my addiction recovery & self-love journal: discovering a greater me
420 posts
76 -
76 -
The anxiety built up. I kept sitting there in a daze, unable to concentrate & subconsciously holding in my breath (as if to block out pain).
Then I gasp and come to. Idk a weird fugue state.
I’m such a talker and yet when it comes to describing what I feel or why….I often find myself speechless. Riddle me that lol.
So I sat on the bathroom floor and cried. Had to force the tears at first but then it was like a dam breaking loose.
Then my husband held me and soothed me and he really is the best.
Ok see, I just have to remember that I am loved and seen and cherished - so it’s not the end of the world!
It felt so cathartic to cry. To really sob. And poof, it feels a little less scary now. You know, life.
One day at a time. Each day a little better and brighter.
More Posts from Neverluckygoldfish
You will be too raw for some. You will be too loud, too big, too fierce, too quiet, too deep. These are not your people.
S.C. Lourie
77 -
Today, I am grateful. I had plans with some new friends and I’ll be honest - I get nervous.
Especially doing it sober? I’ve always counted on alcohol or something to reduce the insecurity. To relax my social barometer.
These days, I usually hide out on the weekends trying to muster myself up to survive the week.
Kind of sad to live life this way but I’ve got a lot going on so this is how it is right now.
So I hung out with these two friends and made myself not drink. And it was not bad. I was nervous and felt a little uncomfortable in my own skin, but I did it.
And what was really special, is I was able to vocalize this feeling ^ and share it safely without fear.
I feel like a baby deer learning how to walk, all awkward and gangly - but kind of cute, right?
Baby steps.