James's Special Delivery: James Conquers His Fear Of Marriage With Meowth (part Three Of Three)

James's Special Delivery: James Conquers His Fear of Marriage with Meowth (part three of three)

"There once were Pokémon that married people. There once were people who married Pokémon."

I bet none of them had to worry about ending up in a sappily written mpreg. Or having their kid's name start with "Meth."

Part one

Part two

This fic contains:  Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; lack of medical and scientific knowledge; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; odd ideas about romance; unusual pillow talk; Meowth lingers on James's feet again; ridiculously easy resolutions to problems; attempts to rehabilitate James’s mother (she totally approved of Jessiebelle’s bullshit she deserves no mercy); both James and Meowth eat the placenta (off-screen)

-O-o-O-o-O-

James and his mother had been writing each other letters and calling each other.

James and Meowth had quit Team Rocket. They started selling legal drugs and were making a surprising amount of money. James would keep his kitten.

Bethany knew about James’s kitten. She was okay with it.

James was eight (out of nine) weeks pregnant. His mother was coming to visit their cabin.

James and Meowth were trying to save for a very small wedding. They were planning on using a wedding dress and a Meowth-sized tuxedo from their disguises.

“I’m going to look just awful in white,” James said. He wasn’t even showing that much, since Meowth kittens were smaller than human babies. He was showing a little, though, enough that he could hardly move fast.

Meowth almost wished James would give birth early. He hated to see James so uncomfortable. He decided James should stand up as little as possible.

The kitten was moving around a lot inside of James, which was a pretty weird feeling for him. He thought the kitten might be trying to come out early. He read a book about what to expect when “expecting.” It said having sex could induce labor. He grabbed Meowth and ran into the bedroom.

“Meowth, please have sex with me,” James said.

“Why?” Meowth asked.

“Because having sex might make me go into labor,” James said.

“I don’t think you’re in any condition to have sex. And you’re only eight weeks through it. That would only work if you were overdue,” Meowth said.

James collapsed onto the bed. “I’m worried,” he said.

“About what?” Meowth said.

“I’m worried about if I’ll be a good parent.”

“You’ll probably make a good parent,” Meowth said, massaging James’s feet. He pressed his paw into James’s finely arched soles and rubbed his slender toes.

“Maybe you’re right,” James breathed.

“You kinda already sound like you’re in labor,” Meowth said.

James moved to a more comfortable position. “Maybe I’m just hot and bothered,” he said. He lowered his eyelids, trying to look sexy. He let out a falsetto giggle. “My mother is coming tomorrow. She’d have a fit if she walked in on us right now.”

Meowth stroked James’s hair. “She knows about the kitten, right?” he asked.

“Yes, I wrote her about it,” James said.

They sat on the bed for a while.

“Did you still want to have sex?” Meowth asked.

“Yes, I’m pretty hormonal,” James said.

They closed the bedroom door.

-O-o-O-

The next day, James’s mother came. As soon as she came in, she and James hugged. She could only stay for one night. She had to go back to work the next day. She didn’t have to work, but she chose to.

James cooked dinner for everyone. He made sure to make extra food.

After dinner, he and Bethany went into his bedroom. James confessed about being worried when Bethany asked him why he wasn’t more enthusiastic.

“You’re really lucky you love Meowth,” Bethany said.

“I suppose,” James said.

“Why aren’t you excited?” Bethany asked.

“I’m just so nervous. I’m afraid I won’t be a good parent to the kitten.”

“Of course you’ll be a good parent. You may be a former Team Rocket member, but you do have parental instincts. You’ve got what a lot of people don’t have these days: a good heart. Stay true to yourself and your kitten and you’ll be fine.”

James had broken down in tears. “Oh, Mother. I wish we could’ve been this close sooner,” he cried.

Bethany hugged James.

“Now, about what you’re going to name the kitten….”

-O-o-O-

The next day, Bethany had to leave. James and Meowth waved from the porch as she drove away.

They went inside. James felt a strange movement inside of him.

“Meowth….the kitten is kicking harder,” James said.

Meowth put a paw on James’s stomach.

“Wow. The kitten is pretty active today.”

James put a hand on Meowth’s paw. It seemed as if the kitten would come out at any time.

-O-o-O-

James was well over nine weeks pregnant with the kitten.

He wasn’t showing as much as he would with a human baby, but he still felt like he was carrying a Voltorb in his shirt.

One morning, Meowth was trying to help James get up.

“It’ll be fine, Meowth. I can manage,” James said. He suddenly felt a sharp flash of pain. He doubled over, clutching his stomach.

“Are you okay?” Meowth asked.

“I think I’m in labor,” James panted.

“Stay in bed, Jimmy,” Meowth tried to sound calm.

James shifted into a sitting position and breathed deeply. A few hours later, James gave birth to a tiny Meowth kitten.

“It’s a girl,” James said.

“What’s her name?” Meowth asked. He bit off the kitten’s umbilical cord.

“Her name is Methesia,” James said.

“That’s pretty,” Meowth said. He put the placenta on a plate. He and James could make a breakfast for two out of it.

James wiped away his tears as he brought Methesia to his bosom and nursed her. He had to be strong for his kitten.

-O-o-O-

The next day, James and Meowth got married. They held the ceremony in their backyard.

James put on his white dress and wove tiny white roses into his hair. He wasn’t a virgin, but as a former member of Team Rocket, he didn’t care about rules.

James stood by the window. This was it. He was about to tie the knot with Meowth. He thought Jessiebelle had scared him away from marriage for life.

He briefly thought about how a character in a movie made a rope out of sheets tied together and climbed out of a window. He immediately banished that thought.

“I have to be strong for Meowth and Methesia,” James thought. “I can’t think about the past.”

He looked in the mirror, checking his appearance. He had something old (his dress, from one of their disguises), something new (he’d just gotten a new bottlecap), something borrowed (he’d borrowed a slip from Jessie), and something blue (his hair).

“You look just fine,” a voice said.

James turned around. “Mother!”

Bethany hugged James. “You’re going to be a beautiful bride to Meowth and a great parent to your kitten,” she said.

“Thank you, Mother,” James said, wiping away tears.

-O-o-O-

Bethany went to sit down with the other guests (Jessie and Mondo). James stood quietly, waiting for his cue. He took a deep breath.

As he walked down the aisle, he knew even though he was scared, he had to do it.

He had to be strong for the kitten and Meowth.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Team Rocket members don't care about virginity and placenta makes a great romantic breakfast for you and your cat-husband.

The Angsty Domestic Life of Team Rocket: Quite the Turn (part two of three)

Thirteen!me thought this story should be rated PG-13.

Thirteen!me was a goddamn idiot.

Part one is here.

Warnings: Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; workplace violence and murder; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; general angst; lack of medical and scientific knowledge; drunk Giovanni smoking crack; original characters; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; self harm; odd ideas about romance and revenge; blood drinking (?!); FUCKING CANNIBALISM?!

-O-o-O-o-O-

It was a cold winter day. Meowth had decided to help James raise Methoni. Jessie still wanted them to think of plans to steal Pikachu and was being a slavedriver to them. Methoni was old enough to be able to understand their situation, but young enough for it to be better not to tell him.

That didn’t mean he didn’t know what was going on, which he did.

That day, James had come down with something because he and Jessie worked all day shoveling snow and burying Matalico. Meowth had to take care of Methoni because he and James didn’t want Methoni to get a cold.

Methoni was asking a lot of hard questions. The answers were too extreme so all Meowth could say was, “Let’s wait until you’re older.”

Then after literally twenty questions, Methoni asked the ultimate push-them-off-the-deep-end question: “What happened to my father and my sister?”

At that moment, James snapped.

He went into the bathroom, mumbling something about avenging Matalico’s death.

“I think he’s breaking down,” Meowth said.

-O-o-O-

James forced himself to vomit. He was punishing himself for letting Matalico die. Then he took a small razor and started to cut himself. After he made about ten cuts, he stopped.

He grabbed a pocketknife and climbed out of the bathroom window.

He ran to Giovanni’s headquarters. He broke into Giovanni’s office. The guards tried to catch him, but he was too fast for them.

When James arrived at Giovanni’s office, Giovanni was drunk and smoking crack.

“What do you want?” he yelled violently at James.

“I’m here because you killed Matalico!” James yelled.

Giovanni slapped James down with his ring hand. “I don’t care about that waste of a Meowth,” he said.

James took out the pocketknife and stabbed Giovanni.

When Giovanni finally stopped breathing, the guards came in and looked shocked.

“Don’t tell anyone about this if you know what’s good for you,” James said.

“Hey, take it easy, babe. We want to thank you for that. He was a slavedriver,” one of the guards said.

“You’re welcome,” James said.

When the guards left, James trashed the surveillance camera. He locked the door. He had killed Giovanni, but his work was far from over.

He poked a hole in one of Giovanni’s legs. Blood poured out of the hole. James collected the blood in a cup.

James cut off pieces of Giovanni’s flesh and began to eat it. The taste didn’t faze him; he’d eaten some pretty weird things when he was pregnant with Methoni.

After eating about a quarter of Giovanni’s flesh, James collected more blood. He began to drink the blood.

When he was done, he cleared away the remains of Giovanni. He had become dazed after doing that little cannibal homicide thing. It was probably because he had never eaten human flesh before. He had drank blood before, but it wasn’t human blood. Every time he, Jessie, and Meowth accidentally killed a Pokémon when they blasted off, James would stab the Pokémon and drink its blood to honor it. Jessie and Meowth knew about this habit; Jessie thought it was weird and Meowth thought it was brave.

James cleaned the blood off his clothing and face. He had to admit, he was pretty cute. That was why the guard had called him “babe.” He hoped they wouldn’t try to make him “do things” with them. He didn’t want to insult the ghost of Matalico.

James went back home. He entered the bathroom through the open window.

Then he realized what he’d done and started vomiting.

Meowth came in.

“James, are you okay?” he asked.

“What have I done?” James screamed.

“What do you mean?” Meowth said.

“Let’s just say, we don’t have a boss anymore.”

“What did….How did….?” Meowth wasn’t even finishing his sentences.

“I killed him.”

“What did you do with the body?” Meowth asked.

“I drank his blood and ate his flesh,” James answered, completely calm.

Meowth noticed the cuts on James’s arms. “Who did this to you?!” he asked, alarmed.

“I did,” James said.

Meowth looked at James sadly. He knew right away this was because Matalico was killed.

“You know what we have to do, don’t you?” he said.

“What?” James said.

“Turn you in.”

James screamed.

-O-o-O-

James woke up screaming.

It turned out it was all a nightmare.

He never killed Giovanni. He never drank Giovanni’s blood. He never went cannibal on Giovanni.

He had just fallen asleep in front of the toilet.

James remembered the horrible vision of Giovanni’s dead, rotting carcass. He rushed back to the toilet.

Meowth walked by. He heard James vomiting. He decided to leave James alone for a while.

Meanwhile, in the bathroom, the fact that he was no longer dreaming hit James.

He realized it was the day after Matalico was killed.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Cannibalism and blood-drinking is no excuse for a messy appearance.

James and Meowth Do A Fluffy Experiment (part two of two)

This story is slightly less fluffy when you remember that they're having the kitten as part of an experiment for a criminal organization that has mistreated their test subjects, but thirteen!me did not write by that logic.

Also, it seems that Jessie kinda forgot the conversation she had with James the previous night. She probably remembered the Iron Fleet, though.

Part one is here.

This fic contains:  Pokémon/Human romantic relationship (warning because some people might be disturbed by it, even though Meowth can consent in this story); unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; bizarre focus on James's virginity (it disturbs me how often this shows up in these warnings); lack of medical knowledge; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth (weepy!James and generic boyfriend!Meowth are back); odd ideas about romance; Dr. Fuji is miraculously alive somehow (and also out-of-character); weird plot inconsistencies; "deflowered" doesn't mean what thirteen!me seems to think it means; boomer humor pregnancy gags; HOLY SHIT I REMEMBERED MONDO EXISTS?

-O-o-O-o-O-

Jessie was watching TV when James and Meowth came in.

“James, how did the test go?” she asked.

James was crying. He didn’t seem to have heard her. He ran into the bedroom, crying.

“James, wait! Please let me talk to you!” Meowth said.

Jessie knocked on the bedroom door. “Can I come in?” she asked.

“Yes,” James said.

Jessie came in. “What happened? Why are you crying?” she asked.

James sniffled for a while, then answered. “The experiment worked and now I’m pregnant,” he said.

“Meowth did that to you?!”

“Yes.”

“Weren’t you a virgin before?”

“Yes, but he had to do it. We would lose our jobs if we didn’t,” James said.

“But didn’t you value your virginity?”

“Yes, sort of. But that doesn’t matter. What am I going to do about the kitten?”

“I think you should just rest now. I’ll go talk with Meowth.”

Jessie went back into the living room. “Meowth! Shame on you!”

“What did I do?”

“You deflowered James!”

“But I had to. And I love him!”

“You do? It’s not just lust?”

“Yeah. Got a problem with that?”

“No. It’s okay, then.”

They heard soft snoring from the bedroom.

“I hope James will let me talk to him when he wakes up,” Meowth said.

-O-o-O-

James woke up about two hours later. He just lay there in bed, thinking about this whole mess.

He was going to have Meowth’s kitten.

Meowth came in. “James….I’m sorry for doing this to you. You probably had other plans to do this with someone else. If you don’t forgive me, I’ll understand,” Meowth said.

“You don’t need to apologize. I love you. I had other plans, but they were plans with you. Actually, they were just dreams that I thought would never happen. So it’s okay. I’m glad I did this with you,” James said.

“Are you sure we don’t just have a crush on each other?”

“No, I’m sure it’s true love.”

Meowth decided to just agree with James on that one. Usually James was right about things like this.

They knew they’d be able to make it through this ordeal.

-O-o-O-

The kitten would be born after nine weeks. James and Meowth got married.

The kitten would be small, so James probably wouldn’t show very much.

Fortunately for James, he didn’t get morning sickness. But he did get mood swings and weird cravings.

Skipping to the fourth week of pregnancy, Jessie and Meowth were staring at James while he was getting a snack.

“What is that?” Meowth asked.

“Beef jerky with peanut butter,” James answered.

“James….Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” Meowth asked.

“I’m fine, Meowth.”

Another time, Meowth tried to kiss James on the lips.

“What are you doing?” James asked.

“Kissing you.”

James didn’t look very happy about it. In fact, he looked frustrated. He let out a frustrated sigh and walked away.

“What did I do?” Meowth said.

“Well, you have been trying to make out with him a lot. Maybe you’re crowding him,” Jessie said.

Meowth decided to give James some space for a while. After an hour, he just couldn’t take it. He had to go see James.

He found James in tears, in the bedroom.

“James, why are you crying?” Meowth asked.

“I’m so sorry if I hurt you. I’m just scared.”

Meowth hugged James.

“You don’t have to be scared. It’s okay. I’m here for you, Jimmy,” Meowth said.

-O-o-O-

James was a little over nine weeks pregnant. He was only a little bigger, but he still wore a maternity shirt. He also still wore his Team Rocket uniform boots.

“Don’t your feet get hot in those boots?” Jessie asked.

“Yes, but I don’t want anyone to see my swollen ankles,” James said. He felt ready to give birth to the kitten any minute.

One day, Mondo came over.

“The lab sent me over to check on all of you. It’s about the experiment,” Mondo said. “What exactly is this experiment, again?”

“Well….It’s sort of weird. James and Meowth did it and I just watched, so I think they should explain it,” Jessie said.

“Where is James, anyway? I haven’t seen him for over two months.”

“There’s an explanation for that.”

They turned around and saw James, standing in the doorway.

“He’s wearing a maternity shirt,” Mondo whispered to Jessie.

“I know,” Jessie whispered back.

“That experiment that Meowth and I did was an experiment to see if humans could have babies with Pokémon. And it worked,” James said.

“Congratulations, James!” Mondo said happily.

“Thanks, I guess,” James said.

“Why aren’t you excited?” Mondo asked.

“I don’t know if I can handle it,” James said.

“Of course you can handle it!” Mondo said.

“Yeah, Mondo’s right! You can do anything you set your mind to, James,” Jessie said.

James smiled shyly. “Thanks for the support,” he said quietly.

“You deserve it,” Mondo said.

-O-o-O-

James went into labor the next day. The scientists at the lab helped him give birth.

“It’s a girl,” James said to Meowth.

“What’s her name?” Meowth asked.

“Her number is #0775,” Dr. Fuji said.

James looked Dr. Fuji straight in the eye. “She has to have a name,” he said solidly.

Dr. Fuji was somewhat unnerved. “All right, then. What’s her name?”

“Her name is Willow.”

James got to keep his kitten with Meowth.

-O-o-O-

Epilogue

James and Meowth are living happily together with Jessie. Their daughter, Willow, is very smart. Mondo visits them.

They all quit Team Rocket. They got jobs with decent salaries.

The twerps don’t blast them off anymore.

The trio was meant to be happy after all.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the Story: If you have a baby as an experiment for a criminal organization, they'll totally let you name them and won't immediately whisk them away. They'll even let you keep the kid if you quit!

At least they didn't make James eat the placenta.

James's Special Delivery: Tab A Plus Slot B Equals Kitten (part two of three)

There is a three-sentence sex scene in this. It's three sentences too long and it's also too short.

If you're going to write James/Meowth slashfic, you'd better go all in on it.

Part one

This fic contains:  Pokémon/Human romantic relationship; unexplained mpreg/male pregnancy; shaky grasp of the realities of pregnancy and childrearing; lack of medical and scientific knowledge; possible out-of-character moments for Jessie, James, and Meowth; odd ideas about romance; Dr. Fuji is miraculously alive somehow; ridiculously easy resolutions to problems; attempts to rehabilitate James's mother (she totally approved of Jessiebelle's bullshit she deserves no mercy); divorce; IKEA erotica that's somehow way too graphic and under described at the same time; dialogue that can't decide if it wants to be humorous or suspenseful

-O-o-O-o-O-

Meanwhile, back at James’s hometown, his parents were getting a divorce.

“I’m tired of the way you’re treating our son!” yelled Bethany Morgan, James’s mother.

“That boy is just hopeless. He won’t marry a proper citizen like Jessiebelle. He’s even dating a talking Meowth who used to be a criminal. How disgraceful!” Jacob Morgan, James’s father, yelled.

“This is the year 2002. Things are changing. Besides, he’s really in love with him. Maybe he ran away because of you. You drove James away, both you and Jessiebelle.”

“How dare you talk back to me!”

“Someone has to. I want a divorce.”

So Bethany and Jacob got a divorce. Since Bethany was rich before she married Jacob, she didn’t end up in the poorhouse. Both of them took only what they brought into the marriage.

Bethany was happy. She was free to visit her son and write to him without drama.

-O-o-O-

James looked at the pill in his hand.

“Am I really sure I want to do this?” he thought.

James decided he was ready and he would’ve done this sooner or later. It might as well be sooner.

He swallowed the pill.

-O-o-O-

That night, James and Meowth did it.

James felt very invigorated by Meowth’s thrusting. Meowth loved James with all his heart and put his love in every thrust.

Needless to say, both of them were very happy (as well as tired) when they went to sleep.

-O-o-O-

The next morning, James woke up feeling nauseated. He ran into the bathroom and started vomiting.

Meowth realized James wasn’t in bed with him and woke up. He went into the bathroom. James was kneeling with his head in the toilet.

“James, what’s wrong? Why are you vomiting?” he asked.

“I think I’m pregnant,” James said.

Meowth took James to the doctors at the lab. Sure enough, James was right.

-O-o-O-

After eating just bland food and resting, James thought he’d gotten over his morning sickness in three days.

But morning sickness was the least of their problems.

“How are we going to tell Jessie?” James asked Meowth.

“Let’s tell her in the most subtle way possible,” Meowth said.

That day, after Jessie came back from the anger management sessions, they tried to be subtle when telling her about the experiment.

“Jessie….The experiment worked,” Meowth said.

“What experiment?”

“James is….er….‘fertile.’”

“What are you talking about?”

James, who was sitting next to Meowth, was massaging his temples. This was going to take a long time.

Jessie was getting impatient. “What. Is. Wrong. With. JAMES?!” she screamed.

“JAMES IS GONNA HAVE A KITTEN, OKAY?!” Meowth yelled.

“Why didn’t you just say you wanted to catch another Meowth?” Jessie said.

“Not like that,” James whispered.

“Then, like what?”

James whispered in her ear.

“What?”

James whispered it again.

“WILL YOU STOP BEING SO DAMN VAGUE?” Jessie yelled.

“I’M PREGNANT WITH MEOWTH’S KITTEN, OKAY?” James finally yelled.

“Freaking finally.” Then she realized what he said. “You’re what?!”

“It was an experiment,” James said. “Dr. Fuji made us do it for Team Rocket.”

“And we love each other,” Meowth said.

“Okay.”

“That’s it?!”

“Yeah, I don’t really have a problem with that.”

“Oh.”

James and Meowth went into the bedroom. They had gotten lucky.

-O-o-O-o-O-

Moral of the story: Lusting and thrusting leads to tin roofs rusting.

plot twist: this is also a sims blog

I made Team Rocket in sims 4.

This cabin was all they could afford. It has the following lot traits: Creepy Crawlies, Cursed, Filthy, Gremlins, Off-the-Grid, Spooky, Vampire Nexus, Good Soil.

At least James won't have trouble keeping his garden.

In this world, they've left Team Rocket and are laying low in the small town of Willow Creek.

Somewhere in their cross-dimensional journey from anime to Simworld, Meowth ended up being split into two separate entities: a human form and a cat form.

They're dressed like that because it's cold out.

"Are you sure they won't find us here, Jess?" (James's traits: Goofball, Geek, Squeamish, Collector; Aspiration: Freelance Botany)

"Just try to act normal and they'll never suspect a thing." (Jessie's traits: Hot-headed, Ambitious, Self-Absorbed, Gregarious; Aspiration: Leader of the Pack)

Meanwhile, human Meowth has already racked up a debuff from playing with fire. (Human Meowth's traits: Cat Lover, Erratic, Outgoing, Dastardly; Aspiration: Chief of Mischief)

Kitty Meowth would face-palm if he could. (Kitty Meowth's traits: Talkative, Free Spirit, Clever)

An aerial view of their cabin. Note the lack of an indoor toilet (that's what that large bush is for).

And the curse on the lot claims its first victim. Apparently, some angry ghost is playing with a James-shaped voodoo doll and wants to spread the rage. He stomped around pouting like this for a while.

He also kicked over his own trashcan.

Nice job, lol.

He cleaned it back up. Kitty Meowth fought small animals in their toilet bush and left them a present (feathers).

The welcome wagon showed up. They brought the dreaded fruitcake.

Jessie has the hidden trait that makes your Sims actually get a positive moodlet from fruitcake, because of course she does.

James and Meowth are not so lucky. (also nobody tells Kitty Meowth to stay off the furniture because it's futile)

Kitty Meowth sits on the counter. Where they cook.

James has a cat toy.

Travis Scott seriously questions volunteering to be in the welcome wagon that day.

I could've written so many shitty songfics

I found a list of songs I made as a teenager. It is titled "Blueshipping Soundtrack."

Some of the songs had a star beside them. They are:

I'm With You by Avril Lavigne

The Glory of Love by A Newfound Glory

All You Wanted by Michelle Branch

Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls

Song For the Lonely by Cher

I can't for the life of me remember why I starred those particular entries.

edit: I remembered

anyway, thanks for coming by while I yell on the street corner