... So Y'all Know I Am Dragonslayer Trash.. But Also Blackguard Garbage.. Sooo-

... So y'all know i am Dragonslayer trash.. but also blackguard garbage.. sooo-

Bleiss wrapped her arms around her boyfriend as she kissed his cheek.

(Ferret!Faunus) Bleiss: darling, I believe you and I both know that book is full of shit.. besides wouldn't you wanna learn the fun way.

Jaune gulped softly before feeling a hand on his shoulder as he saw yang smiling at him. As she spoke in a disarming voice.

(Komodo dragon!Faunus) Yang: you don't really have any other choice lady killer~

Jaune:.. I assume I'm not gonna be walking for months am I?

Bleiss: nnnnope!~

Yang: just a week. Every month.

Jaune:... Oh boy.. aura don't fail me now

(also what should be jaune x Bleiss x yang ship name? I'm calling it black dragon guard. Cause I feel like it)

Jaune: *Reading a book on humans dating faunus*

Jaune: Shattered pelvis... Extreme dehydration... litters...

Jaune: Is it really worth it?

(Imagine your Jaune OTP, faunus edition)

Well if we throw in neo we should throw in cinder too.

More hate sex is best. Get yang hate fucking neo, Blake and Weiss hate fuckin, and jaune and cinder not just hate fuckin but "IM GONNA KILL YOU!" FUCKIN.

I think Negative!Weiss and Negative!Blake should have raw, nasty, violent hate sex.

I don't think it would fix them, in fact I think it'd make them worse, but it'd be Hot.

... Ok let's do this.

But I'm titling this section as season 1. Because fuck you.

Jaune is a WHORE! PT. 5

Jaune at this point was used to being in uncomfortable positions and this one was no different as now he sat infront of Sun. The monkey faunus just sitting there seemingly calm as his blue haired friend paced back and forth foaming at the mouth.

Jaune: um if I may ask. Why am I here-

Sun: because Neptune is feeling salty

Jaune:..why?

Neptune: because you fucked Weiss, her hot sister, even her MOM! And now I find out you managed to bone MY MOTHER! Jaune I know we barely know each other but-

Jaune: I'm a whore.. I know. I've been told that many.

Neptune: AND THAT'S A DAMN PROBLEM! YOUR STEALING ALL THE HOT BABES!

Sun: nep. No offense man but I can't really blame the guy.

Neptune:.. sun I'm begging you not to finish the sentence.

Sun: your mom's hot dude. Id do her too if we weren't friends.

Neptune just looked at him before raising a fist as sun just rolled his eyes as jaune looked at the monkey faunus.

Jaune: your supprisingly chill... Especially considering the fact I slept with Blake too.

Sun: don't get me wrong I was mad at first but I know Blake is smart enough to make a good choices. Plus it's not like I was gonna score her anyway.

Jaune: so... You knew about her and yang?

Sun sighed softly as his tail swished back and forth.

Sun: more of just a hunch. Those two were chained at the hip, sometimes you just can't beat a bond formed early.

Neptune: back to the problem at hand. jaune, you being a whore is causing a major issue. I need to ask you to please, stop

Jaune just chuckled softly before standing up as he winced and grabbed his hips.

Jaune: Neptune. We both know that's never gonna happen.. I can't stop them.

Neptune: what do you mean you can't stop them? And who's "them"?!

Jaune got close as he put a hand on Neptunes shoulder and looked at him in the eyes.

Jaune: the women... They hunt people like me... They hunt dorks

Neptune: dear oum...

Jaune: i can't feel my pelvis Neptune... But they'll keep coming. I can't stop them.

Sun: ah so that's why ilia was looking at me funny.

Suddenly a frantic knock at the door was heard.

Nora: fearless leader! Let me in! I think something's going on with Ren.

To be continued...

Alright then. It seems I have to pause the glitch cycle.

Let's fucking go.

SHOW ME WHAT YA GOT SPAHHZY!

..I think it's safe to say I won the angst war between me, @spahhzy, and @epic-arc. With three solid angst posts and both of them being radio silent for a minute (I feel like I should be worried about that but eh). I feel like I just hit a fuckin black flash..

is that cringe?

Ah who gives a shit! I won!

Now it's time for the glitch cycle! Let the suffering begin!

But before that, back to your regular scheduled program of lovey dovey Bullshit and me being fuckin GOOFY.

i see you are whiteknight trash like i am. let me ask you this weiss is captured in atlass, the schnee family mansion. We must stage a tactical rescue. who does jaune bring as part of the mission to break her out and what is their role? starter lineup, nora? demolitions expert, ren? assasin. Oscar? union representative. Qrow? Wildcard. Whats jaunes plan? (dont think about it too hard, this is purely wish fufilment "fuck yeah" kinda fiction. dont even gotta write any thing in character or nathin)

Ah @philosophicalpug you've come to the right shop.

But I must warn you. For I am someone who goes overboard. You just allowed me to be fuckin GOOFY.

Let's get fucking ridiculous!

Breaking out the ice queen!

The night was cold as Weiss sat in her room, trapped in her own mansion. As some punks managed to jump her, demanding a ransom of 3,000,000 lien. However Weiss knew one thing.. one significant thing that anyone on this planet should fear her for.

She had the money to buy all the ingredients for Ren's pancake recipe. Meaning one person. Nora Valkyrie.

We cut to RBYJNRQO as Nora seemed to be preparing her weapon as she had a shadow over her face.

Ruby: alright everyone. Let's run over the plan again.

Jaune: ok, first Ruby, your our a way in and out.

Ruby: yang is our distraction.

Yang: I'll cause some noise so that way they don't notice you all bust in.

Jaune: blake-

Blake: I'm making sure yang has backup.

Jaune:.. I was gonna say you watch our backs but ok.

Oscar: I'll handle negotiations if you can't find her.

Ren: I'll take over Blake's position so that way you have someone watching out for you.

Ruby: thanks Ren.

Ren: Weiss is our friend.. we won't abandon her.

Nora: I'll break through the walls.. and any guards legs.

Everyone looked at Nora as Ren just sighed before hugging her.

Qrow: I guess that leaves me. I'll be around.. I wanna see if my semblance can be useful.

Ruby: you don't have to do that uncle qr-

Qrow: this is your friend, kiddo. For all I know if I join you on this breakout mission she could get seriously hurt.

Ruby:.. alright but if things go bad?

Qrow: I said I'd be around didn't I?

Qrow had a smirk as Ruby smiled at him. Jaune clapped his hands as he had a grin.

Jaune: alright we got everyone ready. Let's get to work!

Nora & Yang: YEAH!

We cut back to Weiss as she hummed softly. Her eyes looked at the window as she for a second saw a plume of red from beyond it. A smile crept up her face as the 25 minutes felt like 15 seconds as jaune, Ruby, Ren, and Nora came in.

Ruby's face quickly turned to a smile as she practically flung herself at the heiress.

Ruby: WEISS!

Weiss chuckled as Ruby hugged her.

Weiss: good to see you too Ruby.

Jaune: alright before we can be all cuddly and celebrate we gotta get you out.

Weiss: I expected so.. do you have Myrtenaster?

Jaune practically yoinked out Weiss's weapon as Weiss smiled. With said smile evoking a small blush on Jaune's face.

After a few minutes and an annoyed Nora having to cut Weiss's bindings despite her not being forced to. Weiss was free as she held Myrtenaster and inspected it. It seemed to still be in pristine condition.

Weiss: now let's get going.

Nora didn't even reply she just broke down the wall as Ruby quickly took Ren and Nora as she petal burst off.

Weiss: while we have this time.. Jaune?

Jaune looked at the heiress as the girl gave him a nod.

Weiss: thank you.

Jaune: shouldn't you be thanking Ruby?

Weiss: trust me I will.. but I wanted to personally thank you first.. you've become a lot better of a man.

Jaune: well.. I want to make sure I'm able to help my friends.. and that means being a lot less of an ass.

Weiss just smirked before Ruby arrived as she took Weiss and Jaune and they left in a burst of petals.

Mission: SUCCESS

True love.

Apologies everyone I was in the middle of questioning if I was bi or if I just wanted to fuck a femboy. Anyway time for fucking ANGST- wait.. shit this isn't angst this.. this is it, the one ship I can't make fucking depressing! BLACKGUARD!

@spahhzy, @epic-arc you are all in my domain. I welcome you, to blackguard paradise.

The only place where you heathens understand-

THAT I AM FUCKIN GOOFY!

(also I'm sorry but Bleiss's real name should be Bellamere. I will make a fuckin petition and FORCE EVERYONE to sign that shit, I actively refuse to acknowledge her by a shitty name choice. Is this me acting like I'm big shit because I wrote like 4 blackguard fics prior to this? Yes.. but also because I'm sick of Bleiss's name being just Bleiss. LET ME BE DELUSIONAL.)

Jaune laid beside his wife as he combed a hand through her hair. The woman he loved was humming softly as she cradles their infant son.

Jaune: hey.. Bellamere?

Bleiss: hmm, Yes darling?

The black sheep of the schnee family looked up at jaune. Her magenta eyes being filled with that same love he saw days, weeks, months, years, decades ago.. he saw it constantly in her eyes. And it always made his heart skip a beat.

Jaune: I.. I'm glad you didn't give up on me..

Bleiss: darling-

Jaune: I promise I'm not shitting on myself.. thank you Bellamere.. thank you for loving me, for having faith in me.. even when I let.. even when I let that cat possess me.

Bleiss: Jaune.. sweetheart, I want you to listen to me.

Bleiss managed to turn without waking the sleeping baby in her arms.

Bleiss: I want you to understand something, all those years in Beacon, those years you and Weiss helped me reconnect with my family, the years we spent together in the ever after. every single one of those years. I will gladly go through it again. because I love you.

Bleiss moved a hand and cusped her cheek.

Bleiss: and no matter what, I will always love you. Now and forever.. and even if I went through more hell than those years brought.. as long as you and our child would be there for me at the end. I'd gladly go through it. Because you, my sister's, my brother, my mother, my own child.. all of the people I have grown to care for.. you are all worth more than the world to me.

Jaune's face heated up as a smile crossed his Face. As he leaned in and kissed the one woman that stole his heart... and gave hers in return.

Jaune's eyes stared at the gravestone as he held his son's hand. The young boy crying. While jaune barely managed to choke back tears.

The date didn't matter, the rest of her name didn't matter. As all jaune needed was to see her first name and nickname on the grave.

His wife.

His partner.

His everything.

Was dead.

But as jaune wanted to just.. vanish he looked to his son, the boys pitch black hair and azure eyed reminded jaune.. he still had someone to be there.

The next few years would hurt, they would never hurt less but to Jaune all that matters was that his son still had his father.

And an Arc never leaves his family.