Fuck The World - Tumblr Posts
sim. desativando o Twitter de novo pois toda vez preciso me explicar sobre uma situação pra uma pessoa que não tem nada a ver. eu poderia ate ignorar, mas essa pessoa tem uma certa relação com uma pessoa que eu estou tendo uma relação kkk.
I want to be loved.
Maybe this is a weak statement
But I can't help it.
I have never been touched.
Desired for my soul.
No one wanted me
But then again
I could never love myself.
For all my ego
For all my worship at the alter of myself
I still could not understand
How someone could want me.
I was a lie
And didn't even know it.
A lost little child
So repressed
I couldn't even see my own reflection.
Now I am trying to get back to me;
The honest self
Free from every last goddamn thing.
Just me
That little girl
Who never had a chance
To dress up pretty
Or just be herself.
I want more than what I have been given;
More than what I have allowed myself.
A long road walk
But I am here when it is done.
So I leave
And breathe
Put on make-up and get dressed up.
Make my day to day worth living
And in so doing
Figure out
What life's about.
So love me
Hate me
Fuck me
Ignore me.
I can't make sense of anything;
I'm making it all up
As I go.
Exist
As I want to exist.
All we have are ourselves.
Are you really going to listen to me?
Walking out
I feel all eyes on me.
Not in the way I always dreamed
But as if I were a wicked thing.
Some abomination accursed of god
Defiant
Apostate
Resolute before all creation.
I feel scared,
Naked,
Raw,
Some tiny thing in the middle of a field
As the wolves do prowl.
Before,
I'd have run away.
Locked myself in my room
Hiding who I was.
I'd have cried
Loathing how wrong I felt
How off my body was
To the vision I held in hope.
Not now.
Yes I am scared.
Yes
I get nervous
But I don't care any more.
I want to dress how I want to dress
Flaunt the beauty I recognize in me.
Show too much leg
Wear sheer blouses
Take pride in my curves and lack there of.
I want to live and love freely in the open.
Be seen and acknowledged as existing.
I have already spent years hiding from myself.
I'm done giving in and lying down.
.
And each day it gets easier.
Not that the struggle loses its bite.
I just love myself more
Take pride in myself more
And grow steadily more incapable
Of ever settling again
Me walking past the bedroom.
My god the bed looks comfy..... just 5 minutes.
*Lays down*
Yeah, cancel all plans. I'm not fucking getting up again.
Yes now make happy chemical!
Hi brain, you obstinate fucker. I drank the clear splashy stuff. I ate the green things. I went under that bright fucker up there. I did the thing with the moving and sweating and whatnot. Now make the happy chemical, you lump of fuck.
cw: vent-ish post / acting like an ignorant fuck as mockery
remember kids, any form of social deviance, such being born wrong (ie. as a woman, a non-white, a neurodivergent, a queer) means that you're not exactly fully human and can be talked about in such a way. this is normal and you shouldn't feel bad about it. token characters in media are always liked after all. the dominant ideology would never fucking ever be wrong and allow for anything truly bad.
