Tw Self Harm Mention - Tumblr Posts

almost!!! a year!!! clean!!!

it will be one year on 12/28 ♡

Think I'm gonna hide out on tumblr for a bit. VRChat and Twitter are bringing me so much anxiety because of how many people I've met who refuse to listen to or believe that someone I follow whose been through trauma. Being completely honest, before I even knew what I was even doing, I was the same way. Being groomed and constantly surrounded by people who like a certain type of shit Will generally get you interested in that shit. You do it to feel cool, to feel safe in the community even if that community isnt really safe. Of course, as soon as you find out it's bad you gfto and try to stay out the best you can but trauma (especially ptsd and childhood related trauma) can bring you right back to where you started because the feeling of being "back there" can be gratifying for mental se//lf ha//rm. I trust that the person I follow is safe and doing their best not to go back to that content, recovery is hard and relapsing is unfortunately part of the process but every time you get up from being knocked down is another time you're better than your past. I believe that most people are just trying to do their best to be better than yesterday, and I guess if I get cancelled for that it's whatever. I'm just scared of losing community. I'm scared of being hated. But either way, I'll go on. I know it. I know I'll be okay. No matter who I associate with and no matter who hates me I'll be fine. My anxiety will pass and I will recover.

Also. Antis love to say "you're retraumatizing yourself". A) I'm not. And B) so what if I was? Even if I was using fiction as a way to self harm, it still wouldn't be any of their fucking business because it doesn't affect them or anyone else at all

"You're traumatizing yourself!" as if people don't watch scary movies all the time. As if the news isn't consistently full of rape and mass murder and the extensive horrors of humanity. As if you're genuinely hard pressed to find media these days which doesn't in some form blindside you with drugs, sexual assault, casual violence, stalking and an entire pick'n'mix of other traumatizing subjects.

They also need to stop equating temporary emotional distress to deep-rooted trauma. They are not the same thing.

DONT FUCKING SCROLL. REBLOG. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT.

I’ve seen a lot of posts on my dash tonight about users who are threatening suicide, with other Tumblr members posting in effort to try to get ahold of them. I think you all should see this:

IF THERE IS EVER A TUMBLR USER WHO HAS POSTED A GOOD-BYE MESSAGE, SUICIDE NOTE, VIDEO, OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT, PLEASE FOLLOW THIS POST.

1. Scroll to the top of your dashboard.

2. See the circular question mark icon at the top? It’s the third one over from your home symbol. Click on that, and a screen similar to the one in the picture will come up.

3. Where you can type in questions, the box with the magnifying glass at the top, type in the word “suicide.”

4. Click on the first link that shows up. It should say, “Pass the URL of the blog on to us.”

5. Type in the user’s URL and tell Tumblr admin that the user is contemplating suicide and has posted a message indicating that they are going through with it or will be attempting. Hit send! Tumblr administration will perform a number of actions to contact the user and take the necessary steps to prevent the suicide.

TUMBLR: THIS COULD SAVE A USER’S LIFE. PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE SUICIDE THREATS.

Reblog this to keep other users aware. Suicide isn’t a joke, and neither is someone’s life. If you didn’t know this, someone else may not, either. Pass it on.

Hello 👋 have some refs and the rules of one of my Undertale AU’s, Fated Souls.

Rules of Fated Souls:

•The four are the fallen humans. The Monsters only need one SOUL.

•Quena is trying to keep her family safe, as the adult and oldest sibling

•She hadn’t planned on coming back up. If it was just her, she would’ve gladly given her SOUL.

•But, she’s not the only one. Her baby siblings are here. She’s getting them out, no matter what.

•Riley is the second oldest, the older twin, but she’s only 10. She’s scared and just wants her big sister.

•She’ll do her best to be brave, because Quena’s always been brave for them.

•Emily is the younger twin, she’s incredibly shy. She’ll speak up when someone says something bad about her family, but she prefers to avoid confrontation.

•She wants to do whats right.

•Nicolas, Nicki, is the youngest. The only brother. He’s afraid, so, so afraid.

•Despite his fear, he was taught to be kind.

•They MUST complete at least 1 (one) of each run

•Usually forced to do more than one of Neutral and Genocide

•Quena is the one usually in charge of the Encounters. Unless she dies, of course.

•If its a Pacifist, whoever died comes back at the next SAVE. If its Neutral or Genocide, they don’t come back until the next RESET. In Genocide, there is a chance they don’t come back until the next Universe.

•Once FATE is satisfied with their amount of runs, the next RESET drops them in a new Universe

•The only reason they know they’re not dreaming is the items they collect or things they write down not vanishing each RESET. Quena keeps a journal of it all, the pages never seem to end.

•They are Not having a Good Time, but they’re pretending every thing is fine in the happier timelines

•It doesn’t always stay that way

This AU can be jokes and memes, but there’s a lot of violence, suicidal ideation, and self-sacrifice—especially from Quena. You think she’d let anything happen to them?

CHARACTER INFO:

Quena:

•Oldest Child

•Main SOUL trait is Patience, with Perseverance, Justice, and Determination woven in

•College Student for Mechanical and Computer Engineering.

•Good at Math on the fly, rarely ever needs to write equations down.

•Strained relationship with Mother, less said about Father the better.

•Father was neglectful and abusive, her Mom was trapped doing everything. Quena pretty much raised her siblings in a house with two parents.

•Depressed with Self-Harmful Habits and Tendencies.

•Jumped as a way of suicide, mixed feelings about surviving

•Several Timelines and Universes where she commits to the act, almost always followed by a RESET

•Genocide affects her mental state heavily.

•Carries around a knife, first to figure out how to turn her SOUL into a physical weapon

•First item she grabbed in the Underground was a backpack capable of carrying anything. Often uses it to carry siblings in more dangerous universes, or if they need to get somewhere fast.

•Self sacrifice to the extreme, mental state gets worse in bad runs if one of her siblings dies.

•Also willing to throw herself in front of Innocent Monsters in Violent Universes

•The One Who Does Phone Calls

•”Excuse Me, they asked for no pickles.”

•Jokes self-deprecatingly to hide her depression

•Family, Friends, anyone else with that brand? She’s your biggest hype-man. No low self-esteem in her house (that’s her job)

•Will rarely resort to violence in front of her siblings, but will if necessary

•Can actually be incredibly scary if she wants to be. Doesn’t usually want to be.

•Gives the best hugs, very comforting. Perfect pressure and warmth, like a shield against everything wrong in the world.

•Does not remember the last time she slept.

•Calls everyone ‘buddy’ and ‘pal’. Does she know you? No idea!

•Probably has at least one fractured bone at all times. Does not care at all.

•The ‘Big Sister Ever’ Energy

She remembers e v e r y t h i n g

Riley:

•The Older Twin

•Main SOUL Trait is Bravery, but also small bits of Perseverance and Justice

•Acts all tough, but still just a child

•A blunt, sarcastic sweetheart tbh

•Does NOT like strangers. No matter how old they are or if they’re a Monster or a Human.

•Rarely ever without Emily, but Quena is her favorite sibling.

•Watching Quena fight Monsters, with seemingly no regards to her own safety, upsets her.

•Watching Quena die, or any of them die, is worse

•Calls Quena ‘Mom’ as a joke but also sorta means it sometimes

•The type of person to run up as someone raises their arm and just grab it, like a monkey bar

•Also has a knife, but smaller.

•She hates being alone in any capacity after the few runs where Emily and Quena both died, leaving just her and Nicolas.

•Quena had to piggyback her most of the next Pacifist run, and Emily held her hand, but neither minded.

•She wants to be strong, so she can protect her family for once— Like Quena always has.

•Cannot sleep without someone close by.

•Very careful about keeping her bones in tact, doesn’t always work.

•Remembers faces easily. Names mean little

Emily

•The Younger Twin

•Main SOUL Trait is Integrity, with small bits of Kindness and Justice

•Doesn’t enjoy talking to people, or having people look at her.

•Usually hides from confrontation.

•Will freeze up if someone tries to confront her, especially if they’re angry in any way (she does not enjoy Fell verses)

•Never seen without Riley, but Nicolas is her favorite.

•Also has separation anxiety, gets nightmares on the rare instance they’re able to pause and sleep

•The RESETS scare her

•What if, one day, one of them dies and then they can’t RESET?

•It’s a big fear of hers.

•Carries colorful bandaids for everyone

•Very polite, will hang from someones arm while Riley swings from the other.

•Great at remembering names! Not so much at faces…

Nicolas

•The Youngest!

•A SOUL of Kindness, with a little bit of Perseverance

•He just wants to play games!

•Sometimes the Monsters are scary though, and he’d rather hide.

•Will hide in the Backpack.

•His mind has blocked out most of the trauma from all the RESETS and Universe Hopping.

•They all know it won’t be blocked forever, but for now they’ll let him be happy.

•He wants to be friends! He wants to make friends!

•Sometimes, they don’t want to be friends with him.

•Sometimes, he doesn’t want to be friends either.

•Can remember a few names and a few faces, doesn’t always pay attention.

Its been a month since the last time I self harmed...which is great. It's nice not being covered in bruises. So, I'll enjoy it while it lasts...

I’ve seen a lot of posts on my dash tonight about users who are threatening suicide, with other Tumblr members posting in effort to try to get ahold of them. I think you all should see this:

IF THERE IS EVER A TUMBLR USER WHO HAS POSTED A GOOD-BYE MESSAGE, SUICIDE NOTE, VIDEO, OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT, PLEASE FOLLOW THIS POST.

1. Scroll to the top of your dashboard.

2. See the circular question mark icon at the top? It’s the third one over from your home symbol. Click on that, and a screen similar to the one in the picture will come up.

3. Where you can type in questions, the box with the magnifying glass at the top, type in the word “suicide.”

4. Click on the first link that shows up. It should say, “Pass the URL of the blog on to us.”

5. Type in the user’s URL and tell Tumblr admin that the user is contemplating suicide and has posted a message indicating that they are going through with it or will be attempting. Hit send! Tumblr administration will perform a number of actions to contact the user and take the necessary steps to prevent the suicide.

TUMBLR: THIS COULD SAVE A USER’S LIFE. PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE SUICIDE THREATS.

Reblog this to keep other users aware. Suicide isn’t a joke, and neither is someone’s life. If you didn’t know this, someone else may not, either. Pass it on.

Every cried so hard and been so pissed at yourself for breaking your clean streak that you throw up?

No? Haha yeah me neither,,

KOKOBOT - The Airbnb-Owned Tech Startup - Data Mining Tumblr Users' Mental Health Crises for "Content"

I got this message from a bot, and honestly? If I was a bit younger and not such a jaded bitch with a career in tech, I might have given it an honest try. I spent plenty of time in a tough situation without access to any mental health resources as a teen, and would have been sucked right in.

Chatting right from your phone, and being connected with people who can help you? Sounds nice. Especially if you believe the testimonials they spam you with (tw suicide / self harm mention in below images)

But I was getting a weird feeling, so I went to read the legalese.

I couldn't even get through the fine-print it asked me to read and agree to, without it spamming the hell out of me. Almost like they expect people to just hit Yes? But I'm glad I stopped to read, because:

What you say on there won't be confidential. (And for context, I tried it out and the things people were looking for help with? I didn't even feel comfortable sharing here as examples, it was all so deeply personal and painful)

Also, what you say on there? Is now...

Koko's intellectual property - giving them the right to use it in any way they see fit, including

Publicly performing or displaying your "content" (also known as your mental health crisis) in any media format and in any media channel without limitation

Do this indefinitely after you end your account with them

Sell / share this "content" with other businesses

Any harm you come to using Koko? That's on you.

And Koko won't take responsibility for anything someone says to you on there (which is bleak when people are using it to spread Christianity to people in crisis)

I was curious about their business model. They're a venture-capitol based tech startup, owned by Airbnb, the famous mental health professionals with a focus on ethical business practices./s They're also begging for donations despite having already been given 2.5 million dollars in research funding. (If you want a deep dive on why people throw crazy money at tech startups, see my other post here)

They also use the data they gather from users to conduct research and publish papers. I didn't find them too interesting - other than as a good case study of "People tend to find what they are financially incentivized to find". Predictably, Koko found that Kokobot was beneficial to its users.

So yeah, being a dumbass with too much curiosity, I decided to use the Airbnb-owned Data-Mining Mental Health Chatline anyway. And if you thought it was dangerous sounding from the disclaimers? Somehow it got worse.

(trigger warning / discussions of child abuse / sexual abuse / suicide / violence below the cut - please don't read if you're not in a good place to hear about negligence around pretty horrific topics.)

I first messed around with the available options, but then I asked it about something obviously concerning, saying I had a gun and was going to shoot myself. It responded... Poorly. Imagine the vibes of trying to cancel Comcast, when you're suicidal.

Anyway, I tried again to ask for help about something else that would be concerning enough for any responsible company to flag. School was one of their main options, which seems irresponsible - do you really think a child in crisis would read that contract?

I told it about a teacher at school trying to "be my boyfriend", and it immediately suggested I help someone else while I wait for help. I was honestly concerned that it wasn't flagged before connecting. Especially when I realized it was connecting me to children.

I first got someone who seemed to be a child in an abusive home. (Censored for their privacy.) I declined to talk to them because despite being an adult and in an OK mental place - I knew I'm not equipped to counsel a kid through that. If my act of being another kid in crisis was real? Holy shit.

Remember- if my BS was true, that kid would be being "helped" by an actively suicidal kid who's also being groomed by a teacher. Their pipeline for "helpers" is the same group of people looking for help.

I skipped a number of messages, and they mostly seemed to be written by children and young adults with nowhere else to turn. Plus one scary one from an adult whose "problem" was worrying that they'd been inappropriate with a female student, asking her to pull her skirt down "a little" in front of the class. Koko paired this person with someone reporting that they were a child being groomed by a teacher. Extremely dangerous, and if this was an episode of Black Mirror? I'd say it was a little too on the nose to be believable.

I also didn't get the option to get help without being asked... Er... Harassed... to help others. If I declined, I'd get the next request for help, and the next. If I ignored it, I got spammed by the "We lost you there!" messages, asking if I'd like to pick up where I left off, seeing others' often triggering messages while waiting for help, including seriously homophobic shit. I was going into this as an experiment, starting from a good mental place, and being an adult with coping skills from an actual therapist, and I still felt triggered by a lot of what I read. I can't imagine the experience someone actually in crisis would be having.

My message was starting to feel mild in comparison to what some people were sharing - but despite that I was feeling very uneasy about my message being shown to children. There didn't seem to be a way to take it back either.

Then I got a reply about my issue. It was very kind and well meaning, but VERY horrifying. Because it seemed to be written by a child, or someone too young to understand that "Do have feelings for the teacher who's grooming you? If you don't, you should go talk to him." Is probably THE most dangerous advice possible.

Not judging the author - I get the impression they're probably a child seeking help themselves and honestly feel horribly guilty my BS got sent to a young person and they wanted to reply. Because WTF. No kid should be in that position to answer my fucked up question or any of the others like it.

---

Anyway, what can you do if this concerns you, or you've had a difficult experience on Koko, with no support from them or Tumblr?

Get on their LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/company/kokocares/) and comment on their posts! You may also want to tag the company's co-founders in your comments - their accounts are listed on the company page.

There's no way to reach support through chat, and commenting on a company's LinkedIn posts / tagging the people responsible is the best way to get a quick response to a sensitive issue - as their investors and research funders follow those posts, and companies take it seriously if safety issues are brought up in front of the people giving them millions of dollars.

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Legal Disclaimer since tech companies LOVE lawsuits:

The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in the text belong solely to the author, and not necessarily to the author's employer, organization, committee or other group or individual. This text is for entertainment purposes only, and is not meant to be referenced for legal, business, or investment purposes. This text is based on publically available information. Sources may contain factual errors. The analysis provided in this text may contain factual errors, miscalculations, or misunderstandings.

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Me trying to explain to other people why it's okay for me to cvt but it's not okay for them to cvt

-click for better quality-

Some art inspired by a song that honestly fits well with some oc backstory :) and I like angst

If you can guess the song uhhh I’ll give you a virtual cookie ^^/🍪

He's seeing her and just having a panic attack..."no ...no this is a trick ...I...I saw cyn wearing your corpse!" He's just breaking down sobbing hitting his own head and using his claws trying to hurt himself

@nate-doorman-elliot

He's freaking out 💔))

The name Cyn hurt her core. She called out in her true blue Aussie voice, "Nate... Nate stop!" She ran over to whom was once her sweet little butler and she held him gently, keeping his hands from scratching himself.

"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I didn't stop... C... her sooner, at the gala... I'm so sorry... Nate, it's alright," she pleaded, her greyish blue LED eyes fixated on him.

She had found a small plush dog in the landing pod that J had stolen from some crafting store, and offered it. "I want to make things right, please,"