Lotr Shitpost - Tumblr Posts
My favourite LotR headcanon is that the existence of hobbits implies the existence of bits, creatures so small they are harder to find than someone wearing the One Ring.
You totally in love with male characters who have long white hair even if you know nothing about them^^
Me to the elves in The Rings of Power
I hear you my friend
"Not all those wander are lost."
Yeah that sounds pretty cool but I'm actually lost
Please help me
Thorin: -Cutting off Azogs hand in battle.-
Y/N: "Shoulda gone for the head."
Thorin: ????
Thanos: -Sneezes-
Smaug: "No blade can pierce me!"
Bard: -appears with a black arrow-
Y/n: "Okay so are we gonna do it this movie or the next one?"
Bard: "What?"
Y/N: "I'm just saying, if you're not gonna kill him now, then why show us the damn arrow."
The company: "Movie? What's a movie?."
Imagine being there when Kili gets rescued by Tauriel
Tauriel: -Appears to save Kili-
Y/N: Mommy?? Sorry, Mommy?"
Tauriel: "I- I have no child?..."
Company: -Visibly confused-
Legolas: "Would you like me to shoot it in the face Tauriel."
Y/N: "Shutup Elsa I'm not talking to you."
Imagine Y/N arriving at Rivendell with the hobbits.
Frodo: "I am ready to go home."
Y/N: "Yeah well if you were we wouldn't have two more movies to get through"
The Hobbits: "What?"
Legolas: "Wait, I know your face. I know you! You are the mortal who called me Ella!"
Y/N: "It's Elsa"
Imagine Y/N sitting at the council of Rivendell with Legolas.
Boromir: "Why not use this ring?" -continues speech-
-While Boromir talks-
Y/N(quietly): "On a scale from one to ten my friend you're fucked."
Legolas: "Language Mellon."
Imagine the reactions of the fellowship when Y/N took the blade for Frodo on Weathertop (Amon Sûl)
Elrond: My dear child you would have died. You do not possess the gift of immortality, must you be as reckless as you are? You are not of this world!
Y/N: *grinning* Nah she'll be right. I'm fine aren't I?
Legolas: *walks in* You look terrible. As you would after a near death experience.
Y/N: You call it a near death experience. I call it a vibe check from God.
Aragorn: *Bursts into laughter*
Gandalf: *Stares pointedly* Yes.. not of this world.
Legolas: *is visibly confused* Are we talking about her recklessness or her beauty?
Y/N: >_> Ummm anyways, when are we leaving?
Incorrect quotes #1
Boromir: Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king.
Y/N: *whispers* Mad cause bad.
Legolas and Aragorn: *suppresses grins*
Incorrect quotes #2
Boromir: One does not simply walk into Mordor. It's black gates are guarded by more than just orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep.
Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn: Neither does Y/N, what's your point.
Y/N: *Sarcastically* Oh no you got me!!
Imagine Y/N sitting at the council of Rivendell while everyone is arguing
Y/N: *quietly singing the McDonald's theme song*
Gandalf: I don't suppose you want to break this up for us?
Y/N *whispers* Nah, you and I both know that's Frodo's thing. Don't ruin his big moment.
Gandalf: Very well
20 seconds later
Frodo: I will take it!!
Gandalf: I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins. As long as it is yours to bear.
Aragorn: If by my life or death I can protect you.. I will. You have my sword. *turns to Y/N*
Y/N: *whispers* Do I have to? Can't I stay here with the pretty elv-
Aragorn: *shoulders Y/N* Yes.
Y/N: *sighs* And I will follow, but only if I get to call Legolas and Gimli, Elsa and Anna.
Legolas: Again the young maiden speaks words that I do not understand. *Turns to Frodo* You have my bow.
Gimli: And my axe.
Boromir: You carry the fate of us all little one-
Y/N: *interrupts* Alright yadda yadda can we go? I didn't eat breakfast.
Imagine Y/N giving the answer to the riddle at the doors of Moria
Gandalf: *muttering spells at the door*
Frodo: Can Gandalf open the door?
Legolas: If not Gandalf then who? Surely the dwarf knows the key to his kin's door.
Gimli: *grumbles*
Merry and Pippin: *throwing rocks into the water*
Aragorn: *hurriedly* Do not disturb the water.
The Hobbits: *turns to Y/N*
Y/N: Don't touch the water little ones. You need not disturb it. You know not what the depths of the abyss holds.
The hobbits: *surprised to see Y/N serious*
Frodo: It's a riddle is it not?
Y/N: Correct my dear.
Legolas: Then pray tell what is the answer.
Y/N: *grins* Mellon
Legolas: *frowns* Are you talking to me-
The doors open
Y/N: Try to be more obvious about how you feel hm? *smirks*
Legolas: I know not of what you spea-
Boromir: *interrupts* Enough of the flirting. Quickly, I am not eager to find out what the waters of this cursed place holds.
All quickly walk inside
Legolas: *grins at Y/N's back*
Gandalf: *Shakes his head* Young fools.
Imagine being sent to Thranduil along with Thorin
Small explanation. Y/N actually knows Thranduil as a close friend. She was his confidant when he became king. He knows that she is not from this world and was sent here and posesses the ability to change the fate of all middle earth. (Time travel kinda stuff?) Anyways HAPPY READING
Thranduil: I will let you go, if you but return which is mine.
Y/N: Honestly not sure why I'm here? Can I leav-
Thranduil: *interrupts* Silence Pethryn.
Thorin: A favour for a favour
Thranduil: You have my word, one king to another.
Y/N: *cringes, knowing that's next.*
Thorin: I would not trust, Thranduil, great king, to honour his word, should the end of all days be upon us.
Y/N: *sighs and looks down* Shit.
Thorin: I have seen how you treat your friends. We came to you once. Starving, homeless, seeking your help. But you turned your back.
Thranduil and Y/N: *looks at eachother but remains silent*
Thorin: *continues* You turned away from the suffering of my people. The inferno that destroyed us. Imrid amrâd ursul! (Die a fiery death)
Y/N: *loudly* Enough Thorin.
Thranduil: Do not talk to me of dragon fire. I know it's wrath and ruin. I have faced the great serpents of the north.
Y/N: *looks away from his scar*
Thranduil: I warned your grandfather what his greed would summon, but he would not take heed. You are no different.
*Gestures to the guards to take him away*
Stay here if you will and rot. A hundred years is a mere blink, in the eyes of an elf.
Thorin and gaurds exit
Y/N: Rather dramatic aren't we old friend? *smirks*
Thranduil: *refuses to look at you* Do not think I did not notice you turn away.
Y/N: *looks down* I cannot bear to look upon the pain I brought you. That day, that scar. It was meant for me.
Thranduil: Mellon nin, I would face the serpents once more if I were but to keep you safe.
Y/N: We went needlessly into battle. I was the one who should have-
Thranduil: Enough. You have spent a millennia repenting and punishing yourself for something I never blamed you for. I have nothing but fate to thank that it brings you back to my halls even if unwillingly. I have spent centuries waiting for your council again.
Y/N: *sighs and kneels* I have missed you Aran nin.
Thranduil: The Narrator does not kneel to a mere King in passing time, stand. I will not tell you again, lest my people think I have gone soft or mad.
Y/N: *grins* By the way you do know that they will escape.
Thranduil: And I guess I am not able to stop them?
Y/N: Nope.
Thranduil: Will you be joining them?
Y/N: *skips up to his throne and sits* All in due time my friend. Patience is a virtue.~
Thranduil: *picks her up with one hand by the scruff and sets her off his throne* Stop that. It is unbecoming. Go eat, tis the Feast of Starlight.
Y/N: Already on it! See ya later loser.
Y/N exits
Thranduil: *mutters from his throne* How they are able to switch between a child and an adult that is burdened with the fate of time, never ceases to confuse me.
------
Aran nin= My king
Pethryn= Narrator
Almost 2k?! Thats a long boi for me.
Imagine being in the mines of Moria with the fellowship.
Pippin: Are we lost?
Merry: No
Pippin: I think we are
Merry: *shushes him*
Y/N: Gandalf's thinking.
Frodo: *notices Gollum* Y/N, Gandalf! There's something down there.
Y/N: *turns to Gandalf* You wanna take this one?
Gandalf: *mutters* Not unless you wish to tell me the way.
Y/N: *grins* When in doubt Gandalf, when in doubt.
Turns to Frodo
Y/N: My dear, that would be Gollum.
Frodo: Gollum?
Y/N: Yes, I think he’s been following us for three days now. Probably set free from the dungeons of Barad-dûr. He wants what you carry upon your neck.
Frodo: The Ring?
Y/N: Yes, he will spend the rest of his life following where the ring goes, for he loves and hates the ring. Just as he loves and hates himself.
Gandalf: Sméagol’s story is quite a sad one.
Frodo: Sméagol?
Y/N: Yes, that was what he was called. Before the Ring found him, and drove him mad.
Frodo: Pity Bilbo didn't kill him when he had the chance.
Y/N: Pity? No my dear boy.
Gandalf: It was pity that stilled Bilbo’s hand.
Y/N: *grits her teeth* Many that live deserve death
Legolas and Gimli : *both look at Y/N and frown*
Gandalf: And some that that die, deserve life. Can you give it to them Frodo?
Y/N: Do not be too eager to deal out death and judgement dear one. Even the very wise cannot see all ends.
Gandalf: *narrows his eyes at Y/N before turning back to Frodo* My heart tells me there is still some part for Gollum to play whether for ill or for good.
Y/N: The pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many.
Frodo: I wish the ring never came to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not up to them to decide.
Y/N: All we can do, is to decide what to do with the time that was given to us.
Gandalf: There are other forces at work in this world and out of it Frodo, *glances at Y/N* besides the will of evil.
Y/N: Bilbo was meant to find the ring, and therefore you were meant to carry it. *grins down at Frodo* Now isn't that an encouraging thought?
Gandalf: Ah its that way!
Merry: He’s remembered!
Gandalf and Y/N: No.
Gandalf: But the air doesn’t smell so foul down here.
Y/N: *grins at Gandalf* When in doubt my friends, follow your nose.
Legolas: I thought it was follow your heart.
Aragorn: As did I
Y/N: Now now my dear friends, your heart goes third and your nose goes second!
Legolas: *puzzled* Then what goes first?
Both grin and look at each other
Aragorn: Her stomach.
Y/N: My stomach.
Sam: Quite wise of you miss Y/N.
Y/N: Thank you Sam.
All walk through the tunnel.
Legolas: *to Aragorn* Do you know what Y/N likes to eat?
Aragorn: Anything that she can get her hands on. Why so curious Legolas.
Legolas: *hurriedly* Just want to know what fuels such a dwarf sized human.
Y/N: I heard that.
Incorrect Quotes part 3
Legolas: Do not think I won't kill you dwarf. It would be my pleasure.
Y/N: *Quietly* I could give you pleasure.
Everyone: What?
Y/N: What?
Hey!
I really liked the lightness of writing posts, I have the idea that I really liked the lightness of writing posts, I have the idea that y/n He saw legolas with his hair and only his boxer shorts and is now blackmailing him into giving it back.He saw legolas with his hair and only his boxer shorts and now he is blackmailing him into giving him back (y/n) His blanket in front of the team His blanket in front of the team?
I would be grateful❤️❤️❤️
Alrighty righty, I'll try my best! (this will probably come in the form of Incorrect quotes since this wont be cannon to my time line!
Legolas: Y/N my dear, it seems as though you've lost something.. *smirking as he holds out a pair of undergarments*
Y/N: ... Alright pretty boy what do you want for 'em
Legolas: *grins wider* Whatever makes you think you can bribe an elven prince?
Y/N: Cause i have a pretty face? Give it here Elsa- *lunges at Legolas's hand*
Legolas: *smiles and raises his hand higher* Nuh Uh, you must try harder than that Mellon Nîn.
Y/N: *frowns* Well in that case..
Y/N clambers on top Legolas with a grin
Legolas: *splutters* What on middle earth are you doing?
Y/N: Nothing *grinning*
While Legolas is flustered Y/N Takes back the piece of clothing from Legolas.
Y/N: Y'know, if you wanted me on you, you could have just asked me Ernil Nin.
Legolas: I haven't the faintest idea of what you're talking about.
Y/N: Your words do not agree with the redness in your cheeks. Like I say so often. Try to hide your feelings better Mellon Nîn.
-------------------------------------------------------
Ernil Nîn= my prince I think
Stay the fuck off my computer and my Microsoft word and get your ideas elsewhere.
The Glass: What? Is this an actual threat? Am I famous enough to have haters now or something? XD
Gandalf: I’m not so sure it was a threat my friend.
Legolas: Sounds like a threat to me. I’m ready to fight.
Gimli: Sounds like a human thing to say.
Aragorn: I wonder why it’s anonymous.
Imagine Y/N being there when Gandalf gets captured by the Balrog in the mines of Moria and Legolas comforts you.
Y/N: Gandalf they're running.
The goblins disperse
Boromir: What is this new evil.
Y/N: I fear that it is something worse is upon us.
Footsteps approach
Y/N and Gandalf: A Balrog.
Gandalf: A demon of the ancient world.
Y/N: And not a hot one either *mutters*
The fellowship: What?
Y/N: This foe is beyond any of you.
Gandalf: Run! Quickly!
The fellowship comes to a cliff and all stop before it.
Aragorn: Gandalf... Can you continue.
Gandalf: *looks at you and Aragorn* You must lead them on. The bridge is near.
Y/N: But I-
Gandalf: Do as I say! Swords are of no more use here.
They all climb down the stairs hurriedly but find a gap.
Legolas: Y/N! *gestures for you to jump*
Y/N: Gandalf first, then the little ones. Hurry!
One by one they get across while Gimli pauses.
Gimli: Nobody tosses a dwarf!
Y/N: I don't think you want to jump.
Gimli: *jumps and is caught by his beard* NOT THE BEARD.
Y/N: *smirks* Told you so.
Legolas pulls him up.
Y/N: Hurry Frodo! *throws Frodo to Legolas*
Y/N and Aragorn slide down the stairs as it collapses.
Gandalf: Over the bridge! Fly!
Y/N: Gandalf quickly! The bridge!
They reach the bridge and Gandalf stops.
Gandalf: You cannot pass!
Frodo: Gandalf!
Y/N: No! *runs back to Gandalf*
Gandalf: Pethryn STAY.
Y/N reluctantly halts.
Gandalf: I am a servant of the Secret Fire. Wielder of the flame of Anor. The dark fire will not avail you flame of Udûn!
The Balrog strikes Gandalf.
Gandalf: Go back to the shadows.
Balrog brings forth it's whip.
Gandalf: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
Y/N: Gandalf do not linger! You must come!
Gandalf Stares into the abyss as the creature falls.
Y/N: NO! *she rushes forwards grasped by Aragorn and Legolas* Let me go. UNHAND ME. *struggles* GANDALF.
Boromir: No!
Frodo: GANDALF *Boromir holds him back*
Gandalf: Fly you fools!
Gandalf falls.
Frodo: No!
Boromir: Aragorn! We must move.
Aragorn and Legolas drag Y/N and they all exit the mines.
Y/N: I could have saved him. I could have pulled him up! Why did you stop me? Why didn't you let me-
Legolas pulls Y/N to his chest.
Legolas: We could not have you fall into fire and shadow too. Gandalf sacrificed for us so we must honour him by living.
Y/N: *shakes in anger* I could have helped him.
Aragorn: Then you know it was the path he had to take.
Y/N: *grits their teeth* But I do not have to like it.
Aragorn: Get them up.
Boromir: Give them a moment for pity's sake.
Y/N: *quietly* There is no time for pity.
Aragorn: By nightfall, these hills will be swarming with Orcs. We must reach the woods of Lothlórien.
Y/N: Quickly, get them up Boromir. Legolas help me.
Legolas: I'm sorry, I only wanted to make sure you were safe.
Y/N: It was not your fault. I bare you no ill will. Thank you Mellon nîn. For keeping me safe.
-------------------------------------------
Pethryn still means narrator!! hope u guys enjoy this, I haven't posted a LOTR one in a bit so ENJOYYY <3