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CHAT IM GOING CRAZY WERE THE FUCK DO I FIND THE NEW BSD CHAPTHER IN ENGLISH PLSPLSPLS
This looks like a ceiling fan on the loose💀
now kids, remember that if you rotate the blorbos too hard you might obliterate humanity
A short analysis about BSD Fyodor Dostoevsky and the lies he tells to himself
Fyodor is a good liar. He prides himself over being able to convince anyone in anything. He enjoys knowing that he can control someone's reality and influence it to the point it will bend according to his will. And so far the biggest victim of it is… Him.
You see, Fyodor likes being helpful, knowing how to fix and problem-solve stuff. He likes having a positive impact. Why? His whole charade of "helping the Devine Being" is the only way he can convince himself to stay alive, that he's life is worthy of living, no matter how much he sins.
He is… Helping. Right? Yes, he is harming people in the present, but "future" people will thank him. And even if they don't, "God" will.
That's the lie Fyodor tells to himself to ease his consciousness. And he knows he lies, this is why he is so deeply angry, resentful and self-hating inside. But Dostoy can't stop since his ability to resist a quick-fix relief is about zero. (That's why he lashes out at the whole world for the things HE's done and keeps doing).
Aya is a perfect example. Since Fyodor inherited Bram's body he also got "infected" with his desire to protect her. And so Dostoy pretended to go alone with this desire, even kneeling in front of Aya and declaring that he would continue to fullfil his nightly duties and protect her, even if she would have to become the last surviving human on Earth.
But here we are, in the very next chapter, and Aya is alone, completely abandoned, about to be crushed by concrete bricks. And all because of the attack Fyodor unleashed. Luckily, the OG Bram shows up and Aya is fine for now.
But what does it says about Fyodor? Well, he has spent around decades bulshiting himself about what he wants. Just to make his guilt stin a little bit less, he pretends and lies even to himself.
"I'm gonna protect you, Aya" - and then he runs off without checking in on her, sabotaging his knightly duties, secretly hoping this freshly-created bond with her will disappear so it won't sabotage his frail sens of self & sanity.
Fyodor treats the world the way he treats Aya. He "saves" it by leaving it to die, and when the World doesn't die fast enough, Fyodor gives it another push and a tag.
What Dostoy is actually doing is punishing the world for NOT SAVING him. It's very likely, that the world didn't "save" Fyodor when he needed it the most (probably some parental abuse, religious trauma, adult punishing him for being a "devil" or smth).
So since the "salvation" that was offered to Fyodor was violent religion-based abuse, now he returns this salvation ten fold. To exteranlize his self-hatred, feel in control, get sense of relief, etc.
But what's interesting the Fyodor DOESN'T want to acknowledge it continuously. No, he does not.
Because Fyodor spent 100+ years banking on the fact that "God" loved him, "God" chose him, "God" gave him a mission. "God" existed. So it was ok to hurt humans for the higher purpose, because even if whole world hated Fyodor, "God" would not.
But what does Fyodor's "God" love? Perfect, beautiful stuff, that moves according to the plan. Fyodor does neither of that. He spent decades f*cking around with humanity, pushing his trauma into it's face, hoping to be "punished", hoping to be "saved".
So if Dostoy acknowledges this, he will have have to admit God won't like him. And after what he has done, no one would either. Gogol and some followers did like and admired the perfect, all-knowing version of Fyodor. The image he presented to them. But that's not him, or not all of him, at least.
"Real" Fyodor is a scared, dependent, angry, sinful human who's terrified of letting go of control so he clings to his ideology and still gives in into his sins over over.
"Real" Fyodor might not even exist. Or at least, the way he's now, he isn't be able to comprehend "what" or "who" he is either. That's why Dostoy needs his role of a "saviour-Devil" so much. That's the only way he can defy himself now.
And knowing that would break him. Because Fyodor still cares about his place amidst humanity. He cherishes his title "Demon" as if it's a compliment. He WANTS to be acknowledged for the impact he has on the world. He wants to have a cause.
Fyodor sayid to the Nikolai that he "didn't need praise". But it was a lie as well. He just needed a very specific, tailor-made praise for his ego. He wanted to be praised for being a "martyr", who "tortured" himself by becoming sinful. He wanted to be reunited with humanity, embraced by it, but since it was impossible on Earth, he wanted to send everyone to Heaven. That's the price he expected from the "God" for purifying humanity. Being among humans again. Being a human who's valued and loved by everyone else.
But what if his sky-daddy didn't give it to him? What if he didn't care? That would be scary. So Fyodor keeps happily skipping around, causing world-wide distraction, hoping that it eventually amounts to something. Something wounderful.
You know how Jesus turned water into wine?
Bsd Fyodor aims for something higher. He does all of this violence, hoping that it will miraculously save everyone. And save him. Somehow.
English is not my first, sorry for typos
I put "God" in quotation marks, because Fyodor's "God" isn't everyone's God or any kind of devine being. It's something completely different.
Fyodor and his God. How does Dostoevsky see him? BSD analysis.
God is the only entity Dostoevsky seems to love genuinely. So I've been cracking my brain up about how Fyodor "experiences" His presence. What he imagines God as.
As a bright light? A warm embrace? What else?
One thing for sure: Fyodor's faith is strong. And I think that it's partially due to how many near-death experiences he had.
Some people report seeing visions of the heaven/loved ones/afterlife in the moment of dying. What they see differs from person to person, but it's often connected to the collective subconscious and has some religious undertones. In the moments like this brain's working overtime to increase it's gamma activities and problem-solve it's way out of death. It almost feels like dreaming.
I wounder, how many of these dreamy visions Fyodor saw. How many times did he fly through the dark tunnel towards the heavenly light and only to "woke up" in his new body? How many times did he come close to "attaining" God and then was pulled away into his earthly existence again?
It probably cemented his beliefs in Paradise, and the fact that at least some people go there when they die.
Maybe, Dostoevsky's special ability has somehow influenced the way he views God too. And it's also shaped the way in which Fyodor eventually plans to "unite" with Him.
You know, Dostoevsky's whole gist is to get killed, then "fused" with his killer, replace them and then adopt some aspects of their personality?
It goes like this:
Someone kills him -> Fyodor respawns -> He absorbs some of the feelings of the person who tried to murder him before
It's an automatic response created by his ability. Dostoy lived through it over and over. It's probably imprinted into his subconsciousness.
And what's God? Traditionally, he's seen as all-embracing love, forgiveness and peace.
What if Dostoevsky thinks that if "God" kills him, he will get to experience all of this?
He will act so horribly and sinfully that God will try to kill him… Personally. Will he be able to "fuse" with God, using his ability? And become the "love, light, peace" he earned to experience for eternity?
Does it mean that "God's" presence will entirely erase Fyodor's personality and overpower him, so he would no longer have to be a sinner and an ability user?
Maybe, being "killed" by God is a way for Fyodor to return his soul to where it belongs.
Nikolai fought against God in order to lose the sight of himself.
Fyodor fought for God in order to become one with him. And probably lose the sight of himself as well.
It's interesting, how they have similar goals of self-erasure, but go about them in the opposite ways.
No wounder Gogol thought of them as besties.
Major furry alert!
WHAT IF FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY WILL BE KILLED BY AN ANIMAL?
How will it work out? Will he get reincarnated into an animal body, and it will turn into a human one somehow?
Or maybe, just maybe, we'll get some more interesting combinations? 😏 A hybrid? With one half-animal and one half-human part?
Also, will Fyodor get infected with animal habits or behaviors? Will he start craving grass or hunt for prey? Will he get a sudden urge to walk on all fours? Will he start sniffing stuff or make animal noises?
Just think about it. What if the one who kills Fyodor is an insect.
WHAT. IF. FYODOR. GETS. TAKING OUT… BY AN INFECTED MOSQUITO 🦟? (they transfer many diseases)
MOSQUITO FYODOR.
He goes Zzz for the crimes you did. You can't hide from him. No one's safe anymore. A true menace to the world.
if Verlaine won't do it then Karl will
(as promised, @crowatyourwindow )
I TOLD YOU GUYS ATSUSHI WOILD SAVE US💪💪💪💪🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅