Pitiful - Tumblr Posts
"I Feel..."
"Like I need you beside me. That if I go one more day without you I'll fall into this bleak pit and never return. Sometimes it feels as though I'm already there. I feel like I never know happiness without you. That without you love would cease to exist. That I would cease to exist... I think I need you.... But I don't. I don't think I want you or need you. I have myself and that's all I need. I can find beauty and love and happiness Without looking to you. I can find peace and kindness in others without already having yours. I can reach to the ends of the earth with just my two arms. I can embrace the world and all its inhabitants by myself. I can fall in love with the unlovable and the unbelievable. I can do all this and more because I don't need you... But then again, It would be nice to share all this with You. That would be splendid, don't you think?"
Day 255: i want to dig a hole and hide down there forever :C
I think i just put myself in a situation where people will never forget my stupidity. I might as well die coz I don't think I still have the nerve to face those people. I am the new laughing stock in class. I am so embarassed yesterday. I was fckn nervous that i ended up stuttering during my presentation. I bet even mr. Cutie was laughing at me. And for sure he'll never talk to me again. *sigh* why do i have to live my life like this? I failed! I disappoint my family again. I don't know how am I going to make them proud anymore. Coz it seems like I always do the wrong and most embarassing shit a human being can think of. I wanna be better! I wanna make those people realize that I am not a coward or a stupid asian girl! But where do I start? I lack confidence in my self. I have a poor self-esteem. I am uber sensitive and insecure. =/ I hope things will get better soon. I hate this feeling. I don't want this to affect me but I can't always ignore their stares and opinions about me. I wanna be a better person in their eyes.
Slowly people are seeing me for who I really am. One by one I will lose them. And although it won't be the typical we-don't-speak-anymore kind of losing, no because we're adults, it'll be more like the relationships become more formal, more stiff. I'm happy for my friends for finding better people really. You deserve better, and my pathetic sorry ass shouldn't drag you down.