I Texted Him

I texted him😭

I'm so weak, why can't I just not text him???

Kinda nsfw maybe??

How the fuck can it be that I had an awesome time with him, really just great even tho I've been really depressed the last few weeks (years) and when I leave everything breaks?

Like, when I left, I wanted to say goodbye, like we normally do, with kisses and stuff, but nooo

Because jerking off on the toilet was just way more important to him than actually saying goodbye.

The only reason I even know that he was doing that, is because he didn't fucking lock the door and I wanted to fucking use the loo.

But noooo

Instead I walk in on him, dick out, jerking off to fucking pornhub??

What the fuckkkkkkk?

Fuck this.

I don't know what to say, it's just like, I need someone to talk to again. I want my best friend back.

I want to tell him everything again. I need him right now. Like, I told him everything and he told me everything, we were happy-ish.

But now I have to talk to fucking Tumblr to feel like anyone even listens.

I want someone to listen.

And like, honestly, I am close to just texting someone who hurt me so much, and that I broke contact with after he did that, but he at least listened.

He drove 4 hours to me. He texted me. He was there.

And yes, he hurt me so much, he gave me nightmares and I shaved my head because of him, but still.

I just want someone to love me and listen and stuff?

Is that to much?

I know that I'm desperate, but I really wanna text him...

im trying to be good for you. i swear i am. everything that i do to myself is to please you. i eat for you, i dress up for you, i try to feel pretty for you. im trying to get better for you because you deserve someone that is not self destructive and obsessive and paranoid. im sorry. im trying. im trying.

When our sleep schedules are so different that I have had 3 breakdowns by the time he wakes up and fast asleep again when he's actually getting his stuff done.