Cursed Food - Tumblr Posts

Work Food Aesthetics ✨

(It's tap from the emergency eyewash station)

Work Food Aesthetics ✨

The Breakfast of champions~

ive just made the Bowl of Flavor. have you ever wanted salty, sweet, tangy, spicy amazing bowl of goodness? with more flavors then you can imagine? please my family is scared of me.

Cheesecake

I made it in 30 minutes, I love it

Eyeball cookies

How to make:

Step 1: gouge out any pairs of eyes, enough to have 10 cookies. Do not use the eyes of the dead. Wash them in cold water and dry them carefully, but not completely

Step 2: roll the eyeballs in sugar and then shape them with dough. Don't make them too big or else they won't cook evenly and the eyes will get buried

Step 3: place the eyeballs in the oven for 15 minutes at 150° degrees until the crust is flesh tone and the eyes are glossy. You've cooked the eyeball cookies for too long when they're bloodshot

Step 4: decorate with cream, coconut, chocolate, or whatever assortments you have. Do not use lemon

Step 5: garnish with eye drops, about 1-2 drops for each eye. For a lemon-y taste, make it 4-5 drops for each eye

Do not apply salt to this dish. Doing so will make the eyeballs shrink. Eyeball cookies are naturally nutty, but if you wish to add almonds, cashews or unsalted peanuts, go right ahead :)

Thornheart cake pops

WARNING: POISONOUS CONTENTS

How to make:

Step 1: harvest the heart of a thornheart beast. Be wary of its poisonous spines. Make sure you use thorn-proof gloves and handle with extreme care

Step 2: wash and scrub the heart with a fresh food brush until the purple film sloughs off. Do not reuse the brush, throw it away after you're done

Step 3: cut divets into each spine so the poison can drain and soak the heart for six hours in ice cold sugar water. Once the poison has dissolved, the water should turn black

Step 4: wash off the heart, skew it, and chill it in the freezer for another six hours. It'll turn blue and sparkly when it's ready to come out

Thornheart is bitter and not for the faint of heart. It's outside will be crunchy, but the inside will be soft and doughy, and although the spines are no longer poisonous after prep, they can still stick you if you're not careful. They're edible, but you can remove them so you don't die

Monster donuts

WARNING: LIVE CONTENTS

How to make:

Step 1: prepare some monster dough. This can be harvested from the doughweed trap. It'll smell a bit rancid, but that can be treated with a few drops of lemon or lime

Step 2: knead the dough until it purrs. Once the dough is happy, add 5 tsp of sugar and 1 tsp of salt. Knead again and repeat

Step 3: gather the eyes. These can be harvested from the eyevine plant. Be careful not to squish them, they're fragile

Step 4: wash the eyes in warm water and keep them covered in a damp towel until you have to use them. They'll be blinking

Step 5: return to the dough and feed it some monster food. You should be able to find this at your grocery store. If not, it's just blood meal. This will plump the dough and prep the yeast

Step 6: mold the dough into donuts and place the eyes, then load your batch into the oven for 30 minutes at 350° degrees. Do not open the oven before they're done or they'll sink and disperse deadly spores

Step 7: decorate the donuts with frosting, chocolate, nuts, sprinkles, or glaze. Do not cover the pores or else the donuts will rot

It is recommended you own a doughweed trap before attempting this dish. Do not jelly these donuts as it will compromise their pores, and do not pull their teeth. You'll know you've baked them right when you bite into them and they don't scream. If they do, return them to the doughweed. The plant will turn them back into dough :)

Toothfairy cake

How to make:

Step 1: gather dusk flour, bluejay eggs, bone milk, a tooth fairy, and any assortment of teeth. Dusk flour can be obtained from the dusk lily. You'll have to catch your own tooth fairy, but be sure to catch it alive for fresher extracts

Step 2: begin with beating the eggs, then add a bit of bone milk and pour in a good portion of dusk flour. If you plan on making your cake multilayered, you'll need a few pounds more of the material included

Step 3: pour a bit of fairy blood into the batter and mix it all together until it turns blue or pink. If it turns white, best feed it to the ants

Step 4: put the batter into the oven for 30 minutes at 350° degrees. Take them out when the crust is spewing sparkles. Do not touch the sparkles, they will burn you

Step 5: set out all your layers and let them cool for an hour. Do not let anyone or anything touch the cake in this state or it will wither and crumble

Step 6: crush the fairy bones into meal and mix with the leftover blood until wispy and light, then coat the cake in the mixture. Be thorough so the layers look seamless

Step 7: begin adding the teeth according to size and frost the gums into the cake. Gums have a slight curvature against the jaw bone if you want to go for realism

Step 8: sprinkle a ring of sugar or honey around the top and then put the fairy's skull in the middle. Add candles if the occasion suits

Step 9: add flowers such as lavender, lilies or pansies for the finishing touches

You can decorate the teeth with jewelry such as glitter, charms or braces if you want, same for the cake. If this cake is outdoors, cover it or else it'll attract hoards of butterflies!

Steamed tonguelings

WARNING: LIVE CONTENTS

How to make:

Step 1: gather blood radish, bookah broth, the beard of a dragon, and tonguelings. You'll need five for this dish and they'll need to be picked wild. The broth can be milked from the three-horned bookah, and the radish can be found in the bloodwood forest. As for the beard of a dragon, about a pound of hair will do

Step 2: boil a pot of salt water and soak the dragon's beard for 15 minutes. The water will turn cloudy when the hair's been sterilized. The strands will swell and become noodles that you then wash in a strainer

Step 3: wash the blood radish and begin chopping it up into thin slices. Watch out for the blood inside, it stains clothes. Wash each slice thoroughly to clean off any remaining blood

Step 4: begin seasoning the broth with your choice of spices. Make sure you keep it warm at all times or else it'll become slimy and tasteless

Step 5: now for the tonguelings. Use a steamer if you have one, and cook them for about 10 minutes on high heat. They'll let you know when they're done when they start peeping

Step 6: boil another pot of water and pour all prepped food in, except for the tonguelings. Stir for 5 minutes on low heat then add everything to a bowl. Place the tonguelings on top, and side them with the radish slices

Tonguelings are savory creatures with really tasty flesh that sweats sauce when slapped with humidity. They're eaten live to guarantee their freshness, but you ought to eat them quickly or risk having your dinner run off O_o

Calypsian banquet

WARNING: LIVE CONTENTS / RAW MEAT

How to make:

Step 1: aquire clubsquid, grussel eggs, and an abyssal clam. Exercise caution while wrestling the clubsquid, you'll find it in the black shallows. Grussel eggs can be found in the cracks of reefs, and the abyssal clam requires a deep dive. Everything will need to be live and kept in ice once caught

Step 2: starting with the squid, wash off the animal while avoiding being grabbed by it's spiked tentacles, then very quickly chop off the head. Chop off the tentacles and their suckers, and rewash them. Set the rest of the squid back on the ice

Step 3: wearing gloves, run the grussel eggs under hot water until the really slimy, thick fat layer melts away. They'll darken once the flesh is exposed to the air, and the umbilical feelers will reach out. Do not use a food brush and do not pluck the feelers

Step 4: when handling the abyssal clam, watch your fingers. This animal has teeth and a very strong jaw. Also using gloves, wash it off in hot water and stick a knife between its lips to begin cracking it open. Work the knife all the way around and then over again, until you hear an air release

Step 5: dry off the clam and set it on a dry surface, then pry open the jaw. You'll see it's tongue and an eyeball will emerge from inside. Further back will be it's heart and other organs, you won't need these. Quickly cut out the organs and set them aside on the ice

Step 6: put out a long plate and place the tentacles, the grussel eggs, and the clam, and garnish the dish with a kelp plume. If anything is slimy, wash it off before placing unless you prefer that consistency. As for the organs, they too are edible, but not recommended for eating since they'll be full of blood and other overpowering substances

Make sure to set this dish on ice if your guests haven't arrived yet. Considering everything is raw, anything warm is a breeding ground for bacteria and food poisoning can occur if not handled properly!

I made about half a gallon(I drank some.) of Kool-Aid with milk instead of water. I didn’t feel like changing the water filter. It tasted pretty good ngl.