Queer Longing - Tumblr Posts
when there are nights like this, how deeply they feel lonesome. what is it like to have the graze of another's touch and embrace to make up loss in absentia? how does the feeling of contact untether the nightmares which are faced alone in an unconscious stupor for years?
what is it like to feel the consistency of warmth and mass to grasp onto, seeking safety from the lucid terrors that occur on a rotating basis?
how does the stupor beget from its prison cell? many layers exist in answering these pleading inquiries for shelter.
for how much longer does this nightmare stay? will leaving ever become affordable to pass?
believing in the "yet" satisfies only in surviving the traumatic terrors from then and of now, yet it grows tiresome to await within a stormy reign of piercing precipitation.
how hard is it to ask for the protection within community in the same settings which have and are given very little space?
this isn't the fault of community, just unfortunate proximity is what determines fate in this epoch destitute of all things humane.
don't forget that our existence matters, too.
This is a great post, especially for those of us who came of age at a time when resources like this weren't available. Even in adulthood in 2024, some of us (me included) are forced to live with hostile "family" because there's nowhere else for us to go, other than living in our cars or on the streets. You aren't a failure in a system designed to fail you, particularly here in the United States right now.
When I first started trauma therapy in 2019 (age 24-25), the parable about the masks was told to me by my therapist; I was shocked that helping yourself survive first is your priority. We all know it doesn't have to be this way, and it takes a hell of a lot of courage to resist the shame you have been given when enough people never experience what it is to survive and not have one's needs met.
While this blog isn't for minors, adults only, you're worth it to keep you alive because we need you as you need us to survive, then one day thrive. 🖤
I’m a queer minor with an unsupportive Republican family and I feel so fucking helpless about the election. What can I do or at least how can I stay safe?
listen to me. i am taking your face in my hands. i am looking into your eyes. listen. your second question is the right one. your safety is your priority. have you ever been on a plane? and they do the little safety routine? and when the masks fall down, they say, "put your own oxygen mask on before helping others?"
as a queer kid, this is a put your own mask on before helping others situation.
there are things you can do to get involved but first and foremost, you gotta be safe. if that means you don't come out and you don't talk about politics and you don't get involved in activism until you can be independent, that's what it means. i know it sucks to hear. it really sucks saying it, tbh. i want you to be big and out and loud and proud, and i never want you to have to make yourself small, but more than anything i want you to be safe.
so everything i'm about to say is with this caveat. safety first. your own mask before helping others.
here's a link to the lgbt national youth talkline. this service won't call outside agencies (like 911) on your behalf, unless you're making a credible threat to someone else.
the Trevor Project also has a hotline and chat services. they do call outside agencies on your behalf to report imminent harm to yourself or others as well as reporting child abuse. i'm not saying one is better than the other. i just want you to know what each service does.
the Trevor Project also has trevorspace, which i guess is like social media for lgbt youth? i am not a youth so i didn't sign up to check it out but it could be a good place to find folks to talk and connect with. connections are so good.
here's some things you can do. i tried to include a bunch of things with different amounts of involvement so you can pick your safety level.
read. read so much. read about people who are like you and who are not like you. read fiction that celebrates queer joy and read nonfiction books about antiracism and intersectionality and the history of queer people in the US. do you know who has a cool amount of information on queer history in the US? the national park service. watch queer movies, even (especially, tbh) old ~problematic stuff, look up what people say about it now. read through the articles on decolonizepalestine.com. watch interviews about Black joy. know your rights. read banned books. if you can't do, learn. read. just because it's happening inside your head doesn't mean it's real work.
check out scarleteen, which is a fantastic resource for queer sex ed and relationship information. a lot of their articles are older now, but still 100% great reads.
watch what your family is watching - debates, news stories, whatever - and ask yourself how would i respond to that? look up how to respond to that. you can use this time to start learning how to dissect political speech and how to respond to it. both sides do this! read news from both sides and see how it compares.
make your daily 5 calls. they give you scripts and everything. if you don't want to talk to a real human person, calling in the evening will usually get you a voicemail. talking on the phone is a hugely important social skill - if you don't have it, the 5 calls are a great way to start and to start addressing your discomfort with phones.
20 states allow 17-year-olds to vote in the primaries.
Pre-register to vote if you're eligible.
Vote Forward puts on a letter writing campaign you can participate in.
NextGen America has in-person volunteer opportunities in 8 states, and virtual opportunities globally. Although they target voters 18-35, volunteers can be any age. (hey adults - you listening?)
here's even more information on phone or text banking! for most of these, you don't have to be 18.
Organize a voter registration drive at your high school. the Civics Center has a free, one-hour online workshop that will walk you through how to host a drive and they'll even send you swag for it. check out their "for students" tab - they have sharable graphics, workshops, lots of stuff.
in some states, people under 18 can sign up to be poll workers. (hey adults - we can do this too)
CIRCLE is a civic engagement center that focuses on getting youth out to vote, but also educating folks. check their website out. listen. politics are so boring like, 99.9% of the time. the more you know about how it works, the more effective you can be when you want to get involved.
look up your local political body, find out when they meet. attend the meetings. in my county we have a board of commissioners that meet once a month, and a couple of committees as well. i don't go every time but now that i can log into the meetings via Zoom, I do about every other month or so. did you see that video of violet affleck speaking at the LA board of supervisors meeting? that could be you, babe.
so there's a lot you can do actually! here's some more stuff you can do!!
know, with 100% certainty, in your heart of hearts, that there are so many people who want you to be out and proud and loud and yourself. and there are so many people who are fighting for you to be able to do that. there are so many adults, queer and non-queer, rooting for you, standing up for you, putting ourselves between you and a future where you have to keep making yourself small. and you will get older and i know it's trite but THINGS REALLY DO GET BETTER, and someday you will be the queer adult on this side of the screen protecting kids like you. you gotta keep on keeping on and keeping yourself safe so you can do that someday.
log off. LOG OFF. doomscrolling is a form of self-harm. deliberately seeking out endless articles and tiktoks and whatever about news and information that will upset you is not activism, babe! it's harm! you aren't helping anyone by being hurt. there's a difference between being informed and hurting yourself. find the line. hold yourself to it.
stop using chat gpt. it's terrible. forget you ever knew about it. that's not related to activism its just like, general health, and also climate change. while i'm here, switch to firefox and duckduckgo.
go outside. it turns out touching grass is actually important for our mental health. go find some.
pick up a hobby that does something with your hands, if you're able to. i cross-stitch and play piano (badly). pick up drawing. cooking. embroidery. underwater basket weaving. it's important to find something that shows you what YOU can do with YOUR two hands. you can do so much.
find your people. online, in person. find your people. when i got this ask, i - not a parent - threw it to my people and they helped me find some resources. we're doing this together.
this is kind of silly but i love doing it. find the marriage license announcements in your county or township or whatever and look for gay people. you'll be guessing by names, so watch out - we love trans people who have and haven't made the legal name change! - but GOD. i've looked at the marriage license announcements literally every two weeks (which is how often they're published in my county) since Obergefell v Hodges 9 years ago, which is when we got gay marriage in my state, and it's so fucking healing. in the last 9 years, i have seen hundreds of gay people make this announcement. every two weeks, there are four or five gay couples in my community out of maybe 15, 20 (i live in a pretty small county). look up why marriage rights have mattered so much to our community. these marriage license announcements are just such a small, bright spot of joy and seeing the names - real people! in my real community! - cradles my heart. find what cradles your heart.
this has gotten long enough so i'm going to set it free. i'm sure there will be people in the notes adding things. for you parents out there, leave your love in the comments. for the rest of us extremely cool and suave adults, pick something off the list and volunteer too, and look at this anon and think yes, this is why we do it. kids like us who are kids now, who will be us later. for you Youth out there, put your oxygen mask on first and then help others.
i love you.
it gets better.
For those who may feel upsetting, emotional distress from wells' deep in grieving our own parent(s) who reject(ed) us, these are the parents snd community members we lacked in guiding us away from further dysfunction by loving us and supporting us. Of that which oppression takes away from us in vitality, opportunity, and dignity, may we find family and community of our own way so that we belong, in that we no longer long, love where, where here, we be.
The only thing I was looking forward to is seeing him. But I don't know when that will even be.
Maybe never again.
Maybe I'm just dramatic.
But it feels like we'll never be together again...
I want to be back in his arms. I want to be with him.