Ed Before And After - Tumblr Posts

my ed isn't necessarily a bad thing

I understand that when I was deeply into anorexia (I was eating 200/300 cals a day, I used to starve for more than 4 days) I didn't feel good, I didn't have a life, food was the only thing in my mind, and also I was eating really shitty, only processed food, no veggies, basically no water and only diet coke and other zero cal drinks.

and bulimia ofc wasn't a good thing, I've been clean for more than 250 days

(yippie)

but then I tried recovering... and omg worst decision ever

my weight before, at the time was 57 kg, but usually it was always around 63 kg and now I'm over 70, and I get that all the meds that I took have a huge part in this, but I gained so much when I tried to eat like a normal human being, and oh man if I hate it.

I hate it so much.

my arms are huge, my belly is colossal, my legs look like two giant hams, my face went back to being chubby and puffy, my boobs are enormous, they ruin every outfit, even my hands become so big.

I look so stupid, everything that I wear looks embarrassing because I'm fucking fat.

I don't want a relationship now because I'm too fat to be fucked, I know that I am not disgusting, because what's really disgusting is all this fat that needs to be GONE asap

the plan that my nutritionist gave me didn't change anything, but at least now I know how to balance a meal properly

I lost all of my discipline in these two years, I need to get back on track.

I'm not a free spirit, I crave control, I crave order, it was always like this and this needs to be embraced.

I'm not going to fall into a deep hole, I'm not going to eat less than 700 cal, I will simply eat from 700 to 1000 cal, adding some work out.

AND BINGES ARE NOT ALLOWED

I'm going to start college, I need amazing grades, I need to clean my room and my house, I don't want to live in the dirt anymore, I need to study piano again, I was really good and I love the attention of people when I play it, and I need to start reading again because I can't be this ignorant.

and, the most important, I NEED TO BE SKINNY

If you're skinny people take you seriously, people actually like you, being skinny is a literal flex, clothes look good on you, and you just become prettier because your face slim down.

oh, to be a simple pretty white girl.

I was always the weird one, the stupid one, the funny one, the kind one, but never the skinnier or the prettiest or the smartest.

I want that to change.

I need to change.

I need to be untouchable.

I want to finally be pretty, be desired, be liked.

9 things that I've learned in the past few years thanks to having ana, mia and binge ed

1. the only way to actually see progress is to be consistent.

the only time I actually saw results was because I kept it straight for 3 months (but then I binged all the weight back, be careful)

2. don't restrict too much or you'll gain all your weight back (TRUST ME).

instead of eating less than 500 cal a day, calculate you average calorie intake online (for me it was around 1500 because I was eating out of emotions) and subtract not more than 300/400 cal. this will also help with the super hunger moments.

**this DOESN'T mean that now you have to take more calories away from your usual intake if you're already restricting, remember that your brain needs at least 500 cals to work, you can also fuck your metabolism up if you eat too less.

3. don't obsess with fasting.

it will simply fuck you up.

you can still do it sometimes, fasting is actually a healthy way to detoxify your body, just don't do it too often (one or two day a month is enough)

4. just don't think about it.

don't obsess, just try to stay on track, try to do this in the most healthy and responsible way possible, everything will be okay.

5. AVOID ZERO CAL DRINKS!!!!!!!!

I know this is shocking, especially because they help to fill up the hunger, but they also cause lots and lots of inflammation, that is exactly what is keeping you bloated and puffy.

If you don't want to avoid it, just try to drink them as little as possible.

6. throwing up on purpose shouldn't even be on your mind.

vomiting causes dehydration, which causes puffiness, bloating, water retention and plenty of other things that you don't want. it also ruin your teeth, your throat, your stomach, your breath will stink.

don't. do. mia.

7. the key to binges is water.

while you're in the middle of a binge remember to keep drinking water, it will fill you up faster and it will help you with your digestion.

8. unresolved freud oral phase? I got you

(if you don't know what the oral phase is look it up, lots of people with binge ed or food addiction have it)

you may find helpful: chewing gum, toothpick, lollipops, brushing your teeth, drinking water, biting something (a pillow for ex).

there is also smoking cigarettes or vaping, and to be honest it helps a lot, especially when you feel the urge to binge or emotional hunger in general, but you have to be careful to not get addicted (even if the 90% of us edblr people already are). just be careful.

9. if you're sick you have to eat.

you can't get better if you're not getting the right nutrients.

that's it.

my only 3 rules for this 31 days hello kitty diet:

- no binges

- no cravings

- at least 2 l of water everyday

I've been thru so much, I fucking deserve to be skinny

day 2 ✅

tomorrow I will start this diet plan 🩷

pls where can I find more before and after ed pictures? they are sooo motivating

ariana, my biggest thinspo since I was a child 🩷🩷