Bp1 - Tumblr Posts

When have I ever been first?

A question for the ages.

As a tot in my mothers arms,

I was still only second 

To the plants she kept on the sill,

And as I grew I became second

To various things more;

To the state of the house,

To income and money,

To my older, healthier sister,

To my father and his "quirks".

No room to call my own,

No privacy to speak of,

No emotions allowed past curfew.

I thought that maybe,

When I'm out,

It'll be over,

But it only gets worse.

My health is secondary 

To various whims,

My sleep is secondary

To deafening hymns,

My suffering is secondary

To what's displayed on the screen,

And no emotions allowed past curfew.

Sure, I am primary for myself.

This would be nice, if not for

How Ill I am,

And the fact that i cannot

Prioritize myself, since i cannot 

Do everything myself,

And so I'm dependent 

On being the top priority

Of external persons

Who never prioritized me once.

Of those who walk past me,

Often looking through.

Being bipolar be like *triggers manic episode* *accused of faking* *surfeit of withdrawal symptoms when skipping meds* *feeling humiliated in the aftermath of all the stupid shit you’ve done in public* *sleeping for 15+ hours straight when depressed* *threats from everyone to be hospitalized*