Lonlyness - Tumblr Posts
is it something i lost?
Remember
No one is looking for you
Is the real world worth it?
When you've been alone for so long that making connections with other people feels wrong and uncomfortable. Like an itchy too tight shirt.
You've created this little world inside your room with everything you need to simulate human interaction that real people feel fake now.
Pillows for late night cuddles with that special person, heated blankets for body warmth, different colognes and perfumes on shirts bigger than you that make you feel like you belong to someone.
Stories and games that you immerse yourself in and getting closer the characters that you feel you would never have with real people. It's terrifying. Thinking your little bubble has everything you need that when you do try to reach out, to pop that bubble, you be disappointed in the real world.
It's terrifying, the real world, but is worth it when I have all I ever need right here. When I've built my whole life expecting to be alone forever to cope with the fact that no one wants me, because I've never tried.
Hay personas que las que es mejor dejarlas afuera de tu vida para estar en paz contigo mismo.
I know I am capable of many difficult things, but I have yet to learn how to forge deep and long lasting connections with others.
My whole life, I’ve begged the universe to let me have even just one person that I will be lucky to be close with. Just one person who will stay. I’ve never had a best friend before. Never had someone where I don’t have to translate every word of my soul just to be understood.
Maybe I haven’t found them because I’m not yet where I’m meant to be. I know I have to keep growing, but can’t I be worthy as I am?
I see it happening all around me. I see the hard work and effort people put into their friendships. I see the good and the bad.
I try so hard to be kind, thoughtful, respectful, authentic, and still I can’t help but feel like I’m being punished. Like I’m still doing everything wrong.
I talk too much and have few words to say. Even online, It’s very hard to find people.
What am I missing? Is there something in myself that only I can’t see?
I try to be strong. I try to be content with my own company. But sometimes it’s really lonely.
Will things ever get better again? Idk,but I wish I had a friend to do things with. My anxiety halts my excitement for all the things I want to do. Even just going for a long walk. *Sigh. I guess if I'm honest with myself,I am lonely. I have my Son, but he's 18. He's creating his own life. I can't put my wants on to him. And my mum , she's 67 and housebound. She's a riot, and I love chilling with her,but she's not going to be going for a hike any time soon. I just don't meet people doing the stuff that I do. And because of the anxiety/paranoia I always have my earphones in with my music up loud, or my head in my phone looking through Reddit, Imgur,or here. I really hope things change soon for the better. And I have to get a cat to make my new flat a home. Now breath. 🖤🤍🐈⬛🐈