Myb0dych3ck$ - Tumblr Posts
I can't keep being a slave to my period, today I will fast and tomorrow I will eat in a 900 kcal limit
ngl I'm scared of fasting, I haven't fast in a long time (that's probably why I'm so fucking fat) but I need discipline, luckily today I woke up nauseous 🙏
if you have any tips on fasting pls let me know
the nikocado avocado situation was really a wake up call
106 kcal matcha latte to help with the fasting 💚
my ed isn't necessarily a bad thing
I understand that when I was deeply into anorexia (I was eating 200/300 cals a day, I used to starve for more than 4 days) I didn't feel good, I didn't have a life, food was the only thing in my mind, and also I was eating really shitty, only processed food, no veggies, basically no water and only diet coke and other zero cal drinks.
and bulimia ofc wasn't a good thing, I've been clean for more than 250 days
(yippie)
but then I tried recovering... and omg worst decision ever
my weight before, at the time was 57 kg, but usually it was always around 63 kg and now I'm over 70, and I get that all the meds that I took have a huge part in this, but I gained so much when I tried to eat like a normal human being, and oh man if I hate it.
I hate it so much.
my arms are huge, my belly is colossal, my legs look like two giant hams, my face went back to being chubby and puffy, my boobs are enormous, they ruin every outfit, even my hands become so big.
I look so stupid, everything that I wear looks embarrassing because I'm fucking fat.
I don't want a relationship now because I'm too fat to be fucked, I know that I am not disgusting, because what's really disgusting is all this fat that needs to be GONE asap
the plan that my nutritionist gave me didn't change anything, but at least now I know how to balance a meal properly
I lost all of my discipline in these two years, I need to get back on track.
I'm not a free spirit, I crave control, I crave order, it was always like this and this needs to be embraced.
I'm not going to fall into a deep hole, I'm not going to eat less than 700 cal, I will simply eat from 700 to 1000 cal, adding some work out.
AND BINGES ARE NOT ALLOWED
I'm going to start college, I need amazing grades, I need to clean my room and my house, I don't want to live in the dirt anymore, I need to study piano again, I was really good and I love the attention of people when I play it, and I need to start reading again because I can't be this ignorant.
and, the most important, I NEED TO BE SKINNY
If you're skinny people take you seriously, people actually like you, being skinny is a literal flex, clothes look good on you, and you just become prettier because your face slim down.
oh, to be a simple pretty white girl.
I was always the weird one, the stupid one, the funny one, the kind one, but never the skinnier or the prettiest or the smartest.
I want that to change.
I need to change.
I need to be untouchable.
I want to finally be pretty, be desired, be liked.