Fiona: Hi, You Must Be Ruby.

Fiona: Hi, you must be Ruby.

Ruby: I must?

Fiona: You know, we have a friend in common... Jaune.

Ruby: How do you know Jaune?

Fiona: We're friends. Sometimes we run into one another in town, and we go get dinner after.

Ruby: Let me guess... He takes you to the library where your favorite books are in a high shelf?

Fiona: He does.

Ruby: Yeah, that'll stop. And dinner? Don't get used to it. *Chuckles before grabbing Fiona’s collar and pulls her in close with her silver eyes flaring up.* I've seen dozens of you. I've outlasted them... And I'll outlast you.

Fiona: 😨

Wow... Let me just say, before you possibly read this, this was originally just another copy pasted rwby quote shitpost thing like I usually do. Said copy pasted quote will hopefully be more obvious near the end. But then, as I was writing, I just kept going, and going, and going, and going, until a hour in I realized, I was still going. But, I had already written most of it, so I thought I may as well finish it. 

I don’t really know how many will like, or even care about this, but I hope the ones that do enjoy the read. It’s pretty rough not gonna lie, don’t got anybody to beta-read this. I’ll probably not do something this again, except possibly on a random whim out of nowhere, much like this. Either way, I stalled long enough. 

Behold what happens when an idea expands further than intended with no certainty about the quality!

Atop a lonely single tower, sat a princess. For an almost undermined amount of time, this one room was all that she knew. All that she could exist in. At one side sat her her handmaiden, currently making the room as clean and neat as she could. The girl was a cat faunus about her age, with long black hair and vibrant amber eyes, along with cute little cat ears atop her head. The two weren’t particularly close, the girl seemed to hold a quiet distain for the princess if anything. Not that the princess could blame her, seeing as her family practically enslaved her and forced her to work for the princess. On the other side were two guards, perched in front of the door to the room, her only means of leaving. Before her was but a single window, perched up to allow her at least some connection to the outside. She brushed her silky white hair as she looked out at the world, wishing longingly to be apart of it. All that she knew about the outside came from books her handmaiden leant to her occasionally. 

While many were rather fantastical, leaving her to believe them to be fiction, there were also tales of numerous knights and heroes who could certainly exist. Her favorite, certainly being the story about the Rusted Knight. While many were uncertain about his actual appearance, some accounts claimed him to be rather handsome. Others would even state to have gotten the chance bed him, claiming him to be a rather well-endowed and... virile lover. Oh, how she wished she could be part of his tales. Rescued from her lonely tower by him, giving her the chance to not only explore the world, but take back and restore her kingdom, as well as her family name, from her bastard of a father. Perhaps this would also be enough for the knight to feel he has redeemed himself, and settle down. ‘Preferably with me...’ The princess thought, a red tinge arising on her cheeks as she imagined the knight taking her, and blessing her with many heirs. A sigh left her mouth as her imagination died down, revealing her cage once more. As much as she wished she could escape into her mind and leave this world behind, she couldn’t ignore where she was. Her fantasy was just that. A fantasy. One she couldn’t hope to leave from.

However...

Just as her hope was nearly diminished, the subtle sound of a horn ran through the air. This surprised the princess out of her stupor as wondered where that sound came from. Then she heard it again. Louder this time. As she listened in closer, her head almost fully out the window, she could make out yet another sound. A sound of collective stomps upon the ground, getting louder and louder with each step. A march. And upon the third horn, she could just barely fully recognize the sound, as well as it’s significance. And her worries were confirmed, as but a minute later, she could make out a large army making their way to her tower. Knights clad in all sorts of iron armor, brandishing weapons from swords and shields, to spears, to even mases. The princess could feel her heart begin to race, wondering just what they could want. Money perhaps? Maybe they’re here just for the thrill of a battle? Art they perhaps here for... her?

The princess did her best to steady her breathing, knowing she must look at this situation calmly, and vigilantly. She looked over the army, spying out any potential weak spots she could make out from her high vantage point. What she found however, had changed the course of her approach. As she scoped through the army, she saw one knight in the front, seemingly leading the rest behind him. That alone didn’t really catch her attention. What did, was the giant jackalope he was riding. There was also the man’s armor. The white plating with gold lining alone was attention grabbing, none could ignore the clear rust that covered every inch of the armor. If that wasn’t enough, the princess could make out one more thing. His shield held a rather familiar crest, that of two crescent moons. A gasp left her mouth as she comprehended just who this man was.

“The Rusted Knight!” She exclaimed, much to the confusion of her two guards, whom seemed to have spent more time leering at her beauty than noticing the army at their doorstep.

Looking away from her however, they quickly realized the situation, fear clearly emanating off them. It appears they wouldn’t have to worry however, as a large number of the guards stationed at the tower quickly left to fend off the approaching army. The two guards let out a sigh of relief, believing themselves to be safe from the upcoming carnage. The princess however was quite horrified at the display.

“What art they doing? Do they not knoweth whom they are up against? You must telleth to them to retreat or surrender! Before they all lose their lives!” She shouted at the guards.

The however brushed this off, believing their men to be of a superiors caliber. And if they were not, they’d at least by the two guards time to escape. Hearing this disgusted the princess, not believing the audacity these two portrayed. Not only ignoring an order from their princess, but also condemning their comrades to die. And yet, considering the attitude, as well as the degenerate behavior all her guards have portrayed in her time here, she shouldn’t be surprised. A guard had suddenly burst into her chambers in a state of clear panic. The two standing by the door look at him perturbed, wondering what was the alarm. Quickly trying his best to recollect as his thoughts, he stands front and center. “One of the soldiers outside has breached the tower!” He shouted, the shock of all in the room. Looking out at the continuing battle however, something had caught her eye. Or rather, something missing.

Where had the Rusted Knight gone?

The sound of a slam had rang through the room, turning the heads of all present to the double-door entrance to the chamber. Another slam against the door could be heard, nearly knocking it off it hinges. The two had attempted to put their guard up for whoever was coming, however, they didn’t expect both doors to violently fly open smashing them into the wall. The princess gasped as she watched their broken bodies slump to ground, a trail of blood leaking onto the floor. Looking back towards the door, she was nearly blown away at the sight of their trespasser. Before her stood nonother than the Rusted Knight himself. However, his trek up there had clearly been a trying one, as his chestplate had been slashed and torn apart, revealing his rather broad and muscled chest. With scratches and slight blood sprinkled about, there was no fat or softness that could be spotted from his rippled pecs, all the way down to his tight abs. Looking even lower however, she could see a light outline of what appeared to be his... manhood bulging from his pants. The stories clearly did not do him justice.

The princess could feel her bodies temperature raise at the sight, feeling the need to cool off any way she could. She undid her bolero, dropping to the ground. A soft, sensual moan left her lips as she could feel the cold air from the snow brush up against her now bare shoulders. The coldness failed to cool her off however, it only building up.

Without a second to waste, the Rusted Knight unsheathed his fabled broken sword. Now, many would immediately brush this off as a rather foolish plan. The Rusted Knight however, had built up a legend for a reason. Quickly, he flung his blade directly toward the last guard with blinding speed. The guard didn’t even know what hit him until it was already too late. The blade pierced right through his armor and pinned him right up against the wall. The force of which had nearly blown the princess away, the princess could only moan as she felt the hem of her dress be torn off in the process. She could only imagine how flushed her face must be as she took a look at her now torn dress, making her appear to be not but a harlot.

“Lady Schnow,” A deep voice penetrated through the knight’s rusted helmet. Reaching up, he began to lift his helmet up, much to the shock and anticipation of the princess. A small breath of surprise left her as she gazed upon his face. Before her was man hardened through many battles and hardships. She didn’t know his age, but could guess he was about ten years her elder. Her eyes lingered on his soft-looking, dirty-blonde hair, a few white strands strewn about. There was also his long beard, the thought to run her fingers through it briefly passing through her mind. The most enchanting thing about him however, was his eyes. A beautiful sapphire blue, as clear and as wonderous as the sky itself. Behind them, she could feel a piercing gaze looking straight through her soul.

Dropping his helmet to the ground, the knight began to make his way over to the princess. Standing before her, she is forced to acknowledge his dominating height over her, being a full head taller. “I... am John of the Ark Clan.” Said the now revealed John, taking the princess’ hands into his own as he looked down at her. “Legend of your beauty hath traveled ‘cross the sea.” He stated as he raised a hand to her. Brushing a loose strand off her face, the knight gently caresses her cheek with back of his knuckles, the princess failing to resist shuddering at the action. The heat in her neither region was becoming too much to handle. She desperately needed to sate this desire bubbling up inside of her. The princess knew succumbing to this... brute, would most surely be unbecoming of someone of her status. As well as be something her father would most certainly disown her for. But then again...

She never was particularly a daddy’s girl.

The princess took one more good long look at the man before her, her eyes once again rest on his bulge. She subconsciously bit her lower lip as she brought a finger up to her cheek, giving the knight a rather coy look. She subtly moved her finger over to his bare chest, dragging it down teasingly slow. “And legend of your... longsword, hath traveled here~” She sensually claimed, emphasizing her sentence by grabbing ahold of his “sword”. A gasp left out of the knight, not expecting the princess to so... forward. Unsure what to think at first, the knight gazes down at the princess with growing arousal, a gaze  she happily returns.

“Lady... Thy boldness” He stated, before immediately being silenced by her pressing a finger to his lips. 

“Shusheth!” She shouted. The heat was now unbearable. It must satisfied here and now. And with the growing hardness she is now feeling in her hand, she knew exactly how to do it. There was but a moment of silence between the two, neither moving, or talking. That moment of calm was almost instantly broken however, as the princess immediately leapt into the knights arms, wrapping her legs around his waist. Holding her up by her tight and supple posterior, the two quickly came together for a deep sensual kiss. Their tongues collided in a lustful clash, neither letting up or backing down both as tried to dominate the other.

As this went on, the knight subtly steps closer and closer towards the princess’ large bed. Losing patience however, he leapt them both into the air, crashing down on top the bed, the princess now underneath him. As the two continued their competitive lust-filled kiss, they began disrobing one another, stripping the other of any possible blocks from their body. While this went on however, both neglected to realize not only was the princess’ handmaiden still in the room, but was now watching as the two continued to give in to their base, carnal desires. Completely ignoring her prescience. Instead of feeling awkward however, the faunus couldn’t help but feel her own arousal building at the display. Slowly, she subconsciously reached her hand beneath her skirt, watching them finally rip off every article of clothing they had. 

The knight and princess looked down at one another as they finally separated for a breather, both breathing heavily as they gazed into one another's eyes. The princess let out a gasp as she felt a hot object rub against her naked entrance. Looking down at said object, the blush on her face got even hotter. Gazing back into John’s eyes, she felt like the two didn’t even need words to understand one another. He knew what she wanted. She knew what he wanted. And they both knew the other knew. Princess Schnow looked up at John with a sultry smile, feeling him about to claim her womanhood for himself.

“John of the Ark Clan!-”

Weiss: Wonder me with your massive knightly-!

Yang: Woah woah! Slow your roll there!

Weiss: *Looks up from her story at her team* What’s wrong?

Ruby: Weiss, you never said your story was... f-filthy.

Weiss: Uh, because it isn’t. This is a historically accurate medieval tale... with slight erotic undertones. 

Yang: Oh, there were no slight undertones in the end there.

Weiss: Well, surely you lack the ability to look underneath the surface, as expected from someone as unrefined as you.

Yang: *Quirks an eyebrow* Ok miss refine, tell me this. Why is this story about how you wanna bang Jaune?

Weiss: Excuse me?

Yang: What, I thought that much was pretty obvious.

Weiss: Clearly you thought wrong. This story is about the beautiful princess, Lady Schnow of the Atlesian Kingdom, and the her rescue by the graceful, gentle... *Blushes* skillful hands of the Rusted Knight, John of the Ark Clan. Where did you pick up that it was me and Jaune.

Yang: ... Ok, so there’s a princess?

Weiss: Yes.

Yang: With long white hair, and is called Lady Schnow?

Weiss: Uh huh.

Blake: And there is a rusted knight that has blonde hair with blue eyes?

Weiss: Right.

Ruby: And is named John?

Weiss: ... So there may be some superficial similarities.

Yang: *Rolls her eyes, deciding to give up before she gets a headache*

Blake: Why am I a handmaiden watching you two on the side?

Weiss: First of all, you think just because you both are cat faunus with long black hair, and amber eyes, and collect books must mean I based her off you? Conceited much?

Blake: I’m being conceited here?

Weiss: Second of all, it helped to add to the fiery passion built up in that scene.

Blake:  And a faunus handmaid because...?

Weiss: Historical accuracy.

Yang: Alright, I think Ruby and I had our fill for the day. *Grabs Ruby’s hood and begins dragging her out*

Weiss: But I haven’t finished yet. I was just about to get to how Lady Schnow undoes John’s pants to reveal-

Yang: Later!

Ruby: B-but I wanna-!

(Slam!)

Weiss: *Sighs in defeat and prepares to pack away her story. Only to see Blake having not moved from her seat*

Weiss: Oh, you’re still here?

Blake: Yeah. I actually want to hear where this goes. *Casually settles in her seat* Continue.

Weiss: *Smiles* Glad to see someone in this team has taste. *Clears her throat as she resumes, only just scratching the surface of her depraved tale*

(Kindergarten)

Bleiss: Hey, teach. Get the Molasses out of your ass and bring me that juice, will ya? You one mile an hour, walking, no-running ass, feet draggin' turtle, son of a bitch!

Port: Now, Bleiss, you can't go your entire life insulting people like that.

Bleiss: The hell I can, you bitch-ass, toupee wearin', fisheye'd, two year college degree earnin', no wife and kids havin', mustard stain on his shirt, kindergarten teachin' ass-

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(Graduation)

Bleiss: Diploma handin', dress wearin', funny hat-ass-

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(To Mirror)

Bleiss: First generation of your family to get into Beacon-ass-

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(Watching Jaune Get a Coffee)

Bleiss: Love at first sight ass, three sugars, two creams in a coffee-

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(First Date)

Bleiss: First date having, romantically compatible-ass, adorable man, hung like a-

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(Jaune Proposes)

Bleiss: Making me the happiest woman in the world ass-

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(Wedding Vows)

Bleiss: Love of my life-ass, til death do us part, I do, vow n'ring wearin'-

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(Pregnant)

Bleiss: Tiny embryonic-ass, no finger prints havin', third trimester, son of a-

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(To First-Born)

Bleiss: Beautiful ass, umbilical cord cuttin', little dick havin'-

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(Father & Son Playing Catch)

Bleiss: Bitch-ass, no baseball catchin'-

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(Son's Graduation)

Bleiss: Summa cumme laude, straight A's, makin' me proud-ass-

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(College Visit)

Bleiss: Cats in the cradle ass-

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(Grandchild)

Bleiss: First grandchild-ass, life begets life-ass, diaper full of shit stinkin'-

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(Final Moments)

Bleiss: Touchin' ass, surrounded by loved ones ass, wouldn't change a goddamn thing, makin' me cry-ass, mother fucking ready for death-ass... Me... shiiiit...

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(Years later)

Before her grave, Bleiss' grandchild looks upon their beloved grandmother's final resting place. Suddenly, an incredibly decrepit old man walks up to their side.

Port: Wow, I can't believe she actually did it. She was rude her whole life.

Grandchild: You knew my grandma?

Port: *Sighs as he pulls out the juice box she demanded from him all those years ago* She called me a bitch... *Empties out juice onto grave*

Grandchild: *Looks at Port perturbed before walking away* Weird, senile-ass, prune juice drinkin'-ass, mustard stain on his shirt...

Gravedigger: Grave's all ready sir.

Port: Great! *Falls back into grave*

I mean... Is this even a contest

Jaune: Alright, General, I've landed.

Ironwood: Great work, Arc. Commencing Operation Flying Arcs.

Jaune: You got it. But first, let me get something to eat. *Rummages through bag*

Ironwood: ...

Jaune: Why isn't there food in my bag?

Ironwood: Well, we had to make room for your medicine, bandages, dust-

Jaune: Ok, that's great. What the fuck am I supposed to eat?

Ironwood: ...

Jaune: No.

Ironwood: Arc.

Jaune: I'm not eating a fucking tree frog.

Ironwood: This is what you were trained for.

Jaune: Why don't you eat a Tree Frog?

Ironwood: No... I don't want to.

Jaune: Exactly. So you better be sending me some goddamn luchables.

Ironwood: Arc, those don't even exist in this world.

Jaune: I'm fighting a lady with a Grimm arm who shoots fire out of her fingertips, a mutated human Grimm hound, and Ozpin's magical, immortal, Grimm ex. But luchables, that's where we draw the line?

Ironwood: *Sighs* Fine. I'll get you your lunchables.

Jaune: *Smiles* Bitchin'