My Love For You Floods My DNA And When I Lay On My Pillow, I Hope You Fly To Me Like A Blue Parrot In

My love for you floods my DNA and when I lay on my pillow, I hope you fly to me like a blue parrot in June. 

Hungry

Hunger

Wanting to eat   But being told you can’t By the army of voices in your mind Growing louder with every pang in your stomach And you want to eat, you really do, but you’re scared  Of what will happen if you disobey the rules and have Just one bite of the food in front of you. Hungry. 

Dreaming of...You

Am I dreaming The way your touch Ghosts over my skin Makes me feel alive And plants a garden In the barren land within? Am I dreaming The way you soothe My hair away from a forehead Drenched in sweat caused by nightmares That torment and leave me rawer than Burnt skin from touching a pot too hot on a stove? Am I dreaming When you take my hand Tracing galaxies across my veins And whispers secrets in my ear that Make me giggle and the fog clear? Am I dreaming? You are too good to be true Eyes like honey soaking me In their amber waves as they Roam my body and soothe away The blisters from where I trying Too hard to hold onto things I should really let go. Am I dreaming The way you press Your lips to mine Hold my breath And count to nine As you fill my lungs with Oxygen resuscitating the lifeless Tissue with your breath? Choking, I inhale and suddenly,  I’m alive again. Am I dreaming? 

Loving you 

Is like jumping Into a frozen lake. Breathtaking.

The version of you right now is deserving of love. Not you two years ago when you had more of your shit together, or the five years later version where you’ll surely be thriving. The version of you right now. The one that might just be okay, or is really struggling, or is bored and unproductive. That version deserves love. Having trouble accepting this is fine, but actively denying it is not. Your value is intrinsic, and finding confidence in that is mandatory.

Some days it feels like I’m dying Each breath dry and lacking anything to sustain me Dehydrated lips trying to remember the taste of your name Upon them. Some days I feel like I’m dying Like my soul has shriveled up And my heart quit and didn’t Hand in its pink slip. Some days it feels like I’m dying The magic in my veins all dried up And gone away with the winds of my Inner turmoil and hatred laced thoughts Of doom, fake love, and bloody dreams too. Some days it feels like I’m just a husk of a human Going through the motions but never Really truly feeling them Violet-blue veins running Down the insides of my arms Visible and stark against the pale Tint of my skin—don’t judge me— I haven’t seen the sun in weeks. Some days I feel like I'm dying Like my insides are going to explode And leave me exposed, wounds gaping Heart racing, begging someone to just...care. Don't worry, it not physical this need To implode, let off steam, and let The world get a taste of the real me. It's all in my mind--I mean-- I guess it's my mind, that's what the doctor Told me when I was nine so it must be mine My fault that is. Some days I feel like I'm dying But I haven't died yet so I must still be alive So that must account for something right? Right?

I'm still here Standing on my own two feet A smile bequeathed upon my cheeks Pale with lack of sleep and the need To eat but my stomachs in knots so I just Keep running away from the obvious as Tendrils of black, inky, death furl around my heart

And squeeze and squeeze and-- I'm still standing despite the fact That some days I feel like I'm dying.