Not A Vent - Tumblr Posts
take this as you will ig
Experimenting with colors
Haha imagine low key having trauma… could never be me…. I mean really, imagine that… aha 🥲
If you didn’t grow up having to monitor and keep track of every eyebrow twitch, every footstep, every voice crack, every tone change, and all the other micro mannerisms of the people around you (cough cough your parents cough cough) then you don’t get to make fun of me for my social battery running out early. It’s a tiring existence monitoring everyone around you because your brain translates “not obviously pleased” to “obviously displeased”.
*check this user’s DNI’s before interacting*
Haha does anyone else remember standing in front of your bathroom mirror every night before going to bed from the ages of 7-11 saying “I’m not a boy” over and over again because you were scared that if you were trans your parents would stop loving you because they always talk about how glad they are that they have a girl and how they wouldn’t know what to do with a boy and how your dad would say that all queer people are socially engineered by the CIA? Remember that? No? Just me? Oh ok.
do any of you also feel like you don't really have a personality sometimes?? like... you're not sure what your actual traits are cause it feels like they're not stable at all?
lol im so hungry but im finally getting back to the one meal a day grind
I feel so much grief for the girl I could've been. I feel so much gratitude for the girls my age who aren't where I am.
I wouldn't wish this or curse anyone with this. I swear.
So why do I allow myself to go through something I wouldn't want the next person to go through.
I will never say this feels good. I will never tell someone my drug of choice is "awesome and so cool" (if I do it's a JOKE I PROMISE YOU. I just need to laugh a little so I don't spiral completely into old habits. I Just pretend it's funny when it's really not,)
I will always tell someone the true reality before I make those type of jokes. just so they know it's not worth it.
I've made horrible, horrible embarrassing desperate choices out of convincing myself that I needed it when I only wanted it.
You don't want to know what the fuck has happened because I met the wrong person or ran into the wrong place. I ended up in the sewer (metaphorical) I ended up in my grave I ended up thinking the pleasure was pretty when it was only pain.
I can't complain, this is not a complaint post. If it feels like it ur not really understanding. Really the point is to try and divert anyone who wants to think that drugs r cool when they will only end up killing you physically and mentally. even sexually.
Wow I sound like such a fifth grader who's into D.A.R.E. or whatever but I am here ,I am where I am and if I could tell anyone who wants to try shit., I would sob and sob and sob and sob and do ANYTHING to make sure they never end up here.
I get how you feel. It's kinda scary having to wonder if someone's okay or not, and it can be pretty triggering for some people to have to hear about those things.
However, the main reason (as far as I am aware) why suicidal people or those with self harm struggles interact with NSO content is because NSO contains themes of self harm and other mental health struggles, and it can be relatable for people with similar struggles or find the game comforting.
W can assure you that most of us are okay, and if you are concerned about our wellbeing's, feel free to ask us about it.
Again, we apologize for the concern. /gen
PS, please don't report our accounts. We understand the concern, but there are a few reasons why we need to have our accounts.
A lot of us use our blogs as a coping mechanism since a lot of us don't have other coping mechanisms, and sadly there is a lot of stigma surrounding mental health which can make it difficult to find healthier coping mechanisms (it's not easy being mentally ill, i'll tell you that.).
In addition, some of our accounts (including mine for example) are reviewed by or recognized by professionals as a way to get our emotions out of our system (kind of like a diary), so if our account gets terminated, we lose that coping mechanism.
I don't mean to be rude when I say this btw, but just letting you know.
I might stop posting NSO content. My last few posts have been reblogged by multiple accounts that are centred on self harm and suicidal thoughts. I’ve had to report a few people because I legitimately thought they were in danger.
10/16/2024
I wanna save up some money for something, but idk what to save up for.
I don't have a job, but my mom pays me for doing chores around the house, and so far, I have $21.84 in physical money (dollar bills and coins)
Here are some of the things I'm wanting to get (including amount I want to save up and why I want it):
* A new computer and a capture card - so I can start doing live streams on youtube and make money off of that (since the computers I do have are actual dog shit for streaming and i wanna make money off of that). I already have a switch so I can stream minecraft if I wanted. (around $100-$500 depending on the quality, brand and any features I want. I am wanting a windows 10 computer btw, fuck windows 11)
Some makeup stuff - yes, I wear makeup sometimes lol (about $20-$30 depending on what I decide to get, including a vanity mirror with lights so I can see wtf i'm doing)
Some new clothes - specifically from hot topic because I don't have a lot of alt clothes at home T-T (about $200 since hot topic is expensive as fuck, at least here in colorado)
* some anime figurines - I'm wanting to start a collection since I think a lot of the anime figurines are really cool and also I got nothing better to do with my life lmao (check out my intro post on @nozomi-anime if you wanna see my current collection) (about $100 since at the place I want to get mine at, they're really expensive due to the quality and value, and this doesn't include shelving btw since my dad can help out with that since he's a carpenter and works with wood shit)
* Some tony crynight merchandise - I know I'm in a split with him atm but honestly fuck it. (about $50 since I only want the "in my heart" mug to display on my shelf and maybe the red wolf skull shirt so I can style it with my other clothes lmao)
An aromantic and nonbinary flag - I'm pansexual, aromantic and nonbinary, and the only flags I have are the pansexual and trans flag (and a small paper aromantic flag I made myself), so it'd be nice to have the other flags :> (about $20-$50 depending on the quality and brand)
Either a bike or a skateboard - just so that I can get around my neighborhood more easily (I hate walking ;-;) ($50-$100 depending on what I decide to get, the accessories I want and the quality)
A canopy bed frame - The sun's so fucking bright when I wake up in the mornings and I hate it, and my sister won't let me have my old bed frame (fucking asshole...) ($200 since I found one I liked)
Other bedroom stuff - I was gonna buy some while I was redecorating my room but never went through with it, and some of my furniture in my room is... not in the greatest condition, let's just say. (about $1k since furniture is SUPER expensive)
The ones with a * on them are the ones I REALLY wanna save up for, but I don't really know which on out of all of these would be a good investment.
yo nepeta, how you be doin?? i haven't really been on tumblr lately, so i thought id lock the fuck in and check how you be doin!!
lately, definetlky alot more stressed and busy due to school, ihavent had muuch time to think aboiut this blog or post, annd im kinda focusinbg alot more on my studies, but music is goin pretty good !! :o) howve you been ? :oD
i havent slept properly for 2 days but at this point if my eyes arent drifting shut on their own i dont want that shit 😾 i literally just want to be awake until i physically cant anymore /lh
I've gotten like 2 "oops sorry wrong person" texts both r from my friends I'm gonna flip 🤬🤬