Tw: Mention Of Drugs And Sh

Tw: mention of drugs and sh

I literally relapsed again today?

What the fuck? I was at two whole weeks and then bam and I am just rotting in bed, getting high every day and self harming again?

I just wanted to get better.

Why is it like this?

It's scary seeing myself fall in love. Like, healthy love. The one where I work really hard not to become obsessed and make him my favorite person.

And it works, I like and love him, but I don't suffer if he is gone. I can totally live without him. I don't need him, but ai want to be with him.

It's scary because I don't know this kind of love. But I like it.

It's such a weird feeling to give my mother all the love and compassion that I would have wanted as a child.

I tell her that it's not her fault and that she is doing her best and that it's more than enough.

I give her forhead kisses when sending her to sleep and remind her not to overwork herself.

It's... it's nice seeing her get the love she deserves but it also makes me want to cry, because why couldn't she have given the same to me?

When I'm talking to my older sisters or parents the funiest things always come up.

We were talking about me starting university soon and if I shouldn't just start working instead and I was like but I always wanted to be a psychologist and my sister was like, no, you wanted to drive a car and be a dad.

And that's true, I can remember, but I am afab. I am a trans man and as I child I was like, okay, I wanna be a dad and it's so funny how long it took me to figure out that I am trans.

Tw: mention of drugs

Hello me beautiful people, U am kide drunk right now and I just really crave.milk.

I need some milk. I also wanna sleep and it's cold.

My boyfriend is also drunk.and he.jsut fell asleep and fell to the ground whole sitting, heheen.

Tw: mention of sh

I wish I could curl up and sleep forever. I really need some rest. I just want a break from all of this.

I want to cry in his arms and be held until I fall asleep. I want to wake up, my head buried in the crook of his neck and feel safe.

Or I could relapse, that is like a really satisfying feeling. Just slicing through skin and seeing the beautiful blood that seeps out of my fresh wounds.

God it's hard to stay sober😭