How To Quickly Categorize Redacted Audio Listeners By Using Iced Tea:

How To Quickly Categorize Redacted Audio Listeners By Using Iced Tea:

-Drinks iced tea straight from its two-liter carton:

Darlin

Angel

Bright Eyes

Seer Obscura

Cutie

Bestie

-Drinks iced tea from a glass like a normal person but the glass is filled with more ice than tea:

Sweetheart

Lovely

Sunshine

Yandere Ivan's Baby

Smartass

-Drinks iced tea warm, defeating the whole purpose of it being iced:

Warden

Asset

-Prefers hot tea:

Baabe

Starlight

Precious

Flyboi Ivan's Baby

Honey

Anton's Listener

Lasko's Water Elemental

"Why would you drink tea when [sugary, over-caffeinated thing that will one day give them diabetes] exists?":

Ollie's Babe

Freelancer

You Already Know It. We're Doing More Headcanons. I Present To You: Samuel "definitely not one of my favorites whatever would make you think that /s" Collins.

-Mans buys a two-liter carton of iced tea when he's out on a drive and gets thirsty. He drinks it straight out of the carton and Vincent hates it.

^Yes, this is partially Darlin's fault.

-He actually likes wearing plateaued boots or boots with heels. No clue why, because he doesn't really need the extra height and that type of shoe doesn't usually go with his outfits, but he seems to just enjoy wearing them.

-He tried to do gardening as a hobby once and failed miserably. He did everything right and the plants died anyway.

-Contrary to popular belief, Sam's favorite genre of music isn't country. He actually has a weird obsession with classical music and listens to a lot of rock music from around 2010.

^The weird obsession with classical music originated when Sam was in his early teens. He would put on classical music when he was stressed because it was plenty loud to block out his parents arguing/yelling as well as his own thoughts and it was calm enough to keep him from snapping and getting aggressive.

-Sam is weirdly good at shaping ice. If you hand this man a block of ice and an ice pick he can cut you a detailed flower out of it.

^Instead of doing that, though, he mainly uses this talent to make little heart- or star-shaped ice cubes for his and Darlin's drinks.

-Sam has considered a name change before, but then people started calling him "Sam" instead of "Samuel" more often and he quickly scratched that idea.

First We Had Sam, And Now The Second Boy From My Top Three Is Getting Headcanons! I Present To You: Guy "definitely has a last name that isn't Montag" The Pizza Guy!

-Doesn't even like pizza all that much (the job making him smell it so often probably ruined his appetite a bit).

-He doesn't have a closet. Instead, he has his clothes sorted in different baskets because he can't be bothered to not just drop his folded laundry into a box once he's done folding it.

^But Honey has a closet and occasionally hangs Guy's important clothes into it alongside their stuff so it doesn't get as many wrinkles ("important clothes" as in work uniform and dress shirts and such).

-He has an entire drawer in the bathroom dedicated to nail polish.

^He's not allowed to wear it when Max's has him in the kitchen for hygiene reasons, but at any other time of the day, he has his nails done in some color he likes. He also has gotten a lot of compliments for them while out on delivery.

-Guy is a pretty good singer and he oftentimes sings Honey to sleep when they're too stressed out to fall asleep on their own.

-He knows how to play the bass guitar. He doesn't have one anymore because once he outgrew the one he had in high school, he never bought a new one, but if you handed him a bass, he definitely could play you some song he memorized some years ago.

-Guy can sleep in literally any position. He could fall asleep on the couch with his head hanging over the armrest and his mouth wide open and he'll wake up the next morning perfectly fine.

^That being said, he snores when he does that. Whenever he isn't sleeping in a position that is at least somewhat normal, he will start snoring. And yes, the loudness depends on how messed up his positioning is.

[Little music-themed extra: This playlist reminded me of Guy and Honey sitting on their old apartment's balcony and complaining about their old roommate as well as just general life things while drinking some weird tea/juice mix Honey came up with ^^]

Here Are Some Names The Listeners Call Our Redacted Boys! Solaire Clan And Shaw Pack Edition:

Angel: Davey/Cutie or Babe/Handsome depending on whether they want to annoy Davey or not

Baabe: Ash/Darling

Sweetheart: My Love/Love (get it? because milo and my love sound similar? yea no, i'll leave-)

Lovely: Vince/Vinny and any (and every) other short version of Vincent or Lover/My Beloved

Darlin: Sammy/Dear

Bright Eyes: Freddy/Moissanite (because it's the most reflective gem and fred is the light of their life, get it? i'm so creative, i know /s (<-but in addition to this: Fred doesn't get it at all and just feels sorta insulted that Bright compares him to a rock all the time))

Me, making notes for a fic I'm never going to write:

It seems I have written yet another one-shot while I was procrastinating my bigger works... Oh well, at least I had fun writing it for the past three hours.

If you're looking to read some suicidal and angsty Bright Eyes/Frederick fic in which I explore my take on Bright's behavior, here you go!