Me: I Want A Friend, I'm So Alone... ;-;

Me: I want a friend, I'm so alone... ;-;

Also me: I don't want any friends, what if they just befriended me out of empathy? What if I did something which would make them hate me? I'd rather be alone in my own universe with my para friends.

writing without thinking

I’m craving to create a connection that transcends the capacity of just being human. I’m craving the small bits of softness words can offer, because I don’t want my heart to be locked by fear of misunderstanding or some sense of worthless. I feel so scared of the odds, so scared of never having this one thing I’m deeply searching for. I wish I could have a guess, a single clue, but I have nothing but my own standards and desires. Is it so wrong to want it so much? I want something discomplicated, something simple but not fragile, something that comprehends my spectrum of introspection, the solitude that lives inside my heart. It feels like I have been waiting for so long and all that I know is the broken pieces of dellusion; sometimes it feels like it is slipping away, running through my fingers like sand and I just can not hold it. I feel that I deserve so much, but my mind just can not comprehend the deepness of this constant years without just one touch, one sign of reciprocity. The blank pages I use to write on knows me so well and maybe that’s the reason why I love writing. I try to hold on to that perspective that, someday, someone will see right through me, and there will be no reason for me to hide from the unknown.

The Byers-Hopper Family

me when i find out who hurt my paras

I've been in this state way too long

pov you're waiting for your daydreams/paracosms to get interesting again

mmm since we’ve been researching this the past few days: (putting them in simplest terms)

mania - a period of being unstably elated to the point you may need to be hospitalized (a manic episode is usually a week or more). this may include not sleeping, engaging in dangerous behaviors, having extreme trouble focusing, and everything listed in hypomania

hypomania - a period of being elated to the point others notice. this may include speaking faster, being restless, difficulty sleeping, difficulty concentrating, engaging in reckless behaviors, higher sex drive.

bipolar disorder - a disorder where you have at least one manic episode and depressive episode with in your life. usually a (hypo)manic episode is followed by a depressive episode. (bipolar 1 is full mania and bipolar 2 is hypomania)

depression - a condition characterized by feeling sad, losing interest and motivation, changes in appetite, changes in sleep, and brain fog for at least two weeks

depressive episode - feeling sad, losing interest and motivation, changes in appetite, changes in sleep, and brain fog for at least a week, usually closer to two months

borderline personality disorder - a disorder when you have repetitive extreme mood swings, difficulty maintaining relationships, and feeling worthless.

borderline episode - when you have a negative mood swing and feel a lot of emotions. this often leads to suicidal thoughts and sh. usually lasts less than 24 hours.

hyperfixation - when you neurodivergent ppl get a crumb of serotonin from something/hj /lh. when a nd person becomes so interested in something they have difficulty doing anything aside from that and it consumes their thoughts, may cause a loss of sleep or healthy behaviors. (usually 3 hours to 3 days, although variation) (adhd)

special interest - a long term fascination for with something that brings an incomparable amount of serotonin. often the focal point of someones thoughts. (usually a week to lifelong) (autism)

sensory overload - when your mind cannot process a lot of sensory input and it becomes difficulty to focus and interact with others. (nd)

depersonalization - feeling disconnected from yourself, watching yourself in third person

derealization - feeling disconnected from reality, may be related to an existential crisis

anxiety attack - a longer feeling of overwhelming anxiety, usually with a certain cause

panic attack - a short feeling of unbelievable fear and pain, often compared to a heart attack. often with no determinable cause or because of a trigger.

compulsion - a behavior you have to do or you feel fear or panic (usually with ocd as a result of an obsession)

tic - a behavior you cannot control, often jerky body movements or saying something

stim - a stimulating behavior that feels good, you can stop and just feel kind of disappointed or upset

not a mental health professional just a lot of time and anxiety