anexistingexistence - A living, breathing existential crisis
A living, breathing existential crisis

They / It // This originally was just a fandom blog, but now you have to deal with my bullshit. // Assume me to be dead if I don't post for a day, thanks.

853 posts

Sometimes When Things Got Too Loud And Too Much, When The Pit In Tanks Chest Got Too Heavy And Too Deep

Sometimes when things got too loud and too much, when the pit in Tanks chest got too heavy and too deep and it felt like it was eating everything up in them. They’d got to Christian, sometimes they’d climb in through his window, sometimes they’d come knocking at his door, sometimes they’d just shoot him a text.

They always went to him though, always go searching for him when they felt the most lost and floating away. When they needed something to tether them back down.

In the beginning, Christian had little to no idea what to do with Tank in that state—hell he didn’t even know what to do with himself most days so there was definitely a learning curve. He never gave up though, he kept helping them get back to themselves.

He knew everyone of Tanks cues and ticks when it came to a fight, when it came to getting under their skin and poking that raging fire that could turn into a warm hearth. Learning their tells for this was a bit harder, they were better at hiding it then the bristling anger.

Tank needed softer hands, softer than what he was used to, needed someone to gently hold them together as they were floating away as their eyes searched for something neither of them knew what for.

Christian knew Tank was small, smaller than Milo especially when they are younger. Tank never cared about their height, even when he would pick on them for it they’d just kick his ass and make him eat concrete. A small smirk on their lips, now though?

It felt like Tank was too small, the way they curled up in his arms, the way he was able to fully cover them like this as they hid from everything in his embrace. Tank was no piece of glass, Christian knew from years of experience and seeing and hearing exactly what they could take to know. But god, it felt like they could shatter at any moment.

All Christian could do was hold them as tightly as he could without hurting them and hide them away from the cruel and harsh world they both knew. Just hold them and gently guide them back to him, soft words falling from his lips and he leaned his head against Tanks. Combing his fingers through their hair, a trick he picked up early when it first started to happen. See how they’d slowly open their eyes and see that dark haze slowly life from those deep eyes.

Watch his Tanker come back to him, they alway did.

“ welcome back Tankie “

“ mm..hi Chrissy… “

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More Posts from Anexistingexistence

2 years ago

Guess What? More Headcanons. ✨️Video Game Edition✨️

-Darlin plays rhythm games. Osu on their pc (no, they're not going to buy a tablet. Their fingers "got used to holding the mouse"), project sekai on their phone, a variety of piano-tiles-like games - you name it. Sam is quite happy about this, as rhythm games are something he can quickly get the gist of (unlike Smash and such) and feed into Darlin's competitive nature by teasing them when he's done better than them on a certain beatmap or a certain song on project sekai. There's that, but sometimes when Darlin can't sleep, they accidentally wake Sam with their frantic button-smashing because Osu mania is the only thing they play when they can't sleep.

-Angel plays Minecraft, as established, but Stardew Valley and the Sims hold a special place in their heart. David doesn't get it, but Angel finds some special joy in creating things and (depending on the game) interacting with cute characters. And while he might see more of an appeal in the likes of Smash, David loves seeing how excited they get whenever they show him something new they've built, which, he must admit, they are pretty good at that.

-Baabe plays type racers. Anything that has them smash words into their keyboard is an A-tier game to them (you can tell they chose the office job they have). But to give Asher's ears a break from the furious typing and clicking sounds from time to time, Baabe also plays narrative and story-driven games, including dating sims. And yes, they've forced Ash through Doki Doki Literature Club at one point. Being the creative person they are, Baabe also enjoys taking a more critical look at video games for their value in terms of story and finds themself ranting endlessly to their mate sometimes when they've just finished playing a particularly uninteresting or bad game (Their reason for forcing themself through those games is always: "It might get better, and even if it doesn't - I paid for it, so I should get the full experience." Which Ash commonly counters with: "But you're hating the experience." The response is then always: "That's part of it!").

-Sweetheart loves watching Milo scare the shit out of himself with games they picked for him, we already know that. And while they enjoy horror as much as Milo hates it, their guilty video game pleasure is anything and everything with an open world. They just love sitting down and exploring a huge map for hours on end. It's even better whenever Aggro comes to lay in their lap and gives them an excuse not to get up.


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2 years ago

Lasko "my anxiety has no influence on my way of expressing love" Moore Headcanons From A Lasko Kinnie:

-When he stutters for too long, he will eventually go "Lasko!" in a somewhat scolding tone to snap himself out of it. It helps nine times out of ten.

^He has gotten weird looks from colleagues for it before and his stuttering and anxiety only got worse throughout those conversations because of it.

-He can't draw realistic things. Like, at all. But he is pretty good at little, cartoonish doodles.

-Lasko's taste in music goes from lo-fi to Alt/Punk Rock. It's one or the other and nothing in between.

^Lasko has three playlists and they're titled: "Quiet" "Play this when someone asks what sort of music I like" and "Loud". You can guess what is in each of them.

^^He once gave Gavin his phone while the crew was hanging out and Gavin connected it with Freelancer's speakers and put the "Loud" playlist on. Lasko, Freelancer, and Damien now regularly exchange songs they like and let each other borrow CDs.

-Lasko had an alt phase and will take that secret to the grave because he thinks it's embarrassing (even though it looked really good on him).

^This is why he's good at doing makeup.

^^He can't do makeup on other people. He will literally poke their eyes out. But he is very gentle and patient with himself.

^^^His hair was dyed half red and half white once.

-Lasko listens to Audio RP to fall asleep and is embarrassed about it.

-Lasko sweats really quickly, which is why he dislikes summer - he has to shower nearly every day or he'll be self-conscious about the way he smells and feel disgusting the whole day.


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2 years ago

(Not my taste in music influencing my take on Redacted Audio characters and listeners no definitely not-)

This is giving Darlin vibes and you know they dance around the house to it while doing literally anything ever since this song's come out-


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2 years ago

So I Recently ("recently" as in "two months or so ago") Introduced My Bestie To Redacted Audio. And Because Inversion Just Got Done Traumatizing Them, Here Are Some Headcanons For Their Favorite D.A.M.N. Boy: Damien!

-He looks great in high heels. Never wears them but boy does he look good in them.

-He really likes bad weather for some reason. Whenever it rains, you'll see him out in the garden sitting in the rain.

^Sometimes he's holding an umbrella, but that's only because he brought his phone or a book with him and doesn't want it to get wet.

-Speaking of books, Damien reads manga. Not as much as he reads normal fantasy books, but he occasionally picks up a random manga he sees at the library because of its title or cover art.

^Damien may read manga, but he doesn't watch anime and only ever does when Huxley or Lasko ask him to watch one with them (-> He, Lasko, and Freelancer watched Sasaki to Miyano together during a sleepover and Damien actually considered watching more anime for a moment because of it).

-Damien sleeps in Huxley's hoodies during the colder months but always complains about the sleeves hanging in his cereal when he's having breakfast.

-Damien is too good at doing his eyeliner. He hardly wears makeup but for some reason, he is very good at doing his eyeliner.

-He always needs to hold something. A pen, one of his fingers, Huxley's hand when they're out and about, his controller even when he's taking a break from playing, his fork/spoon/knife even when he's already done eating - anything. He just needs something to hold.


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2 years ago

Guess The Whole Point Of My Tumblr's Existence (haha "existence" like my name i'm so funny) Is To Share My Headcanons Now. Fine With Me! Gavin-Themed Headcanons, Here We Go!

-I mentioned his obsession with jelly? Yeah, his favorite flavor is the red one with vanilla sauce.

-Whenever the D.A.M.N. Crew gets together, Gavin always goes out of his way to somehow brag about at least one thing Freelancer has done since the last time the group has hung out together (It can be regularly working out for once, it can be staying hydrated properly, or it might be getting their driver's license - Gavin will very casually brag about it).

-Gavin loves pillows. And blankets. He loves cozy, fluffy things, which is why he never gets out of bed on time.

^In addition to that, Freelancer always makes Gavin make the bed when they want to put new sheets on it because Freelancer is not about to move twelve pillows off the bed and then back onto it when their boyfriend can just go whoosh and get it done in an instant.

-Gavin owns two relatively big cases filled with makeup. He, of course, doesn't think he needs it to look good, but he has a lot of fun doing colorful eyeshadow and matching highlighters and lipsticks with it.

-Gavin usually only wears either an oversized t-shirt or his boxers to sleep. It's one or the other, never both (well, sometimes it's neither but oh well-).

^But when he wants to annoy Freelancer, he keeps his socks on, so when he traps one of their legs with his (as he often does because "it's very comfortable") he can scratch their leg with them. Freelancer is not amused.

-As Caelum's visits become more frequent, Gavin always makes more dessert whenever he's planning to have some. Because by now, he's gotten used to having to share his sweets with the empathy daemon.


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