Kitchen Portrait Studies On Absolutely Nothing 15

kitchen portrait studies on absolutely nothing ‘15

i just want to go take a 24 hour nap

what am i to do? experiencing these intense emotions of unrequited love. i assure you this too is an ailment of the heart. if i dare speak aloud my torment — they will paint me as deranged. “focus on yourself” these are the words they sing with no melody. but how can i? how do i explain that there is no self without you? surely, i understand the foolishness of my words … but that does not negate the fact that they are rooted in truth. the moment you stepped afoot in my life, you affectionately sowed seeds of love that until this very day i have been unable to uproot. you made it so that i am unable to distinguish self from you. you from me. how can they not grasp that by letting you go, i am surrendering myself to defeat? a death so slow, a death so cruel — that i would not even dare to wish this curse upon my enemies.

what would the world look like if loving one another was simple? no games, no multitude of options to confuse our intentions and desires. just love without the mess of it all?

nothing quite freeing then being released from the shackles of a crush

i caved. i gave in. i called knowing there wouldn’t be an answer.

why is it that with you i’m left second guessing myself? and for the life of me, i can’t seem to begin in understanding this overwhelming embodiment of weakness.

when you are not near. i am sure of myself. i am sure of my emotions. my thoughts flow with clarity. but the moment your name is mentioned, the force of my strength shatters into a sea of fragments. i am no longer aware of the firmness of my spirit. and within a matter of minutes, i am left to wilt in slumber — completely drenched with melancholy. your name alone clenches a heaviness my heart cannot withstand.

so yes, i caved. i gave in. i called knowing there wouldn’t be an answer.