Internet Grammar

Internet grammar

The way we use the Internet has fundamentally changed the way we use language. That's a pretty obvious observation, sure, but there's subtleties that some people may not pick up on.

If you were to give any formal writer a deep look into these kinds of changes, there would probably be lots of cringing involved. But if there were a person who could catalog the new ways people have shaped language, it would actually help in being a much more effective writer. It would be especially useful for things like public relations, advertising, or blogging. I'm not just saying this to help people attract the "young, hip" crowd - I'm bringing this up because it seems no one else has extensively looked at these trends.

Consider the following example. I'm writing an IM to someone I know. This person just sent me a picture that I don't get, so I inquire:

"What is that?"

There's a few different ways this can be altered by looking at just punctuation and capitalization, and they really change the way someone might read it.

"What is that?" - most inquisitive, mildly serious, a touch formal "What is that" - almost matter-of-factly stated "what is that" - muffled, least serious, monotone

These are the ways I read it, and it may be different from others, but the subtleties are there among everyone's writing styles. Other, more deviant variants include:

"wat" - joking, possibly sarcastic "What." - joking but still heavily inquisitive "What is THAT." - most serious, threatening tone "What is that...?" - trailing, most confused

I could go on and on about each particular part of the variations, how they play off each other, where they apply to more formal instances... but I think the point is pretty clear.

These are fairly recent phenomena for the most part, so it's possible that people haven't had the time to really look at them. However, I think that it would be a huge benefit to do so, even if different people may use them slightly differently. If nothing else, it'd make for an interesting study.

You know what? My life is actually going pretty swell right now.

It’s the beginning of a brand-new quarter. I have a couple of friends in all of my classes, and we’re all working on the homework together. While I don’t have a job yet, I have money for rent this month, and a supportive family for groceries. I’ve been posting mildly regularly, and finding things to say even in real-life conversation. I’m spending time with my friends, and even cooking for them sometimes. Most of all, I’m safe, happy, and well-fed.

I suppose it’s about time for something to come along and screw that up, right? I mean, it IS a little quiet around here. Quiet enough that, normally, life would give me a slap in the face right about now. Like maybe someone steals my wallet? Or one of my classes suddenly changes its homework policy. Or, ooh, maybe the house catches fire! I dunno, some catastrophe like that.

Or maybe I’ve finally settled in. Who knows? It’s kinda sad I’ve become so pessimistic.

I've gotten into a bad habit of not forming opinions of things anymore.

Asking the opinion of someone with a working social disorder is a recipe for disaster. If the two don't agree, it almost always becomes a spirited debate, and that requires a lot of energy. In my case, I usually end up tired and frustrated, ruining the rest of my day. Either that, or I can't formulate my arguments right (because of how-do-I-social disorder), and then I say something completely wrong, which the opposing party latches on to and beats me over the head with.

Even if we agree, the discussion doesn't stop there - no, we discuss why we agree, and the above still applies. At best I come out of it exhausted, at worst we disagree on a minor point and I have to tell the other person to stop for the sake of my sanity. Of course it never stops immediately and by this point I'm so irritated I end up yelling at the other person who clearly is just being nice about the whole thing and we just get angry and all I want to do is STOP--

...okay, deep breath... whew~

So what's the easy answer? Not having opinions, of course. Not even being able to see both sides or anything like that - just not having an opinion whatsoever. And it seems that I've gotten so sick of debate that my brain has chosen this route.

At first glance this seems like it might actually be a good idea... except for the part where my opinions of things are crucial to my understanding of them. If I like something, it has added to my life in some way - I've laughed at it, or learned something new, or grown from it. I like it because of these things. Even things I dislike at least show me what not to do in the future.

When I don't decide whether I like something or not, my brain doesn't register that any of these things have happened. It had no impact; it's become a worthless consumable. I might as well have never done the thing in the first place.

I suppose I should kick this habit early so I can continue to have opinions. Maybe somewhere along the way, I can learn to articulate them better. If I get good enough, I could do blogpost-like exposition on the fly! Maybe. It'll take a while.

...did I just discuss my opinion of opinions?

Some days I wonder what it would be like to get inside someone's head, to see things from their point of view and in the way they understand.

Other days I remember how little of myself I actually show people, and the things I don't want them to see; and then I know it would be a terrible idea.

friend: i'm here for you if you ever need me!

me: *needs friend*

me: i probably shouldn't bother them

“This week I’m gonna get out and be social again! I’m gonna make new friends and smile at passersby and chat up my friends and be a ray of sunshine to everyone!”

the other six days of the week: “Shut up with all the noise, leave me alone”