Redacted Smartass - Tumblr Posts

How To Quickly Categorize Redacted Audio Listeners By Using Iced Tea:

-Drinks iced tea straight from its two-liter carton:

Darlin

Angel

Bright Eyes

Seer Obscura

Cutie

Bestie

-Drinks iced tea from a glass like a normal person but the glass is filled with more ice than tea:

Sweetheart

Lovely

Sunshine

Yandere Ivan's Baby

Smartass

-Drinks iced tea warm, defeating the whole purpose of it being iced:

Warden

Asset

-Prefers hot tea:

Baabe

Starlight

Precious

Flyboi Ivan's Baby

Honey

Anton's Listener

Lasko's Water Elemental

"Why would you drink tea when [sugary, over-caffeinated thing that will one day give them diabetes] exists?":

Ollie's Babe

Freelancer

We're Having More Character Nicknames Because I'm Bored! Unempowered Listeners Edition:

Honey: My beloved menace (/favorite menace)/Mine/Guy (but very affectionately if that makes sense?)

Sunshine: Moonlight (because a: they love the night sky and b: they love the idea of having matching names for each other)

Smartass: Smartmouth/Mister Know It All

Ollie's Babe: Ollie/My Favorite

Flyboi Ivan's Baby: Dearest/Pretty Boy

When Frustrated Or Extremely Angry, These Listeners Do The Following:

Goes for a run: Sweetheart, Warden, Anton's Listener

Starts hitting things: Darlin, Cutie, Smartass,

Starts hitting people: Honey, Lovely

Aggressively paints on their body and every surface in their home that should not be painted: Baabe, Starlight, Sunshine, Asset, Lasko's Water Elemental

Starts chugging either ungodly amounts of soda or furiously crunching on breath mints: Angel, Bestie, Seer Obscura, Mentor, James' Listener

All of the above in that order: Freelancer, Bright Eyes

Cries afterward: Anton's Listener, Cutie, Smartass, Lovely, Sunshine, Angel, Seer Obscura, Freelancer

As per request, I will assign the Redacted cast Honkai Star Rail mains (also because I have been all over this game since release and am therefore most certainly the most qualified person for this job):

Asher: Still waiting for Fu Hua to make an appearance, but he almost cried when he saw Himeko and did cry when he pulled her. The Honkai Impact 3rd vet is now a Himeko main.

Baabe: Herta main because they thought she was cute.

Milo: A Jing Yuan main whose main team is based on follow-up attacks.

Sweetheart: A Welt Yang main who almost threw their phone the first time they saw and recognized him (they, like Asher, are also a Honkai Impact 3rd player).

Angel: Hook main solely to cause chaos.

David: Refuses to play this game, but would likely be a Clara main if he were to play.

Darlin: So far all of their pulls on standard and all their lost 50/50s have resulted in an E3 Gepard, which they've taken as a sign from whatever higher power that they must turn this man into a dps.

Sam: (Actually good at this game btw) has a team full of supports only and mains Asta.

Lovely: Serval main "because she's hot" (Vincent 100% agrees).

Vincent: Has been saving for Kafka since day one, but then Blade came out, and now all his Stellar Jade is gone.

Gavin: Yukong main (I tell you this, as a Yukong main).

Freelancer: Silver Wolf because "Why do the enemies always have the toughness I can't break with my current team?!"

Lasko: Somehow turned March 7th into a possible dps by building her follow-up attacks (also plays the freeze team of Herta/Pela/March/Gepard).

Lasko's Co-worker: Best Bailu build in all of Dahlia because god knows the d.a.m.n. crew doesn't build their healers properly.

Huxley: Bronya, because he likes playing and building supports.

Damien: Seele, because he likes doing big damage.

Kody: A very edgy Dan Heng main.

Elliott: Sushang main because big c-

Sunshine: Yanqing main. Don't ask why. I just feel like it.

Guy: Sampo. No explanation needed, I hope.

Honey: E6 Natasha which was originally built because Guy has no idea how to build healers correctly but after E6, Natasha just became a dps. Guy is scared of their build.

Besite: Qinque main because Bestie and Qinque give off the same vibe.

Blake: An Arlan main because symbolism.

Ollie: Pela main. He somehow knows her full name and how to write it properly.

Mentor: A Tingyun main because they think she's cute.

Aaron & Smartass: Preservation and Destruction path Trailblazer. This was Smartass' idea because they thought it would be funny.

I need somebody to do a character analysis on all the listeners. I need it so desperately.