I Dont Go Anywhere And I Dont Do Anything And I Dont Have Close Friends I Can Trust With My Life.

I don’t go anywhere and I don’t do anything and I don’t have close friends I can trust with my life.

How am I supposed to write a book if I don’t know what living feels like

There was this guy that I became friends with in my junior year of high school, and I started sitting at his table at the same time that our biology class was doing a project that involved growing bacteria, and he sat right in front of the oven we kept the bacteria in and it always smelled so weird at that table so for the longest time I thought the odd smell was the bacteria, but then when I saw him again the next year in the hall I realised that no actually that was just how he smelled

Back in high school I found Newsies online and saved it onto my Drive, and I would watch it every Saturday night until at one point I had the first half memorised and probably could have recited the second half with some help, but then the video got deleted and I wasn’t able to watch it for a year. The hyperfixation faded, so by the time Disney Plus came out, I wasn’t able to get back into it and it just became something that I used to love.

It’s always sad when fandoms fade.

really just saw an online book blog say that Frodo was the main character of The Hobbit smh

One of my best friends will no longer be my coworker, so that means that now more than ever I cannot tell her that I love her, because her leaving means most of our interactions will be through texts, which means it will be easier to idolise and create my own image of her. The bad news is, I was talking about love languages with her and said I wanted to spend money on her because “money is my love language”, and then she said she loved me “too” and then I realised I inadvertently told her I loved her so anyway life was a mistake

Why I Can’t Bring Myself to Tell My Friends I Love Them

I used to tell my friends that I loved them all the time. If I saw them doing something I thought was cute, or if they made an awesome joke, or if they tried their hardest on something, or when I would get the occasional rush of gratitude for them, I would tell them. Love was meant to be expressed when they were still there to receive it, and love was meant for everyone. I wanted everyone to know that love was meant to be given liberally.

Back when my ex best friend cared about me, she was so supportive. She would tell me that there was good in the world and there were things to be living for, and she would always be so happy and in love with life. She was a small person, with a round face and the warmest hugs, and she would tell me that I was worth it. That I was worth loving, that I was amazing, that I made her life better. My second new best friend does that too. She does all of that. They’re different people, but in terms of what they provide me they’re nearly the same, and in terms of appearance, they look similar. And that scares me because there’s a reason my ex best friend is no longer my friend, and to see the same feelings start for someone similar is terrifying.

When I finally acknowledged my first best friend after moving on from the last one, I noticed she was giving me everything my ex best friend couldn’t, but I was resigned to the idea that she wasn’t as verbally or physically affectionate. I still love that best friend, but those are my love languages, and I don’t usually get them from other people. And then my second best friend came into my life and gave me exactly what I wanted and needed that was missing from my first best friend. But now there’s a problem. Because my first best friend isn’t very verbally affectionate, she probably wouldn’t like it if I told her I love her, and even if she did, I would be opening up to her too much and that might push her away. My second best friend would absolutely love it if I told her I loved her, but I’m too worried that I’ll put all my energy into that friendship only to slowly realise that I’m not getting anything back.

I want to love them. I do love them. And I always thought it was a cliché motivation when a character was like “I’ve been hurt before and I don’t want to be hurt again”, but that is exactly how I feel and I couldn’t even trust my second best friend when she told me that she would always care about me because that’s what I told my ex best friend and now I hate her with a burning passion. I hate songs like “Night Changes” or “The One That Got Away” because they remind me that something you think will be infinite could end within a moment, and I hate reading fanfics where characters end up far away from each other with no possible way of regaining the relationship they had before and/or in canon because that’s the truth of life. People will come and go and you can’t do anything about it. Love is never going to be enough if it’s only going one way. Life isn’t a show where everything comes full circle; there are going to be loose ends and regrets and there will be no consolation or closure and everyone leaves eventually no matter how much you or they care. I love my best friends now but if I admit it to them then it solidifies the idea that there’s something to lose, and I can’t stand that. I don’t want to be hurt again. Despite how genuine my best friends may be right now, there will be a day where they don’t care. I don’t want to reach that day. I don’t want it to continue to that point. I don’t want to tell them I love them.