burned0utstar

Finns thoughts

vent blog | Tw: sh, ed, suicide, sa | trying to heal | asks open

173 posts

I Wanted Us To Last.

I wanted us to last.

I wanted to actually try and maybe even succeed.

I wanted to be with him.

I wanted to not be the only one who fell.

More Posts from Burned0utstar

burned0utstar

9 months ago

Cried about him today again.

All the things he said, did he mean them?

Does he still mean them?

Can I ever stop wondering if he just lied to me the whole time or if he actually meant it?

What the fuck?

I want to talk with him.

I miss him.

Tags :

mental health vent blog depressing shit vent post actually bpd bpd thoughts ex relationship ex boyfriend ex partner borderline fp actually borderline borderline problems bpd problems bpd vent

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burned0utstar

9 months ago

I am always the second choice.

Always.

For ever everyone else will be chosen before me. Everyone else is better.

Why can't someone choose me?

Why doesn't anyone love me?

Someone please love me like I love them.

Please?

Tags :

mental health vent blog depressing shit vent post actually bpd i wanna relapse so bad bpd thoughts bpd vent bpd problems bpd borderline fp borderline problems actually borderline borderline blog borderline personality disorder help me love me ex relationship mentally exhausted life is exhausting ex boyfriend ex partner gay yearning mlm yearning

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burned0utstar

9 months ago

He had a wild night and slept with someone. I shouldn't feel bad, because we are in an open relationship, and I'm not angry or jealous, but...

But like, I want to be enough for him.

Tags :

mental health vent blog depressing shit vent post relationship boyfriend i wanna relapse so bad actually bpd open relationship

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burned0utstar

9 months ago

Honestly, even when if he leaves me I'm still so grateful to have met him.

Like, he showed me new music, motivated me to start being creative again, helped me accept my scars, went to concerts with me and showed me what I can have.

I was so down when I met him, and I'm really doing better now. Thanks to his influence.

So even if he leaves me, I'll still have a friend and a life.

Tags :

mental health vent blog relationship boyfriend getting better actually bpd it gets better self improvement open relationship mlm thoughts mlm love trans mlm ftm mlm gay yearning gay love queer relationships

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burned0utstar

9 months ago

Am I still in love with him or do I just love him now?

I don't know...

It still hurts to think of what we had and how it all ended.

But I still for sure love him, as a person, as a friend, as someone who I trust.

But am I still in love with him??

I don't know, I don't think so. Not like I was.

I am a little bit in love with everyone who I ever was in love with.

They stay a part of me, but I think that's all. I think I'm not in love with him anymore.

I want things to be normal between us again. To be friends, joke around, tell secrets, drink and laugh and cry and cuddle.

Just that.

I really really want him back, as a friend.

Tags :

mental health vent blog depressing shit vent post relationship boyfriend actually bpd getting better bpd thoughts borderline fp fp bpd bpd fp bpd vent bpd problems bpd borderline problems actually borderline ex ex relationship borderline blog borderline personality disorder borderline ex boyfriend friends lovers to friends love queer love

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