable with anyone as fast as you had with Spencer, he was the first person you turned to when you received good news, if you needed a shoulder to cry on Spencer gladly offered his, even if he had struggled the first few times it happened.

The two of you were like the same person and yet somehow you were so different, Spencer’s hesitation when dealing with strangers was fixed as you greeted everyone with a smile and friendly greeting and your struggles were countered by Spencer just as easily. The two of you fitted into each other's lives so easily it was like you had never not known the other.

Spencer Reid had never felt like this before. At first it scared him, god did it terrify him when he couldn’t get you out of his head, every thought somehow led back to you, his eyes straying to find yours when you were in a room together.

It was how he ended up at Derek Morgan’s home at two in the morning, knocking frantically on the door before coming face to face with a disgruntled Derek.

“Kid,” he had said, relaxing slightly as he saw there was no threat, “it’s two in the morning, this better be good.”

“I really need to talk to you.” Spencer told him, twisting his hands together. You had all just gotten back from a case, it was a tough one. You had been the unsubs' latest target and they found you just before the unsub could slit your throat.

Spencer had never felt so scared in his whole life.

“This better be good.” Derek grumbled but pulled the door open to let the younger man in.

It wasn’t long before the two were settled on the sofa together, Derek waiting patiently for Spencer to start talking.

Any other time he would have pushed Spencer to start but he had a feeling this was about you and knew Spencer needed to go at his own pace considering how far out of his comfort zone he was.

“Y/N nearly died today.” It wasn’t what Spencer had intended to say but this was the event that had made him realise just how strongly he felt for you.

“Yeah she did but she’s fine. We got her.” Derek assured him, watching as Spencer nodded but didn’t say anything for a few moments.

“I think I’m in love with her.” Was the next statement and, yeah, that was more along the lines of what he wanted to tell Derek.

“I know you are, kid.” Derek couldn’t smother a smile no matter how hard he tried but seeing Derek’s expression made Spencer relax.

“I’ve never been in love before.” Spencer said, causing Derek’s expression to soften.

“It’s not easy but if she’s the right girl she’s worth it and trust me, Spenc, Y/F/N Y/L/N is the right girl for you.” Derek said, his tone leaving no room for disagreement.

It didn’t take a genius to see that you and Spencer belonged together, Derek didn’t believe in soulmates but looking at the two of you, your souls were definitely half of a whole, nobody could deny that.

“What do I do, Derek?” Spencer asked, turning puppy dog eyes onto his friend.

“You tell her.” Was the wonderful advice Spencer was gifted with at 2:24am.

“That’s it?” Spencer asked dubiously, “I just walk up to her and say ‘hey y/n, I’m completely and hopelessly in love with you.”

Derek chuckled but was impressed the kid wasn’t having a bigger freak out. The entire team, besides you of course, had been waiting for the day Spencer realised his feelings and they were also waiting for the major panic to follow it.

Honestly, Spencer was doing better than anyone expected.

“Well maybe don’t start with that. Just ask her on a date,” When he saw Spencer go to cut him off he shook his head, “trust me, she’s not going to say no. That girl is head over heels for you too, pretty boy.” Derek grinned which turned into a laugh as Spencer flushed.

“I just ask her out?” Spencer asked.

“You just ask her out.” Derek confirmed and that was the beginning of your relationship.

The next day Spencer headed into work, determined to ask you out on a date. He knew how badly you wanted to go to the new restaurant that had recently opened so that sorted out the location, now he just had to ask.

Which was easier said than done.

Every time he tried to ask you, someone or something seemed to interrupt. It was like the universe was working against him. As the work day drew to an end Spencer had given up and was sitting at his desk with a pout, staring down at an open folder without registering any words.

You had just dropped off your paperwork to Hotch and were heading back to your desk when you saw Spencer.

“What’s got you so pouty?” You asked, taking a seat on the edge of his desk, grinning down at him as he startled.

“Y/N,” He said, ignoring your question entirely, “are you leaving?” He questioned instead.

With a laugh you let him change the topic, “yeah, I was just grabbing my bag.”

“Let me give this to Hotch and I’ll walk you out.” He said, standing up abruptly causing you to raise an eyebrow as he practically leaped up the stairs into the office before shrugging and picking up your bag.

As you headed to the door to wait for Spencer you missed the matching grins on Penelope, Derek and Rossi’s faces.

“Hey,” you said softly to Spencer once the pair of you were in the elevator, “are you sure you're okay?

“Will you go on a date with me?” Spencer blurted out, face flushing red as he cursed himself. That is not how he had intended to ask you.

Your eyes widened at the question that was asked so abruptly, not fully registering what he had asked for a second. That second felt like decades to Spencer who silently waited for your response.

The grin that spread across your face though…Spencer would remember it forever.

“I’d love to.” Was your response, not a single doubt in your mind that you wanted this.

Surprising nobody but you and Spencer, nothing much changed between the two of you. There was no awkward getting to know each other phase where you both tried to be people you weren’t, being friends first made everything easier.

Besides the fact that you could cuddle with each other on the plane nothing really changed. Most return flights now found you and Spencer sitting side to side with your heads bent together reading the same book or saw the two of you curled up on the sofa, you lying mostly on top of Spencer so as not to fall off.

The two of you hadn’t realised just how much you acted like a couple until you became one. You loved it, it was so nice to enter a relationship and not have the entire dynamic between the two of you change.

From there it was only a matter of time before you both confessed your love to one another.

You knew you loved Spencer, of course you did. What other word could be used to describe the excitement you had to see him everyday or the way your stomach still filled with butterflies? What other word could possibly sum up the feeling of home whenever Spencer wrapped his arms around you or the fact that you couldn’t help but smile when he walked into a room?

As Spencer had turned to Derek when he realised his feelings for you, you turned to Rossi. The man, god bless that wonderful man, had spent hours listening to you talk about Spencer Reid. He always told you that you should just tell Spencer how you felt but you were plagued with thoughts of losing Spencer or messing up the dynamic you two had. Rossi told you that was stupid, Spencer loved you, anyone could see it, and nothing could come between the two of you.

Eventually you decided to take Rossi’s advice and that night as you slipped into a dress ready for your date with Spencer, you swore you would say those three words.

Obviously nothing is ever that simple and not even halfway through dinner both your phones were chiming with identical messages that summoned you back to work.

“Oh no, not date night.” Penelope frowned as she looked at your outfits. Spencer just smiled at her but you were annoyed. You were so ready to tell Spencer how you felt and once you got your hands on this unsub-

Your thoughts were cut off as somebody lightly kicked your foot under the table, looking up you saw Rossi, the only person who knew how much tonight meant to you, raised an eyebrow at you, frowning in sympathy as you just shook your head, trying not to frown as Hotch apologised to the team and gestured for Penelope to start.

The case was hard but finally there was a breakthrough.

“Reid, JJ, I want you to go to Tomlinson’s house and see if he knows anything.” Hotch directed. It should have been that easy, Daniel Tomlinson’s name had appeared as Garcia checked a list of employees on shift the day of the murder. Nobody suspected Tomlinson of anything, his record was squeaky clean and on paper he looked like a model citizen.

How wrong was that assumption?

“Reid and JJ not back yet?” Rossi asked, it had been at least two hours since Hotch had sent them to Tomlinson’s house and nobody had heard a word from them since.

As Hotch pulled his phone out to call them, you couldn’t help the feeling of dread that settled in the pit of your stomach.

“I’m sure they’re fine.” Rossi said as he turned to you, watching as you grew paler as the call continued to ring. When nobody answered Hotch dialled another number and it was a matter of seconds before Penelope’s voice flowed from the speaker.

“Here to help.” She said and Hotch quickly ordered her to track Spencer and JJ’s cells, “Give me a moment, they are…” here she paused, it was a short pause, maybe lasting for five seconds but to you it felt like an eternity. “They’re at Tomlinson’s house.” She said, her voice wavering as she drew the conclusion you all did.

“Let’s go.” Hotch said and you all rushed to the SUV, police following behind you.

Spencer was unconscious when you arrived, you felt your eyes fill with tears as you choked back a sob. The unsub had JJ held against him as a human shield but you paid little attention to that, all of your focus was on Spencer.

You couldn’t recall exactly how it went down, it was only when the gunshot sounded that you moved over to Spencer, gently lifting his head and placing it in your lap as tears slid down your face. Faintly you could hear Rossi calling for medics as you pleaded with Spencer to wake.

“Please, Spenc, just open your eyes. C’mon baby, wake up.” You begged but he didn’t move. Medics surrounded you but you refused to move, it took Rossi gently lifting you up to move you away.

You turned around, burying your head in Rossi’s chest as sobs escaped you. Rossi held you close to him, whispering soft assurances that you barely heard.

“C’mon, cara mia, I’ll drive you to the hospital.” He said, leading you out of the basement and over to the car, only removing his arm from around your shoulder to help you into the passenger seat. He waited until the other members made their way over and once everyone was buckled in he began following the ambulance to the hospital, never letting go of your hand.

“He’s lucky.” The doctor said as he approached you all, “any longer and he would have bled out. He’s tired and weak but he’ll be ok.” Those were the words you needed to hear and more tears fell down your face as you let out a sob of relief. “You can see him now.”

You all made your way over to his room, everyone insisting that you go in and see him first. You couldn’t tell the team how much you appreciated them in that moment, so you just smiled at them and entered the room.

“Spenc,” you said softly, causing him to open his eyes slowly and smile at you.

“I’m ok.” He said before you could say anything else and he lifted his hand, gesturing for you to come to him. You did without any hesitation, sitting on the bed, making sure it was his uninjured side.

“I was so scared, I thought-“ Here you cut yourself off with another sob and Spencer just smiled up at you, lifting a hand to brush the tears away.

“I’m ok.” He repeated and you nodded.

“God, baby,” you breathed out, raising your own hand to cup his cheek, careful of the bruise on the right side of his face. “I love you so much.” You confessed without realising, it wasn’t until you saw Spencer’s expression change that you realise what you had said.

His eyes widened as he stared up at you, a soft smile that stretched into a grin taking over his face. You looked back at him, your own eyes widening but before panic could set in he spoke.

“I love you too, I have for so long.” He told you, the hand that lingered by your face moved to the back of your head. You felt him gently push and you let yourself be pulled down to meet him in a soft, sweet kiss.

When you pulled away you bit your lip in an attempt to hold back a smile so that you could kiss him again but nothing was stopping the smile that stretched across your face.

“You’re so beautiful.” Spencer whispered, his eyes taking in every feature of your face, thumb tracing your bottom lip.

The next big milestone for the pair of you was when Spencer asked you to move in.

Before dating you Spencer couldn’t imagine sharing his apartment with somebody else, though cluttered he knew where every book was placed, he knew everything belonged to him, he didn’t have to worry about people moving his files or misplacing one of his books.

When Derek asked him about how he felt about moving in with you, however, Spencer held no reservations. He wanted to live with you, he wanted you in his space, he wanted to see how your books looked on his bookcase and see evidence of you living there everyday whether it was a toothbrush in the bathroom or a pair of your shoes discarded by the door for him to trip on.

He wanted that.

You were in Spencer’s apartment, it was late and the two of you lay in his bed. There was no better feeling in the world, you believed, than being tucked up against Spencer Reid. Spencer looked down at you, half asleep and gripping his shirt and knew he wanted this more than anything.

He wanted to go to bed with you every night and he wanted to wake up to you. How could any day possibly be bad if he got to see your face first thing in the morning? The thought of you two waking up together everyday, him watching as you woke up before the two of you headed to the kitchen, working perfectly in sync with one another to make breakfast.

God, he wanted it.

“Move in with me.” He said, watching you blink the sleep away before turning your head to look up at him. “Please move in with me.”

“Okay.” You told him, smiling up at him. Giggling as he shifted the two of you so he was on top of you.

“I love you so much.” He told you before leaning down and capturing your lips in a rushed, heated kiss.

-

“Why do you have so many books?” Derek groaned as he brought another box up.

When the team found out you were moving in together they had offered to help and that is how you all ended up spending your day off, moving boxes from your house to Spencer’s, everyone grumbling about how much books weighed.

“Seriously, are you even gonna have enough room for all of these?” Derek asked as he looked around the room, seeing all the boxes piled up and knowing there was more to come.

“We’ll make room.” Spencer assured with a laugh.

“You’re lucky I love you two.” Derek told you both, wagging a finger as he did  before he headed back down to grab another box.

It took most of the day but eventually all the boxes were brought up, you had handed in your apartment key and the rest of the team had headed home so it was just you and Spencer. You closed the door before turning around to face Spencer with a grin, him already looking at you with the same expression.

“We live together.” You said, causing him to laugh.

“C’mere” he said, pulling you close and leaning down to kiss you softly. “Thank you for agreeing to move in.” He whispered as he pulled away.

“Thank you for asking me.”

The two of you ended up starting to put some of your books away, you couldn’t help but smile as you saw random empty spaces across the bookcases where Spencer had obviously made room for your books. You turned to thank him, giggling at the soft blush that spread across his cheeks.

“Maybe Morgan was right.” You said, flopping down on the sofa next to Spencer who laughed and automatically wrapped his arm around you. It had taken four boxes of books to fill most of the spaces Spencer had cleared out and there were still so many to go.

“We’ll make room.” Spencer told you, repeating his words for earlier. You turned up to face him, lazily leaning up and pressing a kiss against his jaw line.

“Can we go to bed please?” You said, pulling away and giving him your best puppy dog eyes. “I’m exhausted.”

He chuckled at you, leaning down to kiss your forehead before standing up and offering you a hand. It wasn’t long before the two of you had changed out of your clothes and were tucked up in bed together.

The windows were open, allowing a welcomed breeze to cool down the room, and the curtains hadn’t been drawn properly allowing the lights from the street to leak through. You rested your head on Spencer’s shoulder, smiling to yourself as you realised you got to do this every night.

You whined as Spencer shifted, watching as he grabbed one of the books from his night stand. He turned the pages before stopping on a new chapter.

“Read to me?” You asked quietly, not wanting to break the peaceful atmosphere.

“Of course love.” He murmured, placing a soft kiss on your head. “French or English?” He asked, causing you to glance at the book again and sure enough the words printed were in French.

“French.” You whispered, cuddling further into him, smiling as he began.

“J’ai regardé devant moi. Dans la foule je t’ai vue. Parmi les blés je t’ai vue. Sous un arbre je t’ai vue. Au bout de tous mes voyages. Au fond de tous mes tourments. Au tournant de tous les rires. Sortant de l’eau et du feu. L’été l’hiver je t’ai vue. Dans ma maison je t’ai vue. Entre mes bras je t’ai vue. Dans mes rêves je t’ai vue. Je ne te quitterai plus.”

“I looked in front of me. In the crowd I saw you. Among the wheat I saw you. Beneath a tree I saw you. At the end of my journeys. In the depths of my torment. At the corner of every smile. Emerging from water and fire. Summer and winter I saw you. All through my house I saw you. In my arms I saw you. In my dreams I saw you. I will never leave you.”

Before Spencer had finished the poem you were asleep against his chest, the small smile still on your face. Spencer leaned down to press another gentle, barely there kiss against your head before he placed the book down and wrapped his arms around you, drifting off to sleep with his own smile.

Secrets & Sleepovers

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Prompt - ‘So if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me for I too, am fluent in silence.’

Night after night Spiderman took to the streets fighting bad guys for hours on end and then had to attend school the next day on very little sleep. For the most part, he managed, the spider bite giving him all sorts of cool abilities, one of them being able to last longer without sleep than regular humans.

School was a nightmare most days. The workload was piling higher and higher as the semesters went on and on top of that he had to deal with Flash on a regular basis. The lack of sleep made him more susceptible to losing it on Flash but he somehow managed to keep it to verbal arguments lately. The last thing he needed was to accidentally expose his powers in a fight with Flash.

Peter Parker loved being Spiderman but some days it was all too much. Every little noise, the scent of the city, the feel of his clothing, his senses became overwhelmed and all he wanted to do was hide under his blanket and sleep for weeks.

Unfortunately that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. With exams around the corner and someone needing to look out for the little guys, Peter was overworking himself and it was only a matter of time before he crashed and burned.

You let out a loud groan as you let your head hit the textbook in front of you, missing the way Peter smirked at you.

“If I ever have to look at another math book again, I may cry.” You grumbled into the book. You and Peter were currently sitting in the library studying for an upcoming exam.

When you had first sat down, you had raised an eyebrow at Peter. He looked like he hadn’t gotten any sleep judging by the dark circles under his eyes, there was also bruising around his left jaw and a small cut just below his hairline. When you had asked him about it he shrugged it off and told you he was staying up late studying and that bruise was just him being clumsy. You weren’t sure you believed it but you let it go for now.

“Considering we got to a school that specialises in that stuff, I’m not liking your chances.” Peter grinned, causing you to sit up and throw a crumpled up piece of paper at him.

“Hey!” He exclaimed with a laugh. Moments later you heard a shushing noise causing you both to quietly chuckle.

“Let’s take a break.” Peter suggested, moving to put his books in his bag. You were in desperate need of some food and a stretch so you were quick to follow.

It wasn’t long until the two of you had found a small diner and had a selection of food in front of you.

You noticed how Peter shifted and winced a few times before settling in.

“Are you sure you’re ok?” You asked again.

Peter cursed himself, he thought he was good at hiding his secret but you always managed to see through the lies he gave. It was another downside to having this mutation, the lying. He was constantly lying to you, to Aunt May, to everyone but he couldn’t risk anyone finding out. He wouldn’t risk the people he cared about getting hurt because of him.

“I’m fine,” Peter assured with a bright smile, it was hard not to smile back though the concern didn’t go away. “Trust me, after finals I’ll be good as new.” He knew that wasn’t true but he just wanted you to stop worrying about him. With all the stress right now the last thing he wanted was to add to that.

“Ok, ok, I’ll drop it but if you wanna talk about anything…”

“I know and I appreciate it, Y/N/N, I really do.” With that you finally did let the topic drop. Peter was right, everyone was stressed and overly tired right now.

-

The days were starting to blend into each other. Peter was struggling to get through the day, dreading the nights where he would fight crime but if he didn’t do it and somebody got hurt...that was on him.

Nobody else would feel the pain he felt, not when he could do the things he could.

Peter was sitting on the roof of a tall building, legs dangling over the edge. He’d long taken his mask off, knowing he was safe up here. Tonight had started off rough, he’d stopped a mugging but had taken a few hits from the man's knife and plenty of bruises were quickly developing on his face. Thankfully his healing speed meant that the knife wound had knitted itself together quite quickly to stop the bleeding but that only made him more exhausted.

He wouldn’t know where the bruises ended on his face and where the bags under his eyes started. He so desperately wanted to do nothing more than clasp into bed.

He was exhausted.

Shaking his head, he blinked hard against the sudden wetness in his eyes, cursing himself for becoming so emotional but he couldn’t help it. Between school and secret identities, he was stretching himself way too thin.

With a sigh Peter stood up. He had to get moving otherwise he’d end up falling asleep on some cold rooftop. He swung for what felt like hours, really it couldn’t have been more than twenty minutes, before landing on a fire escape.

He hadn’t realised it but somehow he had ended up at your house. The curtains were still open and he could see the soft glow of the lamp.

Mentally he chastised himself for coming here but who could blame him? You had always had a way of making him feel safe, making him feel like everything was ok even when it was falling to pieces. When he had lost Uncle Ben you had been his rock. So who could blame him for subconsciously seeking you out when he was feeling like this.

He looked in the window and saw you sat at your desk, books and papers spread out in what looked like a chaotic mess but he knew you would know exactly where everything was.

He wanted so desperately to knock on your window, to just sit with you in silence and feel like the world wasn’t about to crumble but he knew he couldn’t.

For starters he was still in the Spiderman suit and secondly he knew if you caught a glimpse of him now, bruised and beaten, you wouldn’t stop until you found out his secret.

He stood up, ready to leave and continue swinging around for a few more hours despite the exhaustion. You however heard something outside and turned to look, from your seat at the desk you had a perfect view of the fire escape just outside your window and your eyes widened as you saw Peter.

You ran over to the window, pushing it open before Peter had a chance to move and the two of you froze, locking eyes with each other waiting for someone to break the silence.

When the silence stretched for an uncomfortable amount of time you spoke;

“You’re Spiderman.” You stated rather than asked, the evidence was clear before your eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Was Peter’s quiet reply, his eyes grew wet as he tried to hold back tears. You took in each cut and bruise on his face, wincing in sympathy. It explained a lot really but you’d seen the videos of Spiderman, you’d seen the risk he put himself in time and time again.

You didn’t like it but even without Peter’s explanation, which you would definitely be getting, you knew he wouldn’t ever give Spiderman up, knew how much responsibility he must have been putting on himself. The exhaustion made a lot of sense.

“Come in.” You said, stepping out of the way so he could climb in. Peter hesitated but did as you asked, standing awkwardly by your window as you rummaged around in your closet.

It took a few moments but eventually you found a pair of sweatpants and an old shirt you’d stolen from Peter and held them out for him, smiling as he raised an eyebrow at you.

“I think you own more of my clothes than I do.” He joked but you could still see the tension in his shoulders, giving away just how anxious he was causing you to sigh.

“Listen, I’m not angry and I’m not going to ask you to give Spiderman up or anything. Hell, I’m not even completely surprised it’s you behind the mask. Sure I wish you would’ve told me but I get why you didn’t.” You told him sincerely, stepping forward and reaching up to lightly touch his bruised cheek. “You’re so brave. I promise we can talk about it in the morning but you look exhausted.”

“I’m so tired,” He whispered, his eyes falling shut as he leaned into your touch, “God, I’m so tired.” He repeated.

You took his hand and guided him to your bed, making sure he was tucked in before climbing in yourself. Peter was quick to move from his side and rest his head on your stomach causing you to smile down at him. You let your fingers settle in his hair, gently running your finger through it causing him to cuddle closer to you.

You continued to stroke his hair long after he had fallen asleep, a warm feeling spreading inside of you with every happy sigh he gave in his sleep. You were determined to make sure Peter was well rested and looked after from now on, seeing just how bad things had gotten for him. The pressure you knew he would put on himself would be enough to make anyone crack but Peter had held himself so well.

It wasn’t long before you were falling asleep too, a smile on your face as Peter reached for your hand whilst murmuring incoherent words.

Losing You, It's Not An Option

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Prompt - 'The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair.’

Notes - This is my first time writing for Hotch so if it’s a little ooc, I do apologise.

It had been a rough case, three missing kids turned up dead before the FBI had been called in and another one missing for over ten hours. You had fourteen hours to figure out where this kid was before the chances of her being found alive were gone.

The plane ride over seemed to drag, nobody said anything after being briefed on the case, all too absorbed in reading through the files, thoughts and theories running through everyone’s head a mile a minute.

This was a particularly tough case for you considering the last time you’d had a case involving a kid they had died just as you burst through the door.

If only you’d been faster then that kid would still be alive.

With a sigh, you scrubbed at your face before looking back down at the folder, missing the look of concern Hotch threw your way.

“Y/L/N, Reid, you’re with me at the latest crime scene. Rossi, Prentiss, JJ, you head over to the station, the family of the missing girl should already be there.” Hotch said as everyone got off the jet and into two separate SUV’s.

There wasn’t much at the crime scene at this point, nothing that gave you any clues and everyone was painfully aware of the countdown.

-

Around the fifteen hour mark the team was ready to give a profile. You stood to the side as you watched Hotch describe how you were looking for a male in his early to mid 30’s who would have recently lost a five year old brunette girl. Everyone took turns giving bits of information out but you stayed silent, this time noticing the glances from Hotch.

“Y/L/N can I have a word?” Hotch asked once the briefing was over. You just nodded and followed him into an empty meeting room.

“Is everything ok?” He asked, closing the door.

“Everything’s fine.” You told him and judging by the look he shot you, you weren’t very convincing.

“Y/N,” He began but you cut him off with a shake of your head.

“There’s a little girl out there and we need to find her. We don’t have any time to waste.” And with that you brushed past him and back into the bullpen just in time for Spencer to announce that Garcia had found somebody who matched the profile perfectly.

“Noah Williams, aged 33. He, his wife and daughter were involved in a car accident, only he made it out alive. The wife was declared DOA but the daughter didn’t die until…” Here Spencer paused to skim through the details Garcia had sent over, “four days ago.”

“When the kidnappings started.” You said, causing him to nod.

“We know he doesn’t spend long with his victims due to the length of time from the girls being reported missing and then found, it’s usually around the twenty four hour mark. Isabelle has been missing for nearly sixteen hours now giving us an eight hour window to find her.” Spencer informed everybody and Hotch was quick to pull his phone out, Garcia answering on the first ring.

“Garcia, we need an address.” He said into the phone and you could hear typing noises as Garcia desperately tried to find an address.

“I have two.” She announced after a few moments. “One’s a cabin in the woods, pretty secluded, the other is a house not too far from you.”

“Rossi, Prentiss, Morgan you take the house. Y/L/N, Reid you’re with me at the cabin.” Hotch directed and people around you were quickly moving.

“You think he’ll be at the house?” Rossi asked, causing Hotch to sigh.

“Probably not but we can’t rule it out.” Everyone agreed and it wasn’t long before you were all in the SUV’s heading to two separate locations praying that the little girl was still alive.

-

“Reid, you and Y/L/N take the back, I’ll take the front.” Hotch said and everyone nodded before moving into position.

Just as Spencer opened the backdoor and headed inside you noticed a door that must have led down into the cellar. It was concealed pretty well but things looked out of place, like somebody didn’t have enough time to properly cover it up.

You turned around, not seeing Spencer, and lifted your gun higher as you walked over to the door. Thankfully it pulled open without any resistance and you slowly headed down the stairs.

As you came to the bottom of the stairs you heard crying causing you to turn around to see Isabelle, looking scared and bruised but thankfully alive, and the man Garcia had sent you a picture of.

He held a gun to the little girl’s head causing you to pause for a second.

“Come any closer and I’ll kill her.” He threatened, causing the girl to let out a whimper.

“Hey, it’s ok, nobody needs to get hurt.” You said as you lowered your gun. You knew Hotch would kill you for this but you just needed that girl alive. “Look I’ve put my gun away, I’m not here to hurt you Mr Williams, I promise I just want to help.”

“You can’t help me!” He shouted, the hand holding the gun shaking.

“I can, I promise I’ll do everything I can to help you but don’t let her parent’s go through what you went through when you lost Amelia.” You knew bringing up his daughter could go one of two ways and if it went south…you really needed him pointing that gun at you and not Isabelle.

“Don’t say her name!” He yelled and you couldn’t help but relax as the gun was finally pointed at you.

“It crushed you to lose her, she was your little girl and it’s not fair that she’s gone but you can’t take it out on these girls.” You tried to reason with him but you could see it in his eyes, you could see there was no talking him down.

You looked down at Isabelle and managed to discreetly signal to her to run up the stairs, out of the cellar, from there Hotch and Reid could help her.

You held your palm flat as Williams took a step closer to you, his attention no longer on the girl and with that you closed your fist and Isabelle was darting past you causing Williams to scream.

Before you even had a chance to draw your gun you felt a burning hot pain in your thigh and then another in your upper arm. As you hit the floor you heard the sound of people running down the stairs and more gun shots before your eyes slipped shut and your body went numb.

-

“What was she thinking?” Hotch asked as he paced in the private waiting room the team had been given.

“That last case with the kid really got to her, man. She blamed herself for his death.” Derek said from his seat.

“She’ll be ok, she always is.” Rossi said after a few moments of silence. Spencer really hoped that was true but he couldn’t get the image of you out of his mind.

Blood seemed to be pouring out of both the wounds alarmingly fast, Hotch hadn’t hesitated to shoot Williams before he was knelt on the floor next to you, uncaring about the blood staining his clothes. His hand cupped your cheek as he pleaded for you to wake up, desperately shouting for a medic.

It was safe to say Hotch had always had a soft spot for you though it had never been said it was obvious to everyone on the team, except of course for you. Every time someone teased you about it you just smiled and shook your head.

The image of Hotch so emotional as he held your unconscious body against his chest was one that wouldn’t leave his mind for a long while.

Eventually a doctor came over and told them of your condition. You had lost a lot of blood, nearly flat lined as they operated on you, one of the bullets had shattered so it was a long process but thankfully you’d be fine.

“She’s waking up but she’s on a lot of medication right now so just take it easy with her.” The doctor advised as he led them to your room. Everyone thanked him before he left and Hotch turned to the team.

“I know you all want to see her but could I have a few moments alone?” He asked and nobody had it in them to deny that request, not when Hotch was looking more scared, more worried than they could ever recall.

“How you doing?” Hotch asked softly as he entered the room, shutting the door gently behind him.

“I’m ok.” You whispered, slowly opening your eyes and shooting him a small smile.

“Y/N,” Hotch began still talking softly as he pulled a chair close to your bed, “what you did today-” He started but you cut him off.

“Saved a little girl’s life.” You smiled, “I won’t apologize, if I could go back and do it all again, I wouldn’t change a damn thing.” You told him and were surprised to see him smile. It was a rare sight for you so you couldn’t help but savour the moment.

Ever since you’d started working at the FBI you’d always had a small crush on Hotch, never acting on it because he was your boss but it was always there. The rest of the team teased you about Hotch being soft on you but you knew there was no truth to it - though seeing him here, smiling at you had you hoping they could be right.

When Hotch took your hand in his, brushing his thumb against your knuckles you couldn’t help but stare down at the joined hands.

“I know you wouldn’t.” He said, the small smile still in place. “Y/N, I need you to be more careful though, you could have called for backup. Doing it alone got you hurt, you nearly died and losing you…it’s not an option.” Hotch said, the words surprising him as well as you.

You couldn’t help but stare at him for a moment, your eyebrows knitting together as you took in the words.

“Hotch,” You began, throat suddenly dry and you had no idea what you were going to say. Thankfully he cut you off.

“I can’t lose you, Y/N.” He admitted and every part of him was screaming to shut up, he was your boss, this wasn’t right but he’d almost lost you today, if the bullet had hit you a little more to the right you would have bled out. He couldn’t lose you. “I know it’s not appropriate, I know I’m your boss but I cannot lose you.” He repeated as he lifted your knuckles to his lips

Your eyes watered, Hotch was here with a confession you’d only dreamed of hearing.

God, you wished you weren’t high on pain meds right now.

“I don’t care that you’re my boss, I don’t care what people will say. I only want you, Aaron.” You whispered, causing him to let out a watery laugh.

“I’ve waited so long for you to say that.” He admitted quietly, making you blush. “You’re so beautiful.” He murmured.

“I just got shot, I look horrible,” you laughed, causing his eyes to brighten.

“You could never.” He said, his tone so painfully honest that all you could do was smile shyly at him, a soft blush covering your cheeks.

The two of you stayed silent for a moment before a knock on the door interrupted you as Derek poked his head around. You watched as his eyes almost immediately darted to your joined hands, a small grin on his face.

“Can we come in?” He asked looking at Hotch and then you, both of you nodded and pretty quickly everyone was settled in your room.

Hotch never let go of your hand.

-

“You can take the jet home, we’ll be fine here.” Hotch told everyone as they got back to the hotel that night. There was a sense of pride as everyone shook their heads no, wanting to wait until you were released so you could all head home together.

His team was truly amazing.

Alone in bed he had plenty of time to think of the conversation that took place between the two of you. There had always been something about you but he never focused on it, when you had first joined the team he was still married but after his divorce he started noticing you more.

It was true he had always been less strict with you but he was always able to brush it off until one day he realised he was falling for you. He didn’t know when it happened just that it did but he was your boss, it wasn’t allowed.

But seeing you in that hospital bed, looking so small attached to various different wires and monitors, watching as you bled out on the dirty floor of the cellar…rules be damned, he wasn’t going to waste any opportunities with you. Even if you told him you didn’t feel the same, at least he tried.

But somehow you did feel the same.

He was still trying to register that. How could someone like you, someone so young, so much potential, so much goodness, like someone like him, he was older, he was divorced, he had a kid.

With a sigh, he rolled over and closed his eyes.

You liked him.

He wouldn’t let a day go by where he wouldn’t show you how much he cared for you.

He couldn’t lose you, it wasn’t an option.

-

“Hey, have you heard from the hospital? How is she?” Reid asked the next morning as everyone met in the lobby.

“She’s trying to bribe nurses to let her leave so I’d say she’s doing much better.” Hotch said, causing everyone to laugh as they piled into the SUV.

The ride over to the hospital was fairly quick, everyone talking amongst themselves. Rossi sat up front with Hotch and after making sure everyone else was distracted he quietly spoke.

“So, you and Y/N,” He began, watching how Hotch tensed.

“It’s a bad idea, isn’t it?” Hotch asked, it was a thought that kept running through his head but he ignored it as best he could.

“I don’t think so.” Rossi said, causing Hotch to look at him for half a second before turning his attention back to the road. “I think the two of you are professional enough to make sure it doesn’t affect your work. You like her, Hotch, you have for a long time and she likes you. You both deserve to be happy.” Rossi said sincerely just as they pulled up to the hospital.

As everyone else got out, Hotch turned to Rossi and just looked at him for a moment.

“Thank you.” He said. He really needed to hear that it was ok and he trusted Rossi to tell him the truth no matter how much it hurt.

-

“How is she?” Emily asked as the doctor walked up to the group.

“She’s tough. Though there was a lot of blood, the wounds themselves aren’t a cause for concern. We’re going to get her some medication and then you can take her with you.” The team all let out a collective sigh of relief at the news.

“Hey baby girl.” Morgan greeted as he walked over to you, placing a kiss on your head. “How you doing today?”

“Hey,” you grinned up at him, “I feel pretty good, all things considered.” You told him honestly. Naturally your wounds hurt but the medication was working great.

Your eyes drifted to Hotch, looking for any signs of regret. You had a feeling that a night alone might make him realise all the ways this could blow up in your faces but thankfully he shot you a small, barely there smile letting you know everything was alright.

-

Being back in your own bed was a blessing you would never take for granted again. Though it was made better by the fact Hotch was here, sitting next to you as he adjusted the covers around you.

“You’ll shout me if you need me, right?” He asked. You hadn’t wanted to be alone tonight and Hotch had been worrying over you since you were discharged from the hospital. Now that the medicine was starting to wear off and the ones prescribed to you weren’t as strong you were starting to feel the pain and Hotch had offered to come home with you just to make sure you were ok. He insisted on sleeping in the guest room of your apartment which made you smile.

“I promise.” You assured him, smiling as he leaned down to kiss your forehead.

“Ok, I’ll let you get some sleep. Goodnight sweetheart.” He whispered, squeezing your hand twice before he headed out of the room. You watched as he paused in the doorway, a smile on his face as he looked back at you.

“Goodnight Aaron.”